alexdublin Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I fell in love with a guy in my class. We started university together. We are in the same group. When we first met we were friends. I always thought he was attractive and sweet and I thought we would perhaps make out one time. Over first semester we became better friends and I hit on him a few times but he always kind pushed me away or avoided the situation. I dont think he was comfortable with being with a guy. So anyways I backed off. Then when we were out one night and he kinda made it obvious that he liked me, getting close to me, hanging around where I happened to be in the bar. He told me is bisexual which I am totally fine with. So I kinda bit the bulllet again and went for it again. And this time he reciprocated. So anyways that night we ended up making out and he stayed over. We just fooled around that night. After this I began to kinda fall for him. We flirted a bit in uni and we still hung around like friends. So a few weeks later we went on a class trip and we were staying in the same room and we ended up making out for the whole trip and stayed in each others beds. We held hands around the city. It was just lovely. When we returned it kinda continued for two weeks more, we fooled around more. He stayed at mine and watched a movie. I was totally smitten. Then out of the blue one Thursday he pulled me aside and said "I dont think we should see each other any more" I was totally shocked and kinda immediately disappointed. I mean, I really liked this guy and it was just starting to go well. I asked why and he said "he just got carried away" and and i was like why? we were having a good time? he said that "youre just not the right guy for me" and that "he just wanted to be not with someone". i guess he had never really been open about his feelings so maybe i should have asked sooner or something but yeah thats what he said. i guess i was just optimistic? i dunno. anyways i told him that was cool and i was glad that he was honest. and i said i probably need a little while to used to being his friend again. maybe a little bit of space. we still had about 10 weeks left of the year and I began to get uneasy. It was hard to see him every day. It was just awkward between us and I couldnt really share with my classmates how i was feeling cos they were his friends too. also nobody knew about what had happened so i felt kinda like there was a distance between me and my classmates. it was just weird. i was very emotional and would burst into tears randomly while walking home alone or would run to the bathroom at uni to sob. it began to affect my studies and i was just so so sad. i dunno. it was just so hard to deal with this secret. i had lost my friends and this guy. 3 or 4 times we were at mutual friends parties and i pleaded with him to reconsider. he always just refused to talk about it. it was demoralising and i wish i hadnt done it but i just really liked him. i dont know what to say really. maybe i got too into something that was never anything? i wish it had never happened. its the summer now and i dont cry as often. i feel sad. very sad sometimes. I miss him. I havent spoke to him in 5 weeks. i thought it would be easier that way. i really feel an overwhelming sense of grief at times. its so weird. it almost flattens me to the ground. it seems so over the top for a guy that wasnt even my boyfriend. i dunno, i guess ive always been sensitive. hes gonna be in my group again next year and the year after. I am scared whats its gonna be like to see him again every day. hes so gorgeous and nice and i really would take him back in a heartbeat. but he doesnt want me. for the summer i am looking after myself. I am keeping fit. hanging out with friends. going on holidays. doing things for me. i do feel like i have lost a part of who i am though. some days i dont even know who i am or what i enjoy any more. its all so much to take but i am doing it step by step. do you guys have any advice for me? should i talk to him? do i try and get him back? should i move on? what do i do when we are sitting in the same classroom again in 8 weeks? how do i make sure that i am ok? i am a shell of the person i was this time last year and i really wanna look after me now. i am scared. thanks for reading this. Alex X
Sneaky Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I read your story and I'm sorry this happened to you. As far as advice goes I might not be the best person to give it but I would not contact this person. Instead try and keep your mind off him by keeping busy. I'm not going to lie, I agree that it will not be easy to see him in eight weeks and I'm sorry about that. But if you don't spend those weeks on trying to move on, it will probably hurt a lot more. Best of luck.
Author alexdublin Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 I read your story and I'm sorry this happened to you. As far as advice goes I might not be the best person to give it but I would not contact this person. Instead try and keep your mind off him by keeping busy. I'm not going to lie, I agree that it will not be easy to see him in eight weeks and I'm sorry about that. But if you don't spend those weeks on trying to move on, it will probably hurt a lot more. Best of luck. thank you for your advice sneaky. i think ur right, i do need to avoid him. my friends think im crazy and over-reacting but i havent felt this blue in years. it has been so hard to even get back to being a somewhat functioning version of myself. i guess i really did "fall" for him....
StrongLass Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 i guess i really did "fall" for him.... Yep, they call it that cause there's usually a *SPLAT* at the end. It sounds like you both should have communicated what you each wanted out of the situation before you got all hot & heavy. That way your feelings could have been spared at least. Hang in there and consider it a lesson for your future endeavors.
Author alexdublin Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 Yep, they call it that cause there's usually a *SPLAT* at the end. It sounds like you both should have communicated what you each wanted out of the situation before you got all hot & heavy. That way your feelings could have been spared at least. Hang in there and consider it a lesson for your future endeavors. I never really even thought of having that conversation to be honest. He was never the best communicator anyway. I should have seen it coming. I got carried away and was irrational. Learning the hard way..... SPLAT!!!!!
Author alexdublin Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Just a quick update. I have been on holidays in the south of France for the past 10 days. This has helped cheer me up so much. It's great to step away from my life and get some perspective. Been doing lots of things that I enjoy, like swimming, visiting museums and drawing. Still have moments of sadness but they are definitely getting less frequent. I guess it's step by step :-) I really wanna keep this fresh feeling for when I get back home. Any tips? I was thinking I might refresh my apartment to look more like my holiday pad. Silly I know but maybe it will help even a little ... X
Recommended Posts