kevtastic Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 Help I am having trouble. I got involved in a work relationship about a year ago. We work together everyday. We have broke up a few times and have always gotten back together. Now she left me again and I am confused. She tells me that chances are good that she will come back to me but she needs to get happy without me around. I told her this is hurting me horribly and please not to do this and all she can say is sorry. She says she loves me and misses me. She says she cares about me. How then is she able to hurt me? If she cares so much, how is she able to get happy knowing I am in misery. I am so in love I ran out and bought her an expensive gift and left it at her car at work today. I NEED ADVICE. I NEED GUIDANCE. PLEASE!!!! I have never felt this strong about someone. I have never been this much in love. I have never hurt this much. All of this I have told her and it still does not matter. I feel like I am getting mixed signals. All I know is I STILL WANT HER BACK. No matter what she puts me through I would take her back. I just hate the thought of it really being over this time. Thanks to all that respond.
Merin Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 Can you give more details as to why the two of you broke up? Might be easier to see where she may have been coming from with more 411...
Author kevtastic Posted October 24, 2004 Author Posted October 24, 2004 Well lets see. We met at work. We started out dating last october but it quickly turned into a relationship. She lives in a house with her sister, her sister's boyfriend 3 kids, 3 dogs, and a cat. In the beginning she seemed so into me. She would really miss me alot. She would get bummed out if she did not get to see me at night. We have similiar likes in music, movies, and food. We like to do most of the same stuff. I found her very attractive and she said she finds me very handsome. I thought I had finally found the ONE. We started to fight on and off about her sister trying to influence things. Her sister was always getting involved in the relationship and putting her 2 sense in. We fought about silly stuff that I cant really remember now. Lately though, my concerns have been about the fact that she has changed. She started saying she missed me but she says she cannot let it bother here like it used to. She doesnt seem to need to see me everyday now. She says she loves me, but cannot put a guage or value on it. We started out with her spending the night 3 to 4 days a week. Then her sister got mad and that had to change. Everything in the relationship has been diluted from the way it was in the beginning. She used to want and enjoy sex as much as me and as of late had been saying she still enjoyed it but has wanted way less than before. Sorry if I am rambling. I am really a mess lately.
Merin Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 So are you saying you think her sister influenced the break up? Your girlfriend didn't give you any reason why she wanted to end the relationship?
Author kevtastic Posted October 25, 2004 Author Posted October 25, 2004 No, I don't think her sister has directly influenced her on this particular decision, but I do believe her sister has had influence throughout the relationship. Her sister tends to be a very negative person with little positive to say. She is the type that throws her 2 cents in regardless of whether you want to hear it or not. My ex shares this rental house. Both her and her sisters name is on the lease and they both pay equal halves. But once in the past when we broke up and got back together her decided I was not allowed in "her house" and I could not come over to see my ex. My ex did not stand up for us and I have not been over since. Her sister has her and her kids in 2 of the bedrooms, she has also taken over the basement and the living room leaving my ex with only her room. Yet my ex doesn't say anything. When we were on dates her sister would call and take an hour of our date time to talk to my ex and then call back in an hour or two and angrily ask when she was coming home. My ex seems to be a push over except for when it comes to me. She has battled depression in the past, and now blames her latest bout on the relationship. She also says that in the past she has been able to control her depression without medicine, but the relationship has caused her to not be able to control it and she has been on depression medicine for many months. I try to ask her questions, but by her on admission, she says she is not the greatest at communicating or putting her feelings into words. Now she tells me if I give her time and things go as planned that I have a very good chance of getting her back. Whatever the heck that means. I said to her that I did not want to put my life on hold just for her to decide later to change her mind on coming back and she says she won't, but also says she cannot make any promises. She is confusing the crap out of me. She barely talks to me anymore. I can't even get her to talk to me on the phone to say a simple hi. I asked straight up if she is taking advantage of me or playing me for a fool and she said no. What gives..........
Merin Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 Well... I'm still very unclear as to why she wanted to break up with you? You've never said what her reason(s) were or are. So all I can really do is speculate... LOL which is all I could've done anyway but still... knowing why she wanted to break up to begin with probably would help you get a few more responses to your thread. My take on it (just from what I can understand) is that your girlfriends sister acts as kind of a "Mother figure" in her life... I don't know if thats due to her not being close to her Mom or where it comes from.. but it seems that is the case. Two... If after the two of you had broke up and her sister no longer wanted you in thier home, it is because of things your Ex told her sister regarding the two of you. I can gaurantee that. As you've said the relationship has not always been the best, and at this point now she is taking medication for depression that she feels was brought on by the relationship the two of you had... so I'm sure her sister doesn't think you are good for her. As far as her sister being so involved in the relationship... calling her constantly and so on... the only person who could've put a stop to that and chose not to, is your Ex. Again, you really don't know everything she told her sister regarding the two of you.. and I'm willing to bet it was all pretty much negative... so makes it pretty hard for her sister to think well of you know what I'm saying? She now says she wants to be alone... and that maybe in time the two of you will get back together... you're right in not wanting to wait "Forever" for this to happen and as you've said, it may never happen. At this point, I would really leave her be. Give her the time and distance she wants and be good to yourself. Given enough time and space she may decide she wants to try again, or she may decide not to... but either way, at least you've given YOURSELF time and space to heal and feel better about you... in the end once you've taken a step back.. who knows you may be the one who decides you don't need the drama in your life any longer. Good Luck
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