billington Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 Here's the rundown of the situation, and I'm going to guess it'll be pretty long. I'm in my second year at college. I met the girl I have a crush on my first year. We lived in the same house. (House is the term here for half of a floor of a dorm hall) I liked her from the moment I saw her. She had a boyfriend, so that's pretty much the story of my first year. I am friends with her, but I don't really see her that much, but I talk to her when I do get to see her. Nobody knows how I feel about her except me. I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about her, and I think about her all the time. Nobody has ever had this kind of an effect on me. She makes references about how she wants a boyfriend, but not ever directly to me, only when there's another friend around. I don't know what that means, but I do know it hurts when she talks about it. I hope the reason she doesn't talk about it to me is because she likes me. Now jump to this year. We don't even live in the same hall. She is no longer with her then boyfriend. She works at the desk in the lobby, so I see her a couple time's a week if I'm lucky. I find myself saving things to mail at strange times because of the hours she works. I'm to the point where I'll just put an envelope in the mail addressed to myself just so I have an excuse to go down there and run into her. I've talked to her for a lot longer periods of time this year. I ordered a pizza one night, and when it got there I asked her if she wanted any. She seemed really happy, but that's probably just because she was hungry. But we talked for a long time and we ate the whole thing right there at the front desk. I really want to ask her out, but I'm afraid of the consequences if she doesn't want any part of it. I'm friends with one of her best friends as well. So I thought I would ask her for advice on what I should do. For all I know, maybe my crush likes me too, right? Well I doubt it, but I guess it's possible. I figure she would have the insight as to whether or not it would be a good idea, or if I should just forget about it. Now here's the potentially horrible twist. I've picked up on signs that maybe my crush's friend likes me. So now I'm truly have no idea what to do. I've been trying to rundown the different situations as to what the outcomes could be, here's what I've come up with. I'm afraid of what happens if she says no. Would I ever be able to talk to her again? Would she always feel uncomfortable around me? I'm going to keep referring to my crush's friend as her friend, but remember "her friend" is also my friend, and I don't want to lose any friends because I had to go and open up to people and screw everything up. Best case I find out my crush feels the same way about me as I do her. Her friend doesn't have any feelings for me like that. I become the luckiest person on the face of the planet. However, with my luck I don't see this one happening Next best case I tell her friend how I feel, find out that my crush has never mentioned me like that or maybe even at all, but she tells me to go for it. Another case I tell her friend what the deal is, and she tells me it's a bad idea and I shouldn't ask her out. I'm crushed, but at least I can still talk to her. Bad case Her friend tells me to go ahead and ask her out, but she does like me and keeps her feelings to herself. My crush says yes to me, but her friend hates me now. Another bad case When I tell her friend my true feelings about my crush, her friend tells me she likes me. I really have no solution to this case, so I really hope it doesn't come up. I don't have any clue what I would do if this happened. Worst case I tell her friend, but her friend does like me. She is mad at me because I like her friend and not her. Then she's mad at my crush because of the same reason. My crush and her friend both hate me and I lose two friends. There's probably more cases that could turn up, but that's all I'm going to write for now. What should I do? This is tearing me up inside...
Author billington Posted October 24, 2004 Author Posted October 24, 2004 I forgot to add. I think that at the very least she doesn't dislike me. Everytime we talk I can make her laugh. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think she'd laugh if she was just wanting me to leave.
gd1039 Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 Dude - You are in your second year of college, not high school. Start acting like it. First off, it's creepy that you mail stuff to yourself just so you can run into her. If she is your friend you should be able to call or visit with her without having to be sneaky about it. Second. Don't bother going to talk to your mutual friend about this. Do it all on your own. Third. Do not just come out with "I have always had a crush on you" or similar. It makes you sound pathetic and scares girls. What you need to do is just start hanging around her more, try to flirt a little and see how it goes. If it doesn't go how you would like it to, and you didn't come on way to strong you will probably continue to be friends but no more than that. If you either tell her your true feelings right away or come on too strong flirting and she isn't interested in you like that chances are that you won't be talking again anytime soon, but there are always exceptions. So, stop being creepy and sneaky. Just be yourself, show her a good time, and see how it unfolds. Good Luck.
bluechocolate Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 I really want to ask her out, but I'm afraid of the consequences if she doesn't want any part of it. What consequences? Asking anyone out is going to entail the possibility of rejection. She says no she's only interested in being your friend, you feel awkward for a couple of days or weeks even & then you are friends again. No harm done. This really shouldn't be a huge drama - horrible twists, worst case scenarios, tearing you up inside - relax !! Chances are you're going to find yourself in similar situations in the future so try to be a little more light hearted about it all & have some fun. gd1039 is right - don't come on too heavy and don't talk to her friend about it (especially now that you suspect her friend likes you). Just try to see her more often & see how it goes. No need to wear your heart on your sleeve. Eventually you could ask her to join you on a casual outing & if you're nervous then its always best to do that in a group situation. "Some friends are going to _______ to catch a game & have a few drinks. Would you like to come along?". That sort of thing. (you know there is the possibility that she is being nice to you because her friend likes you - there is also the possibility that she may like you but won't want to hurt her friends feelings by going out with you - there I go giving you more horrible twists after telling you to relax about it ! but if either of these are true why not go out with the other girl? Who knows? Maybe you two could be a good couple? That's always a possibility too.)
Author billington Posted October 24, 2004 Author Posted October 24, 2004 I think maybe you misunderstood a couple things I said. I haven't actually mailed anything to myself yet, I'm just to the point where I wouldn't oppose it. And I was just going to talk to the mutual friend to see if she thinks it's a good idea. They are like best friends so if she tells me I'm not right for her, she would know better than I. And then bluechocolate, thanks for pointing out those two new possibilites. Neither of which I thought of, and that first one you said really caught my attention, because then I shouldn't say anything to anybody.
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