rastamoose Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I'm sure this has been asked before. I am pretty good at not thinking about my ex. I don't use that rubber band trick, I can just block it out most times. Is this helping though? Is this repressing feelings that will one day come back, or is it moving on? I don't want to keep thinking about her, I don't want it all to come back either.
Philosoraptor Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Repressing feelings is not the way to go. One needs to allow themselves to feel, but find something positive to do to make yourself happy once you've let yourself work through the negative thoughts and feelings. 1
lessica Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I'm sure this has been asked before. I am pretty good at not thinking about my ex. I don't use that rubber band trick, I can just block it out most times. Is this helping though? Is this repressing feelings that will one day come back, or is it moving on? I don't want to keep thinking about her, I don't want it all to come back either. I am not sure, but I think repressing feelings happens on a subconscious level, sometimes without our knowledge. Where as thinking about someone then blocking it out or distracting oneself is simply lessening the emotional reaction to the thoughts of them. Which I think is a good thing. It is actually considered a type of cognitive therapy, and is offered as a tool during therapy. The basic notion is do not have an emotional reaction to the thought, think it, then think something else, and eventually you will ignore that thought. The heart beats on it's own, without our telling it to, thoughts pop into our minds on their own as well. If you dismiss a particular thought, and give it no emotional significance the thought tends to lessen, as does your response to it. It could be that you are just really good at doing this naturally. I never took psychology at uni, be I remember a lecturer explaining it to me when I was complaining about stress, he said how successful it is for treating anxiety disorders and obsessive compulsive disorders, and that some people are natural great at it.
Talulah Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I feel that when I supress feelings, I usually dream about them. I feel that your subconscious works out what you supress while you sleep. If this happens to you, then those feelings are still strong.
lessica Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I feel that when I supress feelings, I usually dream about them. I feel that your subconscious works out what you supress while you sleep. If this happens to you, then those feelings are still strong. I had a dream that my recent ex cheated and I didn't care at all. What would that imply? Maybe I was suppressing the fact I didn't love him.
xilver Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I'm sure this has been asked before. I am pretty good at not thinking about my ex. I don't use that rubber band trick, I can just block it out most times. Is this helping though? Is this repressing feelings that will one day come back, or is it moving on? I don't want to keep thinking about her, I don't want it all to come back either. You have to let yourself feel. It will make you stronger. Remember all the bad stuff. Just don't worry about what she is doing or anything like that. Think about mistakes you might have made and how you can grow from the experience.
Eivuwan Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I think it's important to have a period of time processing feelings and learning from the relationship. It's all about balance. Doing this too much can lead to obsessive thoughts that don't go anywhere. Too little and you might have the same issues in your next relationship.
aloneinaz Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I agree with Lessica. Let the feelings come but don't associate any feelings towards them one way or the other. I still think about my ex but I catch myself and immediantly follow the thought with "I'm glad to be done with that relationship as it wasn't healthy". You're having a negative thought (thinking about the ex) then a positive affermation that you're better off w/out them. I think where lots of folks get stuck in mooning over an ex for days/weeks or months, is they only chose to remember the good times. They overlook the bad in the person and their bad traits or behaviors. It's rare that a relationship suddenly just ends. If were honest, we know the relationship was starting to go down hill before someone pulled the plug. I've said it before, I'm greatful that my ex showed her true personality the last 4-5 months of our off/on relationship. When I think of her now, all I can think of is what a selfish, moody, quick tempered bitch she was. Who would want to go back to that..
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