brina_monique Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 My boyfriend and I recently broke up because of college. He will be going to Johnson and Wales to learn how to be a chef, and I am going to Kingsborough Community College to study graphic design. Right there is already a problem because his college is in Rhode Island and mine is in New York. We have been together for 1 year and 1 month. I am so in love with him and he loves me too. The reason for why we keep breaking up is because he isn't happy at times and communication issues. This wasn't the first time we broke up . We have broken up numerous times but we always end up back together. But this time, I'm actually scared because he said that he has already made up his mind. I miss him dearly and I want him back so bad. I know that I am young and there are a lot of guys out there, and I know that I need to be focused on school, but I know deep in my heart that he is the one for me. I need help FAST !!!!! We both start college in the Fall of 2013 , and I just want my baby back. :confused: P.S. I was thinking of transferring to Johnson and Wales after my two years at Kingsborough . Yes, I wanna go there because he is there ( THAT'S MY BABY ) and also a tons of my friends are going there and I will be more comfortable going there. P.P.S If we do get back together, how can we keep our relationship going for the next two years while we are in different states ? P.P.P.S If we do get back together, how can we communicate more and how can I keep him happy ? I am in need of your help ... PLEASE ! I want my baby back !
StrongLass Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 The reason for why we keep breaking up is because he isn't happy at times and communication issues. This wasn't the first time we broke up . We have broken up numerous times but we always end up back together. But this time, I'm actually scared because he said that he has already made up his mind. So in other words he keeps leaving and you keep letting him come back whenever he feels like it as if your heart was a revolving door at the Marriott? If the problems bolded above really are the issues then you're both going to have to be willing to fix them or you're going to spend your days dizzy from all that spinning girl!
Author brina_monique Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 We eventually do work it out and we do get back together. and he feels bad for putting me through all of this pain and suffering . We don't talk for weeks, then we start small talk then we end up flirting, then we end up back together . Its a weird cycle when you think about it . He is a really sweet guy. Never cheated on me, always treated me right. Its just somethings don't work out and we are both lost.. we both miss each other and we are both in pain .as of right now . I don't know what to do I miss him and I love him and he loves me too . I'm just stuck
thompkevin Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Hey, First, don't move Johnson and Wales just because of him. If things don't work out, you will regret it. Second, if you really think you both have communication problems, learn to communicate. Work on your communication skills and if that's the reason he is breaking up, he will get back together once he realizes how much you've learned. Read non-violent communication by Rosenberg. It's a great book which teaches effective communication. Even if you just improve your communication skills, the overall communication in your relationship will become much better and even if it doesn't work out, it will still help you in your future relationships.
happydate Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 (edited) My boyfriend and I recently broke up because of college. He will be going to Johnson and Wales to learn how to be a chef, and I am going to Kingsborough Community College to study graphic design. Right there is already a problem because his college is in Rhode Island and mine is in New York. We have been together for 1 year and 1 month. I am so in love with him and he loves me too. The reason for why we keep breaking up is because he isn't happy at times and communication issues. This wasn't the first time we broke up . We have broken up numerous times but we always end up back together. But this time, I'm actually scared because he said that he has already made up his mind. I miss him dearly and I want him back so bad. I know that I am young and there are a lot of guys out there, and I know that I need to be focused on school, but I know deep in my heart that he is the one for me. I need help FAST !!!!! We both start college in the Fall of 2013 , and I just want my baby back. :confused: P.S. I was thinking of transferring to Johnson and Wales after my two years at Kingsborough . Yes, I wanna go there because he is there ( THAT'S MY BABY ) and also a tons of my friends are going there and I will be more comfortable going there. P.P.S If we do get back together, how can we keep our relationship going for the next two years while we are in different states ? P.P.P.S If we do get back together, how can we communicate more and how can I keep him happy ? I am in need of your help ... PLEASE ! I want my baby back ! When a person goes into a relationship, it's supposed to make both persons in it be much happier than both singles, not worse or raising some sort of anxiety. To me, that's torture. When he's with you, it seemed you're the one who's only too happy to be with him. He's not. Why? Second issue is with communication. This does not have anything to do with talking or understanding english. You guys go to college, so English 12 isn't a problem I hope. It's not communication. It's that, he tries to tell you about some of your attitudes that you should change to make him happy. Those things fell on "DEAF" ears. You are oblivious to them because I think it's part of your habits, part of who you really are as a matrix and how you were raised?!? Part of the issue here is that, he gave you many chances to change and he probably just got fed up. You just can't teach an old dog new tricks (sorry no disrespect to you at all; just a figure of speech). I think you know what he wants you to change, but you think LOVE conquers all. Love conquers all if the relationship between both of you are balanced. If he's unhappy with you, then it's unbalanced. You are forcing him to accept you, the person he does not want to be with and that you are making him even more angry. Edited July 17, 2013 by happydate
along60years Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 Ugh... how bad could he possibly feel about hurting you when he keeps doing it OVER and OVER again. He does not love you, love is a verb and what he is doing is not it. If you really think he's the one and are already planning to transfer to be with him in 2 years, I say take those 2 years to see other people and experience life a little. You are so young and people grow and change a lot in college. Also, it is not your job to keep him happy. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness and you can't make him do or be jack squat. Even if you put a gun to his head and said "love me or I'll shoot you" he still has a choice. Also, any long distance relationship with an end point can succeed if their is unwavering trust and commitment between partners. Without that, however, a relationship will either fail or make one or both partners miserable and I have no idea how you trust someone who keeps stomping on your heart for kicks. Communication takes two people. I have an assignment for you, describe your "The One". Now, does "The One" repeatedly break your heart, does "The One" not want your relationship to work, is "The One" unhappy in your relationship, does "The One" not love you? You are planning to move to be with a boy in two years, who does not want to be with you tomorrow. Choose better for yourself. You teach people how to treat you and you have taught him that it is okay to treat you like **** by repeatedly taking him back after he has. You are better than that. Tell him to **** off and meet a nice MAN or two in college. Don't let him come walking back into your life, wait for him to crawl in on his hands and knees.
along60years Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 I realize what I just gave you was A LOT of tough love and probably stings. If you need to, trust that things will work themselves out, but in the meantime take all of that love that you are aiming at him and turn it inward. Right now is the perfect time to start being your own best friend and taking care of yourself.
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