MMY Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 My w and I found out about a friend of ours who is in an A. We both have talked to WM and my w has talked to his w. We are planning on meeting with them tonight for dinner and share our experience regarding my A and how we are working our way back to a healthy M. I am 4 mths out of the A and my w and I both want to help this younger couple stay in their M. I am just worried on how my w will be tonight as we try to help them. I don't want it to hurt us. We did talk about it and is ok with it. Just thought I would bounce it off you guys. thanks
BetrayedH Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 My w and I found out about a friend of ours who is in an A. We both have talked to WM and my w has talked to his w. We are planning on meeting with them tonight for dinner and share our experience regarding my A and how we are working our way back to a healthy M. I am 4 mths out of the A and my w and I both want to help this younger couple stay in their M. I am just worried on how my w will be tonight as we try to help them. I don't want it to hurt us. We did talk about it and is ok with it. Just thought I would bounce it off you guys. thanks How it goes will be hard to say. Could be great for you both (and the other couple) but it could be one giant trigger for your wife. Honestly, I suspect it will be a little of both. 4 months is very early. A little extra compassion for your forgiving wife is probably due tonight. 3
Snowflower Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 My H and I had a fairly recent experience with this, as well. You could probably find my thread if you are interested in reading it. I do think it is too early in your own reconciliation to provide much assistance to this other couple. If anything, the four of you could try to work through your challenges together as couples. I don't think either you or your wife is strong enough to really help your friends from a position of offering objective advice.
thecharade Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 MMY, I attempt to find your posts whenever they appear because I feel a little kinship with your experience. I am curious how your evening went, but I'm also wondering how you resolved your double trigger (when your wife changed her mind about a beer after your son pulled up). Are you dealing with your perception that your wife prioritizes responsibility over fun in MC? And how is it posting here knowing that your wife is most likely reading? (I saw the stuff about your OW's upcoming birthday.) You may not realize that anyone is following your journey, but I am. My struggle continues. I want to save my M, but my H is struggling in the areas I find most important. Which really makes me miss my AP. Good luck to you. Thanks for all that you share. Charade 1
Artie Lang Posted July 19, 2013 Posted July 19, 2013 wow! i would think that being only 4 months out, you'd be less inclined to do a retread on infidelity altogether. did these people approach you both?
Author MMY Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 It went really well. We risked the conversation because no one knows about my A but we did think it was worth telling this younger couple because we seen a lot of the same that happened to us. Since our dinner with them they have went on a trip together and seem to be trying. Thanks 1
Author MMY Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 Yes, she and my W are friends and we talked about this before we decided to meet with them. I turned much better than we thought. I agree early but with thought if we could help them at all it was worth it. My W and I were able to talk even more after that night. 1
Author MMY Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 MMY, I attempt to find your posts whenever they appear because I feel a little kinship with your experience. I am curious how your evening went, It went very well. but I'm also wondering how you resolved your double trigger (when your wife changed her mind about a beer after your son pulled up). We talked about it and listened to one another. Are you dealing with your perception that your wife prioritizes responsibility over fun in MC? She and I are both working at it everyday. She has put our M at the forefront and I am working on building trust. And how is it posting here knowing that your wife is most likely reading? (I saw the stuff about your OW's upcoming birthday.) I don't know that she is. I have told her about LS but I haven't given her nor has she asked for any log in info. We also talk a lot and I am very up front in the fact of where my mind was at during the A and that I was emotionally involved as well. But it was all an escape. You may not realize that anyone is following your journey, but I am. My struggle continues. I want to save my M, but my H is struggling in the areas I find most important. Which really makes me miss my AP. I understand. I can't put myself in your H shoes cause I am the one who stepped out. Yall keep talking and take it day by day. If I can help you plz ask. Good luck to you. Thanks for all that you share. Charade Thanks and you do the same.
thecharade Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Thanks, MMY. I am not at the same point you are. I can't put my finger on it, but if I had to guess, it's that I don't love my husband like I should. I don't know if I ever will. He has hurt/distanced from me in several ways. Due to his upbringing, I'm not sure he can be who I need him to be. I am not wanting to hurt my young children or blow up my everyday life, but things are honestly not looking good. I'm in IC, and she's trying to help me find hope in every angle (since she sees my H isn't changing), but I'm not feeling it. My H is not the guy for me. Thanks.
Author MMY Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 Thanks, MMY. I am not at the same point you are. I can't put my finger on it, but if I had to guess, it's that I don't love my husband like I should. I don't know if I ever will. He has hurt/distanced from me in several ways. Due to his upbringing, I'm not sure he can be who I need him to be. I am not wanting to hurt my young children or blow up my everyday life, but things are honestly not looking good. I'm in IC, and she's trying to help me find hope in every angle (since she sees my H isn't changing), but I'm not feeling it. My H is not the guy for me. Thanks. One book that helped us a great deal was "His Needs Her Needs" Google it or go to ur local bookstore. If I can help let me know.
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