next after 3 months after breakup

July 15, 2013

I was with my ex bf for 2.5 years. Everything was really good for a long time. We used to talk marriage and our future all the time. Then one day he just changed and grew more distant. I would only see him on the weekends and it was drive me crazy. I had to always be the one to text him and chase him around. I could feel things slipping away. I’m 32 and he’s 31. Then one day everything just blew up and he just walked away.

When the huge fight began I never thought he was just walk into the dark of night. I thought we could work things out. He said things like.. I want to hang out with my friends more…we have nothing in common…I wish I could see you in my future but unjust cant right now. Anyways that night I was upset and then finally I just agreed with him and said bye .. I am not forcing anyone to be with me. I am not happy either and said just go. He turned to me and kissed me and said “I love you” then walked away.

That was 2.5 months ago. I went No Contact right away for about 3 weeks. Then I started texting him very lightly. He always responds.. The conversations were about sports and our mutual friends. Nothing serious. We talked one night for 1.5 hours, I passed a huge exam in my career and had to share it on the phone. Everything was fine. We were catching up and had so much to say to each other. That was 2 months ago. Since then we text all the time. It started off on just weekends and then more random nights during the week.

Most of the time I iniate the texting and he responds and we have a long convo about whatever until I sign off and go to bed. Last week it was my birthday so I didn’t contact him for a week to see if be would actually text me Happy bday. He did finally at 9pm. I was so happy.

I just can’t still get a read on the situation. I feel like I am playing chess and getting sick of it. I want him back. I have changed the things I feel lead to the downfall of our relationship. I am in a much better place. I just have NO CLUE how he feels. I feel like I have done pretty good so far but not sure of the next step.

Since he broke up with me I feel that he would be the one to want to talk about things now. He does have a communication issues but what guy doesn’t! I still feel like the breakup was just a nervous breakdown for him of some sort and pushed me away for no reason.

I have been living my own life in the meantime...going out with friends and stuff but I can't move past all of this. Some days are harder than others!

Thanks for any help peeps

Edited July 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Added Paragraphs, please use them

July 15, 2013

How did he change suddenly? I mean did you used to see each other every day and then like a switch only weekends? Did he give any reason? And why do you think this happened?

July 15, 2013

i wouldn't text him first. let him text first, and see how long it takes him to do it and what he says. remember the mantra: you want a text, not a textback.

however, as you are honest that you want him back, don't let the games go on forever. if he is initiating contact regularly, then ask to meet up and see what happens. if he isn't, then you need to think about how keen he can actually be, and how keen you are going to be on him moving on.

lots of luck!

July 15, 2013

You let him friend zone you and look at the consequences. You're still stuck on this guy 3 plus months later. If you had agreed w/the break up and went NC, you'd be feeling closer to being over the relationship. Right now, you're in a state of limbo, are still stuck on him and are not out out there trying to meet someone who does want to spend time with you on days other than weekends.

You're choices are to be straight up with him and let him know you're going to not contact him anymore so you can get over him and move on with your life or ask to meet with him to see if there's any chance of reconciliation.

Personally, I think you should just let him know you're moving on and talking to him isn't helping you thus he won't be hearing from you anymore. You need to do this for yourself.

July 15, 2013

We used to see each other a few times a week then spend the entire weekend together. This went on for over 2 years and we were happy. I got extremely busy studying for a huge exam for my career and have had an ongoing illness. But I always tried to stay positive and push forward and tried to make time for him when I wasn't at my best. I refused to blame my illness because its just a part of my life. He didn't even mention that when we broke up and I flat out asked if it was one of the factors and he said no. I just think these factors made up grow apart. The night we broke up I asked him of he was willing to work on things because I know things could be workers out and he just said he couldn't see that happening and didn't think it would help and them just left. I do feel over time we have both warmed up to each other again but now I feel stuck in a texting world.

July 15, 2013

Thanks aloneinaz. I think I'm just scared of more rejection at this point. And I keep telling myself that if he wanted to talk or mend things he would. And that's clearly not happening. And I'm in a state of self torture! I did state very clearly the night we broke up to him to never come back and I was moving on with my life at that moment and that I would never ever see him again. At the time I felt strong for saying that stuff but now I obviously don't feel that way. I'm sick of sending him smoke signals and giving him the benefit of the doubt and waiting for something

July 15, 2013

We used to see each other a few times a week then spend the entire weekend together. This went on for over 2 years and we were happy. I got extremely busy studying for a huge exam for my career and have had an ongoing illness. But I always tried to stay positive and push forward and tried to make time for him when I wasn't at my best. I refused to blame my illness because its just a part of my life. He didn't even mention that when we broke up and I flat out asked if it was one of the factors and he said no. I just think these factors made up grow apart. The night we broke up I asked him of he was willing to work on things because I know things could be workers out and he just said he couldn't see that happening and didn't think it would help and them just left. I do feel over time we have both warmed up to each other again but now I feel stuck in a texting world.

So take control and let him know you no longer are interested in a texting relationship with him. Tell him its keeping you stuck and you want a full blown relationship again and need to get over him to achieve it. Then disappear from his life. He made the decision and told you he didn't want you as his lover, friend, confidant, etc.. That's pretty strong when someone says they don't want you in their life anymore. At some point, you have so say FU then. I'll find someone who does. He didn't reach out to you, you reached out to him and he's only being a texting "friend".. again, F-that. I'd have NO DESIRE to go from a full blown relationship to a texting friend..

July 15, 2013

The night we broke up I asked him of he was willing to work on things because I know things could be workers out and he just said he couldn't see that happening and didn't think it would help and them just left. I do feel over time we have both warmed up to each other again but now I feel stuck in a texting world.

I think you need to finish that conversation if he has warmed up since then simply because you might be reading him wrong. There must be some reason why he didn't or still doesn't think things can be worked out. You can't keep this going because you do want him as more than a friend and if a friend is all he wants then you have to respect his decision and go from there.

July 15, 2013

Does anyone even the ex will want to work on things? Should I just end all contact without even attempting to tell him my feelings again to spare myself the embarrassment? Maybe he is just responding to all my texts to be nice! It would be nicer to just ignore me at this point buddy!

July 15, 2013

Probably not since he said already that it won't work but only you can gauge that by how you have interacted lately. He already knows how you feel and you don't need to tell him again how you feel. You want to find out what he feels. Go ahead and do it. Nothing to be embarrassed about. If it isn't worth it to you then just forget about it and don't reply to him.

July 15, 2013

I would not text him that I'm not gonna text him anymore.

The message will be clearer to him.

If you explain to him why you're doing this, you're showing him you're still reluctant about not texting him.

Just go cold turkey. And see what happens.

Now 2 things could happen:

1) He doesn't text back. Ever. That's the worst case scenario on short term. But on long term, believe me, you'll be glad to get rid of that selfish man.

And you won't be stuck in limbo by waiting for his nice crumble text messages.

2) He texts back after a while. Interesting. If he does, post again, and we'll see what we could do...

July 16, 2013

I guess I should go back to no contact. I'm sick of chasing him around and texting him. If he gives a crap about me he will come back in time I guess and hopefully I'll be long gone by then. It's just alot easier said than done. One day at a time

July 16, 2013

If you read my story its pretty similar. I was in the friend zone with my ex. I had onefinal conversation with her about what i wanted. Let me tell you. I didnt get the response i wanted but im no longer confused and wondering . Although it does still hurt i am now on 3 weeks no contact and moving forward. Once you get fed up and have that convo i feel the key is following through. I would LOVE for us to work it out but the ball is in her court. Now she knows exactly how i feel so its up to her

July 16, 2013

Thanks lovesux. I actually sent a text last night asking of we could meet up in person like civializsd adults and I got the response "I guess. I don't know what would be uncivilized about it". Then I said ok let me know what your schedule looks like and the response "this week is tough. Maybe Sunday . Gnight"

I feel like this may have been a bad idea and don't know of I can actually go through with it. I can't even imagine what I would say or how I would act. And I already have a bad vibe!

July 16, 2013

I sent a text last night to my ex bf asking of we could meet up in person like civializsd adults and I got the response "I guess. I don't know what would be uncivilized about it". Then I said ok let me know what your schedule looks like and the response "this week is tough. Maybe Sunday . Gnight"

I feel like this may have been a bad idea and don't know of I can actually go through with it. I can't even imagine what I would say or how I would act. And I already have a bad vibe!

Quick back story ...he brok up with me 3 months ago.. We dated for 2.5 years. We are both 32. I went NO contact for a month. But since then I've been texting him and he always responds. I feel like I was doing so good for awhile but am having a bad week. The sad thing is I miss him so much and would love to get back together. I was hoping and wishing after the breakup he would realize he made a mistake and come back begging

This has not been the case . There was no big reason for the breakup except a breakdown in communication and he cracked up and said he couldn't do this anymore. I'm heartbroken still. I know things could work if he gave it another shot

July 16, 2013

Why did you break NC?

Why are you asking to meet up?

Honestly think to yourself WHAT you want and expect from this meeting.

I think you should back out. It's going to set you even farther back when you see him.

You can't make someone want you back, want another shot, etc. I do not think you should meet up with him. That shows him you're still hung up and is very unattractive behaviour. It does not seem like you have been taking NC or the breakup seriously.

You are not going to be happy until you do. You need to be happy with or without him.

July 16, 2013

Sounds like my situation, 3 months ago. Almost exactly, except the genders are reversed.

Look, I don't wanna burst your balloon, or naysay, or anything like that, but your best bet is to go back to NC. He obviously hasn't yet realized he "made a mistake", or trust me- there'd be nothing stopping him from getting back together with you, and he would make his intentions very clear... not "maybe Sunday".

I know it's REALLY f'ing hard to let go- I'm 6 months out, and I still get verklempt when I think about the ex- but you have to. The only thing you have control over now is you, so focus on that. Treat this situation as if your ex has died. Because in effect, he has, at least within the context that you knew him. Grieve, yes, because that's healthy, but realize that at least for now, he's not coming back.

I know it sucks a bag of d**ks, but it's what you gotta do.

July 16, 2013

"There was no big reason for the breakup except a breakdown in communication and he cracked up"

he cracked up dating you? what convos were there?

July 16, 2013

In retrospect we always like to believe that things could have been worked out and that if enough time and effort was invested that you two would have made it through it. Communication is imperative in order for a relation to thrive, this is the exact reason why my ex and I are no longer together because BOTH of used shut down and reached a point where we were no longer communicating with each other which gradually drew us apart. Let the dust settle, get back to NC. I believe if he ends up contacting you with regards to arranging a time to meet its only right to apologize and tell him that it is not a good idea after all, pick yourself up and start moving forward with your life.

July 16, 2013

Thanks for the help everyone. At this point I tried everything I can. And if he does reach back out and try to set up a time to meet I don't think anything good will come of it for me but more and more pain. I think you are all right. I need to get back on my No Contact streak again. I got all wrapped up in all of the texting back and forth and reading into it. I guess he was just replying to me to be a friend or nice which is what I don't want. I need to let go and get back to improving myself and my life and start dating. Back to No Conact. I do deep down hope someday he will realize he made a mistake but I'm 99% sure that wont be happening. Sad but true and it's damn hard to face the reality sometimes even after 3 months!

July 16, 2013

Thanks for the help everyone. At this point I tried everything I can. And if he does reach back out and try to set up a time to meet I don't think anything good will come of it for me but more and more pain. I think you are all right. I need to get back on my No Contact streak again. I got all wrapped up in all of the texting back and forth and reading into it. I guess he was just replying to me to be a friend or nice which is what I don't want. I need to let go and get back to improving myself and my life and start dating. Back to No Conact. I do deep down hope someday he will realize he made a mistake but I'm 99% sure that wont be happening. Sad but true and it's damn hard to face the reality sometimes even after 3 months!

Don't hope for anything even him realizing he made a "mistake", this will only hinder your chance at recovery, move forward vigorously.

July 16, 2013

Thanks for the help everyone. At this point I tried everything I can. And if he does reach back out and try to set up a time to meet I don't think anything good will come of it for me but more and more pain. I think you are all right. I need to get back on my No Contact streak again. I got all wrapped up in all of the texting back and forth and reading into it. I guess he was just replying to me to be a friend or nice which is what I don't want. I need to let go and get back to improving myself and my life and start dating. Back to No Conact. I do deep down hope someday he will realize he made a mistake but I'm 99% sure that wont be happening. Sad but true and it's damn hard to face the reality sometimes even after 3 months!

Don't beat yourself up Jenny. Letting go is hard, especially for the dumpees. You continuing to have contact with him is holding back your healing. In three months he hasn't reached out to you to meet so he's still happy with his decision. Get your pride back and cancel meeting him, work on yourself and start dating.

Trust me, my ex broke up with me a few times and I always went back to chasing her after a few weeks. I got her back but I think she started to not respect me as much for chasing her because she knew a majority of our issues where on her. Clearly, I wasn't what she wanted because she broke up with me three times with the 3rd time being final on my part. Reconciliations rarely work and if they do, it's only a short time before the honeymoon phase and excitement of being back together turns into the same BS that was there before.

July 16, 2013

I did that with my last partner.

I demanded to meet up with him, because he kept blewing me off.

I phoned him and said to him:

"Look, I want to see you now. If you're not coming or avoiding me, then I'm coming over to your place and I'll wait as long as you're there, even if it's late."

He tried setting up a meeting for the next day, but I was too agitated to wait that long.

He eventually agreed and we meet to talk about stuff.

That's how I got closure.

He texted me a week later, then nothing ...

July 16, 2013

I guess I should go back to no contact. I'm sick of chasing him around and texting him. If he gives a crap about me he will come back in time I guess and hopefully I'll be long gone by then. It's just alot easier said than done. One day at a time

Going cold turkey on him will be the best plan of action. He will either panic and try to win you back or you will have a chance to move on from him and find someone who actually wants to be with you without you chasing them. I know it's easier said than done but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Good luck!

July 16, 2013

Closure is just a word. Beating a dead horse by talking about a failed relationship MONTHS later is a waste of time in my opinion. It's been three months... He hasn't called you and asked to meet with you Jenny. That's a pretty strong statement. I think it will really set you back to rehash all this over again.

I'm at 6 wks NC since break up. She seems like a stranger to me now. I know dating has helped that occur as well. She ended it (again) and hasn't heard a word from me. I haven't heard a word from her as well so that tells me we are both in agreement that it's time to find someone else. I just thought if she called me and 'wanted to talk', there wouldn't be much to say. No one is going to be compatiable to her unless she makes MAJOR changes which isn't going to happen. So why would I want to talk to her much less meet with her?

I think you need to view it the same way.

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