Pastypop Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 My in-laws can't stand the site of me and constantly attempt to cause power plays and conflict in my marriage. For the 5 years, I avoided it for the most part by limiting contact with us as much as possible. In two weeks, we have to attend my M-I-l birthday weekend. I've tried to get out of going but my husband wants me to be there. When I'm around my m-I-l and S-I-ls they are rude, make snippy comments, gang up on me, and take my husband aside and tell him rumors about me. Can I get some advice on how to deal with this? I would love to just go off on them and never see and speak to them again but, that would give them the upper hand in my marriage. So far for this horrible trip, I've booked a hotel so we don't have to stay with them, will be bringing my car and will missing most of the first day of the three day trip due to one of many activities that I keep my kids involved in so that I have to see these people less and less each year. I also plan to tell them that I forgot to go back to school shopping and the stuff is due at the school the next day after we get home. So I created many outs, just want to be able to deal with the abusive behavior. Wish I could get some legal document saying my kids didn't have to go around them!! They won't even say hello to me yet, expect me to drive my kids up to see them all the time. Like that's going to happen.
2sunny Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 (edited) What evidence do they have to support their "rumors"? It's not unlawful - but it may be disrespectful. Your posting history shows evidence that you hand his family a LOT of YOUR power. Have a voice and speak your truth. It isn't your husbands job to speak for you. If you don't want your kids spending time with her then simply tell her NO...in a neutral voice. There are times when pointing out unkind comments can shut them down "that's unkind of you to say that" works wonders. Edited July 15, 2013 by 2sunny
SammySammy Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Why do they not like you? What does your husband say about how they treat you? 1
Author Pastypop Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Ah my husband! He ignores the behavior or just caves into her needs. He hardly ever defends me unless I make him. He did confront his brother about an extremely nasty rumor because I hounded him to death. Six months ago I changed my phone number because I didn't want to be contacted by them under any circumstances and told him not give it to his family. The MIL found out three weeks ago that I had it disconnected. As soon as she got him alone, he gave it to her. I went off on him in a blind rage that I am ashamed of and got my changed the after he gave it to her.
2sunny Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Again, how have you participated throughout the M? What exactly did you do that made them dislike you? 1
HokeyReligions Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 If you're taking your car drop hubby at the doot then take off with the kids for the weekend. Send your husband a text and tell him you do not deserve to be treated that way and your kids sure don't need to witness their mother being treated like that. And you feel its time for you to stand up and be a good role model for them. Then have some fun with the kids before school starts. We program people how to treat us. 1
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 My in-laws can't stand the site of me and constantly attempt to cause power plays and conflict in my marriage. For the 5 years, I avoided it for the most part by limiting contact with us as much as possible. In two weeks, we have to attend my M-I-l birthday weekend. I've tried to get out of going but my husband wants me to be there. When I'm around my m-I-l and S-I-ls they are rude, make snippy comments, gang up on me, and take my husband aside and tell him rumors about me. Can I get some advice on how to deal with this? I would love to just go off on them and never see and speak to them again but, that would give them the upper hand in my marriage. So far for this horrible trip, I've booked a hotel so we don't have to stay with them, will be bringing my car and will missing most of the first day of the three day trip due to one of many activities that I keep my kids involved in so that I have to see these people less and less each year. I also plan to tell them that I forgot to go back to school shopping and the stuff is due at the school the next day after we get home. So I created many outs, just want to be able to deal with the abusive behavior. Wish I could get some legal document saying my kids didn't have to go around them!! They won't even say hello to me yet, expect me to drive my kids up to see them all the time. Like that's going to happen. Yet you mentioned your husband will not stand up for you. OH HELL NO...not only would I not go, but i would tell Mr. Pasty that your participation in any and all family events and activities from this point forward is 100% dependent upon him telling his family that you are his wife and they are to treat you, the mother of his children, with respect AND he is to back it up with actions. If he wants to have you there, he will tell his family what's what and back it up, his choice. Be prepared to walk out the door, with your kids, if anyone steps out of line, and do it. I wouldn't make up a reason to leave. Your children should not witness disrespect of their mother, so if its in front of them they will also not have relationship with his family. Poster who said you train people how to treat you by what you except is right on. I lack tolerance for this, and I do not think you give respect to parents or elders if they cannot show basic respect. Did something happen that caused all this? Is there any shot at repairing the relationship?
bubbaganoosh Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 What bothers me more than anything is she shouldn't have to ask her husband to defend her. If he was more of a man, he would let the whole sinking family know that this kind of crap won't be tolerated and if you can't accept my wife than you can't accept me. There's no excuse for ignorance on their part and his candy ass behavior. 2
2sunny Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 If someone talked trash about me - I would NEVER, EVER allow my kids to go stay with them! EVER! Imagine what poison your kids hear when they are there for a week... I'd never allow that! 1
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