SexualDeviant Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 Well, bascily me and my long term girlfriend, broke up tonight. i dumped her, it was her birthday. but she treated me like dirt.. i wanted to call her to say happy birthday, and she said she was too busy with her friends to talk to me.. *she was at home, for like 10 hours with them* how is that too busy?.. well we broke up, this break up thing has happened many times, and i always get her back.. even though i don't want too.. i want to be single again, i hate being with her sometimes.. but i just keep going back. and begging her to take me back.. i need some advice on how to stop doing this
Pookette Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 Make a list of all the good points of being with her. Putting something like "I'm not lonely" is not acceptable. Now make a list of all the bad points of being with her. It's up to you to decide if the bad points outweigh the good ones. I think telling you she's too busy on her birthday to be with you is a major deal breaker. Why do you keep going back to her if you don't want to? Is it a fear of being alone? I don't think that's the case because you said you want to be single again, but maybe it's part of it... Some advice on how to stop doing it? Tell her you don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore. Does she treat you this way often? Use the anger you have to make a clean break with her. Anger is really an effective motivator if you can deal with it in a non-harmful way later.
Author SexualDeviant Posted October 24, 2004 Author Posted October 24, 2004 Well tonight we talked. she said ''i think we shoul djust end things, because i'm tired of hurting you, but that made me feel so bad, that i talked her into staying with me.. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME
RS Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 Originally posted by SexualDeviant Well tonight we talked. she said ''i think we shoul djust end things, because i'm tired of hurting you, but that made me feel so bad, that i talked her into staying with me.. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME There is nothing wrong with you. You keep asking her back because she has become a routine for you, she is familiar and you are too scared to move on from this routine, if you break the routine and actually go out and meet people and new girls you will realise what you have been missing. Dont take her back if she treats you like crap, its not worth it, I have done it before and it just ends up as a vicious circle of break up and then going back to a dysfunctional relationship, you are worth more than that.
2KindKay Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 I agree with what pookette and RS said. Even I am wondering if her abusing you has become a habit for you, she is treating you the way you are allowing her too. If you don't break the cycle and move on this is what you have to look forward to in the future, so I guess the question is, is this the kind of future you want? If you feel you deserve better, you probably do, moving on can be hard but standing still is no way to live either. best of luck
rapiscan Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 It seems that only two options are being explored here -- Either you break up, or you stay in a dysfunctional relationship. I propose a third option: If you both love each other (which it sounds like you do), how about talking about all of this openly. Choose a time when you are both calm and you can discuss everything. Maybe you can write down ideas/emotions you would like to discuss, before you talk. Explain that you want to do this, because you love her so much and you want you relationship to succeed. Also, perhaps you can see someone that can help with your relationship. It's still possible that the relationship doesn't work out, but you will both have a much better idea of what you are each feeling, and that will probably make the entire experience much easier. I really have no room to be giving advice, but these are my thoughts nonetheless.
Author SexualDeviant Posted October 24, 2004 Author Posted October 24, 2004 well, she isn't much for talking about her feelings at all.. she get's upset when i cry, because i can't handle this **** anymore.. but i don't think she cares
UCFKevin Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 She clearly doesn't. How old are you? Your life is FAR from over. No one ever dies from a broken heart or lives the rest of their life miserable because of a relationship gone sour.
Pocky Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 What better way to get her attention - keep breaking up with her and then begging for her to take you back. You know, when children want to get their parents attention they cry louder - are you done crying, yet? It's time to grow up and accept the fact that you two may not be good for each other. In fact, considering you've said how miserable you are and that you're crying all the time, then I'd have to say that you two are definitely not good for each other. Maybe you're not good with anyone right now. Figure out why you have to resort to child antics in order to get attention and then you may have a more successful relationship in the future.
SoleMate Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 Kev is right: she doesn't have time for you, because you are low on her priority list, and deep down you know that, so you want to break up. But then you feel the pain of being separated. No matter how bad the relationship is and how necessary the ending, there will always be some pain on separation. You just need to distract yourself in a non-hurtful way during that intense pain time, which may last several weeks or months. Try working out, spending intense (yet wholesome) party time with friends, going to concerts, cleaning your living space, volunteering, working longer hours on your job, even something as desperate as spending time with Mom and Dad.
Author SexualDeviant Posted October 25, 2004 Author Posted October 25, 2004 Today we talked over msn, and her dad was yelling at her saying how she ruined my life. that made me feel really bad, but i had come to terms of this.. and said i think we should just be friends, we aren't ment for eachother.. but right now i feel like ****.. and i dunno how to handle this again
jellybean Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 No your life isn't screwed...I used to behave like you - I would constantly cry wolf, and stage mini-break-ups. Do you think maybe you are doing this to 'test' her love for you? You say this has happened many times before, and you keep going back to her. Eventually it won't work anymore...it only chips away at your partner's psyche, building resentment, and breaking down all forms of communication. Do you think maybe, this time you will be able to stay away longer? Why not give it an honest try, and enforce the no contact rule. This is probably going to be very difficult for you to do - but if you truly "want to be single again, and hate being with her sometimes", then this is the right time to finally end all the drama.
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