Does it just come and go all of a sudden?

[NYCGuy22]

The big break-up was well over a month - and like most people I was a mess for the first couple weeks. Over the last week, however, things have been awesome. The thoughts weren't there...the dreams weren't there...the waking up and missing her wasn't there. It really seemed like I moved on from needing her/missing her to truly not wanting her in my life (she emotionally cheated and left me for him after a 6 yr relationship). I had myself convinced that she wasn't worth my time or energy anymore.

 

Here comes today and I can't stop thinking about her. Thinking about what we had...thinking about what she is doing now...and wondering how she could choose someone else over me after 6 years. Why do these thoughts and feelings just pop up again after not being there?? I thought I was on the path to feeling awesome again and then my mind screws with me today.

 

Is this normal? Am I on the right track at least?

[Lordhellish]

I am on the same path as you but I am 4 months post BU and 3 months NC after a 6 year relationship. Yes the emotions are still powerful even still. I had brief spell of feeling on top of the world for about two weeks, then let my imagination wander like yours seems to and it brings me back down. I imagined she was happy with her new guy and life was great, and here I was still missing her. Turns out she is miserable, in a controlling relationship and she has received warnings at work about her professional behaviour. She isn't doing great, but she is stubborn. It has helped me to know this breakup has affected her.

 

Expect to go through the emotions for the next few months. Flirting (and more) with girls certainly helps pass the time, and improve your confidence and mood just don't jump into a new relationship. You will have odd days where you are pretty down, but these get further apart.

 

Don't expect too much too soon. 6 years is a long time, and so a month and a bit isn't long for the your brain to purge itself of thoughts about her. You are on the right track if you stay NC.

[mahon451]

I'm 6 months out, and it still comes and goes. One day, I'll feel fine, and the next, I won't. I expect this to go on for quite some time.

 

A month is nothing. You'll need more time than that, and you MUST allow yourself to grieve properly. Don't try to mask it, distract yourself from it, or drown it with booze. It'll only prolong the process.

 

Now is the time to focus on YOU. Workout, go out, flirt/get laid (if that's your bag), learn a new skill/hobby... whatever gets you by. But allow the grief process to happen, or it will bite you in the arse later.

[JDPT]

Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster. I found out yesterday that there is really no standard steps one experiences during the break up process. I for instance felt liberated, empowered and to a certain degree happy when my ex dumped me, however, that joy didn't last for long a month after I started thinking, wanting answers, missing here desperately and here I am. Luckily things appear to be getting better, I simply take it a day at a time and if that's too much I take it an hour at a time. We will have weak moments when we feel like contacting our exes, or contemplating the thought of getting back with them and losing our dignity in the process. These are just weak moments, analyze the reasons why you guys are no longer together from a very objective perspective (I understand that's difficult but a must) and come to terms being honest with yourself only. It will take time, it's a process, some get through it faster some take a bit more time but always keeping in mind what our objective is.

[Philosoraptor]

It's not a setback unless you let it be. Healing is a cycle and it's normal to bounce back and forth a bit for a little bit. What's important is that you continue to make progress and not let a little bump set you back in your healing process.