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Expecting a baby by another woman...what would you do?

blueyedbabes23

By blueyedbabes23
in General Relationship Discussion

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blueyedbabes23 New Member

blueyedbabes23

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I have been dating a man for the last five months. About six weeks into dating, he informed me that he was expecting a child by another woman. The thing is, this woman lives completely across the country. We are in Pennsylvania and she is in California. He claims that neither one of them have any desire to move across country. The alleged plan is for him to travel to California every 4-5 weeks for a long weekend to spend time with his child. Which he has offered to take me with him.

 

Their relationship history, at least what he tells me, is they met once, and four months later when he saw her for a second time they became engaged. Apparently tried to to a long distance relationship. After she accepted the proposal he found out she was married, yet seperated, and never once told him this information. A few months pass, she invited him out to go on a cruise with her ( this is only the third time seeing this woman ) and he got her pregnant on the cruise. He has not seen her since. I know he talks to her at least twice a week, he has already purchased things for her and the baby. And the baby is due by the end of next month.

 

I am really scared about what is going to happen here. 99% of my family and friends tell me to run. I try to remember, that everyone has their baggage. I have two children of my own and have relationships before him so I can not judge. But I am very afraid of what is going to happen when the baby is born. Do I just continue to take things one day at a time or do I call it quits.

 

I do love this man. He is a good person, and I have not seen a side of him that would tell me other wise. But the day is approaching quickly where this woman is to give birth to his child. Should I head for higher grounds or stick it out. I am just looking for others opinions who do not know me personally.

 

Thank you for listening.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted

Apart from hist story not being very convincing (proposing the 2nd time they met??? talking on the phone twice a week??? buying stuff for her and not just the baby???), how can he be sure the baby is his? There is something more to this IMO. Sorry.

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Balzac Established Member

Balzac

Posted
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Your relationship is 5 months old. You say very little about your life with him.

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blueyedbabes23 New Member

blueyedbabes23

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We met as friend back in December of this year. A month after he impregnanted this woman. We became close and both admitted we were attracted to each other on a more personal level. We solidified our relationship in February of this year. We are very close. Seeing each other just about every day. He has grown very close to my two children as well. He has asked for us to move in, but I will not do so until I see the outcome of this situation and how things unfold.

 

I agree about the story not being very convincing. I am with you. I have mentioned several times, he needs to a paternity test before signing anything or doing anything more. He claims he will have one done. Especially if this woman lied to him about being married. Who says it is his child? I have to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope that he looks out for himself.

 

And as far as buying things, he has purchased her a crib, the necessities for a baby. Not necessarily for her, but for them.

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted
I have been dating a man for the last five months. About six weeks into dating, he informed me that he was expecting a child by another woman. The thing is, this woman lives completely across the country. We are in Pennsylvania and she is in California. He claims that neither one of them have any desire to move across country. The alleged plan is for him to travel to California every 4-5 weeks for a long weekend to spend time with his child. Which he has offered to take me with him.

 

Their relationship history, at least what he tells me, is they met once, and four months later when he saw her for a second time they became engaged. Apparently tried to to a long distance relationship. After she accepted the proposal he found out she was married, yet seperated, and never once told him this information. A few months pass, she invited him out to go on a cruise with her ( this is only the third time seeing this woman ) and he got her pregnant on the cruise. He has not seen her since. I know he talks to her at least twice a week, he has already purchased things for her and the baby. And the baby is due by the end of next month.

 

I am really scared about what is going to happen here. 99% of my family and friends tell me to run. I try to remember, that everyone has their baggage. I have two children of my own and have relationships before him so I can not judge. But I am very afraid of what is going to happen when the baby is born. Do I just continue to take things one day at a time or do I call it quits.

 

I do love this man. He is a good person, and I have not seen a side of him that would tell me other wise. But the day is approaching quickly where this woman is to give birth to his child. Should I head for higher grounds or stick it out. I am just looking for others opinions who do not know me personally.

 

Thank you for listening.

 

 

Deal breaker.

 

It's not just the baby....it's the fact that he met a woman once, then doesn't see her again then gets engaged to her 4 months later after only seeing her once, then finds out she is married, then goes on a cruise with her upon seeing her only for the third time....and impregnates her. It seems completely thoughtless, impulsive and careless, and for me, I wouldn't feel secure with a man who seemed to make such poor decisions.

 

You have your own kids and life...this situation is a lot. Yes everyone has "baggage" but really, we can still choose which kinds of baggage to take on and which not to. Some baggage isn't worth it and nothing is wrong with deciding that someone's baggage isn't a match for your life. And why would you need to go with him every month to the West coast to see his child?? What will you do with your own kids then? I personally just wouldn't want this situation and I'd wait until he settled on a routine with this woman and his child before dating him. After 6 weeks and I was told that, it wouldn't have gotten to 5 months personally.

  • Like 4
Eggplant Established Member

Eggplant

Posted
Posted
After she accepted the proposal he found out she was married, yet seperated, and never once told him this information. A few months pass, she invited him out to go on a cruise with her ( this is only the third time seeing this woman ) and he got her pregnant on the cruise.

 

NOOOOO! This man sleeps with married women. He has no morals, and no respect for other people. He is not relationship material. Get out!

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ForeverHopeful1 Established Member

ForeverHopeful1

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I would dump him.

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blueyedbabes23 New Member

blueyedbabes23

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Thanks for the input everyone. Deep down, I probably didn't need to even ask this question. I already knew the answer, maybe just looking for solidification. And I got it.

 

I handled it well...spoke like an adult to him and told him that it is over. As much as I would like it to be something real with him, it can't be. I also made it a point to strongly advise him never to contact me again as he wanted to still be there for me and be friends. I don't work that way, You need to be no contact, period, so I can heal.

 

Thank you for the advice everyone I really appreciate it!

pink_sugar Established Member

pink_sugar

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Yeah, not to mention, if the other woman is legally married, it will be a legal process for your now ex boyfriend to claim his child. You don't want to be a part of that drama.

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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Something smells fishy and it's not the cruise ship.

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blueyedbabes23 New Member

blueyedbabes23

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Yeah, not to mention, if the other woman is legally married, it will be a legal process for your now ex boyfriend to claim his child. You don't want to be a part of that drama.

 

 

Apaprently she was separated at the time she accepted his engagement. And is now divorced. He said something seemed unsettling and ran a background check and determined she was married. But who would go back out there for a cruise and knock her up? Thats completely selfish and stupid of him. I really can't believe I fell for this.

 

I am so at peace with things. I know I made the right decision. Thanks again everyone.

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