Author whyme76 Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 My ex left me. Apparently not due to lack of love but for pretty valid reasons that could hav3 ended any relationship. Irrespective of how in love a guy was. Yet he continued to say that it was just the end for now. That he was still crazy about me. He came over just to hold me in bed at night. No sex initiated. ....... he said that we'd probably get back together. I figured that I was better off just forgetting about him. So, eventually, I hooked up with another guy. My ex found out and was devastated. He said that now he couldn't get back together with me. Which is stupid as I had previously made it clear to him that I would NOT wait around for him. Do u think he regretted leaving a little? Or was his great pain over me and the other dude, due to the fact that he still had residual feelings for me (strong enough feelings to be really hurt over it yet not in love with me enough to stay or come back to me) Yes he regretted it - he probably didn't expect you to move onto to someone new. A few months after my ex and I broke up, I dated someone new but my ex did not. When he found out after we got back together, he seemed shocked & stunned. I don't know if that was stemming from him thinking I was not over him, or that no one else would want me, or what? But I do know it was a huge blow to his ego - which frankly he needed to realize that if he drops me someone might want to scoop me up. So your ex may be feeling jealousy, shock and denial that you dating someone else is an obvious sign you are moving on. But from what you said, the hanging out & letting him hold you etc he is getting most of the benefits of companionship with you, without having the responsibility to you or the relationship of a partner. It's breadcrumbs to keep you around as a fallback girl. I know I need to take my own advice. sigh.
Leigh 87 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Yes he regretted it - he probably didn't expect you to move onto to someone new. A few months after my ex and I broke up, I dated someone new but my ex did not. When he found out after we got back together, he seemed shocked & stunned. I don't know if that was stemming from him thinking I was not over him, or that no one else would want me, or what? But I do know it was a huge blow to his ego - which frankly he needed to realize that if he drops me someone might want to scoop me up. So your ex may be feeling jealousy, shock and denial that you dating someone else is an obvious sign you are moving on. But from what you said, the hanging out & letting him hold you etc he is getting most of the benefits of companionship with you, without having the responsibility to you or the relationship of a partner. It's breadcrumbs to keep you around as a fallback girl. I know I need to take my own advice. sigh. I don't agree that he considered me a fall back. I think he adored me and he didn't leave thinking that there was something '' better''. He may not have loved me enough to stay. Yet be definitely didn't think '' well, I will try to find a better option. If not, Lejgh 87 will think o if nothing better comes along '' I know he wasn't looking for another girl. Or thinking about it. At all. I just think he didn't quite love me enough to stay. .. I'll never believe he consciously thought I was a fall back. He thinks I'm pretty awesome. I'll never think he was looking to upgrade or anything of that nature.
Author whyme76 Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 I don't agree that he considered me a fall back. I think he adored me and he didn't leave thinking that there was something '' better''. He may not have loved me enough to stay. Yet be definitely didn't think '' well, I will try to find a better option. If not, Lejgh 87 will think o if nothing better comes along '' I know he wasn't looking for another girl. Or thinking about it. At all. I just think he didn't quite love me enough to stay. .. I'll never believe he consciously thought I was a fall back. He thinks I'm pretty awesome. I'll never think he was looking to upgrade or anything of that nature. You would know him better than anyone. My ex also told me that I was the most amazing woman he's ever met, no one else compares, he has stopped looking because he found what he wanted, and I know he was not interested in anyone else either . . .but he still left, so maybe love was not enough for him too. He also did not try to find someone else when we were apart, or really want to try and find someone else at that time. I didn't mean 'fallback' as in he kept you on the back burner while looking for someone else. I meant there is something comforting to know you have someone you can be with when you have a bad day, or you feel lonely - a safety net. Which is not really fair to either of you.
Leigh 87 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 You would know him better than anyone. My ex also told me that I was the most amazing woman he's ever met, no one else compares, he has stopped looking because he found what he wanted, and I know he was not interested in anyone else either . . .but he still left, so maybe love was not enough for him too. He also did not try to find someone else when we were apart, or really want to try and find someone else at that time. I didn't mean 'fallback' as in he kept you on the back burner while looking for someone else. I meant there is something comforting to know you have someone you can be with when you have a bad day, or you feel lonely - a safety net. Which is not really fair to either of you. It sounds like we're in similar positions with our exes. I honestly don't feel in my gut, that he left me because I didn't ' rock his world'. I think he was crazy about me. The relationship just didn't work out. I believe we loved each other as much as many happily married couples love each other. I just have a lot of personal issues. I'm honestly not ready to be in a relationship. Even with the right person, a healthy relationship wouldn't be possible. Has your ex contacted u since the break up? My ex honesty was not remotely ready to look for new girls within the first month or two. It was the furthest thing from his mind. He had not fully processed losing me. Sigh. I don't know how to feel about it now. I hope you're doing okay. Going overseas and having fun with various guys here have both been factors that took my mind right off my ex! I just hooked up with that dude back home, before the trip. I haven't dated anyone yet.
Author whyme76 Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 Hi Leigh 87 - Actually my ex said that he did not feel ready for a relationship the 1st time too. He had a lot of personal issues stemming from some stuff that cropped up in his family over a few months that he felt he needed to 'be the man of the house' and deal with. I've only been NC for a week now. I was contacting him 1x a week for stupid things and just basically to say hi. He always responded back to me, so that gives me some hope. Since it's only been a week, I haven't heard from him yet, and if I do it won't be for a while, possibly months. He can be really stubborn. Keep yourself distracted - it definitely helps. The more time passes the easier it gets for me. I haven't stopped loving him, I'm just getting better about not obsessing over him.
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