How to progress?

[Gingerlee]

Hi guys!

 

I'm new to this part of Loveshack, usually I was wallowing in the coping area but I've met someone who makes my heart beat faster than usual!

 

We met last July through a friend, and I always thought he was super cute. We were both in relationships and I never thought anything of it. We saw each other on nights out and always gave each other hugs, but we never really had any sort of conversation.

 

Rewind to three weeks ago. Went out with some girlfriends, got very drunk, got a bit lost in a club and ran into him. He shouted my name and I ran over and hugged him. He stayed with me until he knew I had found my girlfriends. We danced together and I think I was saying very rude things to him I don't remember, I'm just going by what his friend told me the next day!! I added him on Facebook and promptly apologized for being inappropriate. He told me it was a surprise and that I looked great! The next day after talking non stop he gave me his number and promised to take me out at some point. I was nearly doing cartwheels I was so happy!!

 

I work in a supermarket part time while I'm at college and the next day he showed up at my work, we chatted for a while and had banter and laughed. It really brightened my shift and two days later we walked my dog together. He kept suggesting we go around the route one more time, and we ended up being out for three hours! Conversation was flowing, and we were chatting like we had known each other for ever! It was a bit of an awkward goodbye as my mother pulled up in the driveway just as he gave me a hug, so I'm not sure if I was about to be kissed.

 

He works full time with autistic people so I know he's a good egg. He also works 60+ hours a week so I didn't get to see him until the following Saturday. Once again, he showed up at my work one time and we had a chat, he asked me when I was working till and then he rushed off because his friends had left him! then he came in again a couple hours later. (he was striding around topless!!!) and we laughed and I told him how pale he was and his friend was laughing with me. His friend seemed really keen to initiate conversation with me, and considering I've never spoken to any of them it made me think that he's at least mentioned something about me!

 

This happened again on Sunday and at first I thought this may just be a co-incidence but, the last time I saw him in my store was last July and now suddenly he's been there every single shift Ive worked in the past two weeks!! (he knows when I'm working, as I'll always message him before going to work!) So I'm not really sure what to think about it really.

 

Now, we both got a little drunk last night and ended up "sexting" a lot. This has happened once before midweek too. He told me he wanted him there with him, and although things got a little.. risque, nothing too sordid was said, although a few cheeky snap-chats were sent. Again, nothing too explicit, but enough to be classed as naughty!

 

Now, here's the problem. He's a wonderful, smart and extremely sociable 21 year old and he has friends by the handful. He is always out on adventures, randomly driving to the beach at night with his friends, always socializing at the pub. I just don't know how to further our relationship! We've only been on two dates and I'm not sure if that's enough to start discussing the prospect of a relationship with him.

 

I really like him, a huge amount, to the point where I start shaking before I know I'm going to see him! It's been almost 4 years since I had butterflies for someone beside my ex boyfriend and I don't want to mess this up!

 

Every time I suggest plans, his friends are always way ahead of me. I try not to take it personally, but I'm not sure how many times I have to ask to see him before I start looking clingy and desperate.

 

I haven't dated in a long time, my ex asked me out the same day he met me, so it's not like I've really ever "courted" before! and I'm not sure how to make myself seem worth the chase!!

 

Any help is appreciated! Thank you so much for reading!

Edited July 15, 2013 by Gingerlee

[PCS991]

Hi guys!

 

I'm new to this part of Loveshack, usually I was wallowing in the coping area but I've met someone who makes my heart beat faster than usual!

 

We met last July through a friend, and I always thought he was super cute. We were both in relationships and I never thought anything of it. We saw each other on nights out and always gave each other hugs, but we never really had any sort of conversation.

 

Rewind to three weeks ago. Went out with some girlfriends, got very drunk, got a bit lost in a club and ran into him. He shouted my name and I ran over and hugged him. He stayed with me until he knew I had found my girlfriends. We danced together and I think I was saying very rude things to him I don't remember, I'm just going by what his friend told me the next day!! I added him on Facebook and promptly apologized for being inappropriate. He told me it was a suprise and that I looked great! The next day after talking non stop he gave me his number and promised to take me out at some point. I was nearly doing cartwheels I was so happy!!

 

I work in a supermarket part time while I'm at college and the next day he showed up at my work, we chatted for a while and had banter and laughed. It really brightened my shift and two days later we walked my dog together. He kept suggesting we go around the route one more time, and we ended up being out for three hours! It was a bit of an awkward goodbye as my mother pulled up in the driveway just as he gave me a hug, so i'm not sure if I was about to be kissed.

 

He works full time with autistic people so I know he's a good egg. He also works 60+ hours a week so I didn't get to see him until the following Saturday. Once again, he showed up at my work one time and we had a chat, he asked me when I was working till and then he rushed off because his friends had left him! then he came in again a couple hours later. (he was striding around topless!!!) and we laughed and I told him how pale he was and his friend was laughing with me. His friend seemed really keen to initate conversation with me, and considering i've never spoken to any of them it made me think that he's atleast mentioned something about me! This happened again on Sunday and at first I thought this must just be a co-incidence but, the last time I saw him in my store was last July and now suddenly he's been there every single shift I work!! (he knows when I'm working, as I'll always message him before going to work!) So I'm not really sure what to think about it really.

 

Now, we both got a little drunk Sunday night and ended up "sexting" a lot. This has happened once before midweek too. He told me he wanted him there with him, and although things got a little.. risque, nothing too sordid was said, although a few cheeky snap-chats were sent.

 

Now, here's the problem. He's a wonderful, smart and extremely sociable 21 year old and he has friends by the handful. He is always out on adventures, randomly driving to the beach at night with his friends, always socialize at the pub. I don't know how to further our relationship! We've only been on two dates and I'm not sure if that's enough to start discussing the prospect of a relationship with him. I really like him, a huge amount, to the point where I start shaking before I know I'm going to see him! It's been almost 4 years since I had butterflies for someone beside my ex boyfriend and I don't want to mess this up!

 

Every time I suggest plans, his friends are always way ahead of me. I try not to take it personally, but I'm not sure how many times I have to ask to see him before I start looking clingy and desperate.

 

I haven't dated in a long time, my ex asked me out the same day he met me, so it's not like I've really ever "courted" before! and I'm not sure how to make myself seem worth the chase!!

 

Any help is appreciated! Thank you so much for reading!

 

Hi,

This seems like the hottest question at Loveshack.... "How to move forward" or "What do I do next" or "Who's move is it"...

 

From what I'm gathering or understanding it seems like we are just supposed to know when the time is right. Personally I am lost as I am in the same position trying to advance a friendship>>>relationship without screwing it up by moving too fast and scaring my girl away OR moving too slow and giving her the impression that I'm not interested, I am very interested but lost.

 

Lets see what others say here...

[clia]

Just want to make sure I understand the facts here...

 

You reconnected three weeks ago with him after you ran into him at the club.

 

You've been on two dates. Who initiated the dates and what did you do? Was one of those dates the dog walking you mentioned?

 

He's come by your work every time you've worked for the past two weeks. How many times is this?

 

You text him before work telling him you are working. Why?

 

How often is he initiating texts or calls to you?

 

Every time you've suggested getting together, he already has plans with his friends. Are you asking him last minute or have you asked a few days out?

 

I need answers to the above before I can advise further, but he doesn't seem hugely interested. Showing up at your work may just be convenient for him. Two dates in three weeks is kind of blah, especially if one was just walking your dog.

 

I will say this -- you need to stop sexting with him. That is a surefire way to end up as a FWB as opposed to a relationship.

[Gingerlee]

Just want to make sure I understand the facts here...

 

You reconnected three weeks ago with him after you ran into him at the club.

 

It wasn't so much "reconnected" as we hadn't really ever spoken before.

 

You've been on two dates. Who initiated the dates and what did you do? Was one of those dates the dog walking you mentioned?

 

Yes, he initiated both of the dates. The first date was him hinting at me that he'll take me out if I'm lucky. The second date was the dog walking, which I suggested when he told me he wanted to see me.

 

He's come by your work every time you've worked for the past two weeks. How many times is this?

 

I work three days a week, saturday, sunday and monday. He has come to my work 6 times now in the last two weeks. He is designated driver usually, and once I heard one of his friends saying "what are we even doing here" which I thought was odd, suggesting that he had actually come to see me, as there are plenty more shops closer to where he lives!

 

You text him before work telling him you are working. Why?

 

Because usually we'll have been texting all day, and I like to tell him that I wont be able to reply unless I'm on my break because I'm at work.

 

How often is he initiating texts or calls to you?

 

I can't really call this. It's non-stop. Like, if one of us falls asleep on the other during the night, the other will be the one to reply in the morning, if that makes sense?

 

Every time you've suggested getting together, he already has plans with his friends. Are you asking him last minute or have you asked a few days out?

 

Last minute, as we both have busy schedules and I ask whenever I get time off work or studies.

 

I need answers to the above before I can advise further, but he doesn't seem hugely interested. Showing up at your work may just be convenient for him. Two dates in three weeks is kind of blah, especially if one was just walking your dog.

 

I will say this -- you need to stop sexting with him. That is a surefire way to end up as a FWB as opposed to a relationship.

 

Thankyou for replying to me and taking the time to ask these questions! I will stop the sexting, I had a hunch about that anyway, but it just felt nice to know I was physically attractive to someone again after my ex.

[sdraw108]

I really like him, a huge amount, to the point where I start shaking before I know I'm going to see him!

 

Whoa, slow down. It's great that you like someone this much, but until you know that he's interested in a relationship with you, you're only setting yourself up for a big fall if you obsess over him this much.

 

To be honest he sounds like a bit of a player. Constant partying, walking around your store topless, sexting, but turning down dates with you because he's "too busy". What guy who is genuinely interested in you will flat out refuse a date with you just because he's doing something with friends? At the very least he'd suggest an alternative day/time.

 

Be cautious until you have a very clear reason not to be.

Edited July 16, 2013 by sdraw108

[clia]

Yes, he initiated both of the dates. The first date was him hinting at me that he'll take me out if I'm lucky. The second date was the dog walking, which I suggested when he told me he wanted to see me.

 

I don't understand your first date. Him hinting that he'll take you out if you are lucky isn't a date. Or did he end up taking you out? And the second date he didn't proactively ask you out. So, maybe you've had 1 1/2 (lame, IMO) dates with him. I honestly wouldn't even really call these dates. (But then again, I'm old! LOL.)

 

I work three days a week, saturday, sunday and monday. He has come to my work 6 times now in the last two weeks. He is designated driver usually, and once I heard one of his friends saying "what are we even doing here" which I thought was odd, suggesting that he had actually come to see me, as there are plenty more shops closer to where he lives!

 

I think it's cute that he's coming to see you. Obviously he's coming to see you if you hadn't seen him before you ran into him at the club.

 

Because usually we'll have been texting all day, and I like to tell him that I wont be able to reply unless I'm on my break because I'm at work.

 

I can't really call this. It's non-stop. Like, if one of us falls asleep on the other during the night, the other will be the one to reply in the morning, if that makes sense?

 

That makes sense. But non-stop texting...and he hasn't really asked you out on a date or to spend time with you outside of when you are working.

 

Last minute, as we both have busy schedules and I ask whenever I get time off work or studies.

 

Try suggesting doing something a week in advance. Asking anyone to do things last minute will often result in a "no" because they already have plans. I think you'll get a better idea of his interest level if you ask further in advance. But I agree that you don't want to get clingy. Maybe ask him one or two more times for a day in advance, and if he doesn't say yes or give you an alternative day to get together....there is only so much you can do.

 

I'm just feeling really "meh" about him. While he is stopping by your work, he isn't putting forth much effort otherwise. There is no reason why he couldn't ask you to do something in advance. I know you are busy with school and work, but busy people find 30 minutes to grab a cup of coffee with someone who they are interested in. Or, as I always say "You have to eat, right?" So he could invite you to grab a quick lunch or dinner during the week when you aren't working. Just definitely stop sexting with him. You might even pull back on the texting a little bit. (I mean, you don't want a penpal, do you?) He seems to have a lot of potential to be nothing more than a timewaster for you, given his inaction so far.

[Gingerlee]

Thankyou both for your advice! I didn't mean to come across as obsessed with him, with the shaking part I meant more like I have butterflies when I see him, not as in I start hyperventilating haha!

 

Sorry, clia, I wasnt very clear! I meant, he hinted to take me out when I was at work and then we went for a meal after my shift! Should have made that a bit clearer, then we walked the dog two days after, despite the fact that he had been invited to a bbq, he chose to come and see me instead.

 

I disagree with the player part, he was in a commited relationship for two years and has been single for about 5 months. He is a good looking guy (to me) but he's probably kinda awkward looking to others. Long floppy hair, tall, gangly, skaterish style. Sort of alternative rather than the Geordie shore looking lads that roam around the Uk these days! He even said he doesnt ever try anything with girls in clubs because he's too shy and can't dance.

 

I will tread with caution and try and back off a little bit. I'm not a clingy person, very much the opposite, but this is the first guy i've felt anything for in such a long time, im slightly giddy and immature with how I'm responding at the moment! It's not really like me at all haha!

Edited July 16, 2013 by Gingerlee

[Gingerlee]

So it has gone from constant messages for two weeks to pretty much zilch! After our second time sexting on Sunday this week I haven't received much at all, aside from yesterday for about 4 hours, we were texting non-stop again and it abruptly ended.

 

I asked (last minute, oops!) if he wanted to go for a walk with me about an hour ago and he said he was seeing his friend who was leaving for France tomorrow. He also apologised to me for not texting as he'd been at the beach all day with no signal, he was playing golf yesterday and had been at a water park on Monday. I don't know what to think?! Am I wasting my time here, trying to reign in a spontaneous and life-loving 21 year old?! I'm so confused, as he hasn't mentioned wanting to see me since Sunday, and no plans have been made. After my failed walk trip tonight, when is the best time to try and make plans in advance? I don't want to seem too eager!!

 

I figure if he bails/makes excuses one more time then I'll just have to call it quits. which saddens me a great deal, as I really like him, and is the first male out of about 8 dates I've been on that intrigues me, captures my attention and makes me want him like crazy.

 

Ahh!!! *shakes head*

Edited July 17, 2013 by Gingerlee

[sdraw108]

The thing is, if a guy really likes you, I can't see him avoiding so many opportunities for dates. If he has a busy social life, he'll make it less busy. It just doesn't look good to me.

[Gingerlee]

Thank-you for your honest opinion!

 

He snap chatted me a lot today, but still no plans. A friend of his confirmed that he is very forgetful and that I shouldn't take it personally as he's like it with everyone.

 

I'm just not sure if I should hang back now, or push harder. I really want to see him again, but I really don't want to seem too eager!