starlet86 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 For the past few weeks although things have been up and down with my ex, I have found myself becoming more focused on myself and things that matter to me. When my ex cut me off a week ago after he had no use for me anymore I was angry more than sad, not at him, but at myself for being so stupid. We have been in NC for over a week now except when he contacted me asking me for sexual favours. I haven't spoken to him for days now and I haven't had the breaking down crying moments I was expecting. I actually feel happy still and I don't know if this is the onset of an episode or not. The thing is, although I am happy. I miss him like crazy and I want him to speak to me. I wont initiate contact though because if he wanted to speak to me he would. Me contacting him is going to do nothing but leave me disappointed. Last night I was lying thinking of all the crappy things he done to me and I didn't get upset, it was the first time in a long time that I actually remember how horrible and selfish he could be towards me. I don't understand though why I am happy and not miserable being in NC with him, when I still truly miss him and would love for us to try and work out stuff and see where we end up. Every day he doesn't contact me hurts a little bit more and leaves me feeling like I meant nothing to him. It sucks.
Legatus Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I believe subconsciously you realized that there's nothing to be sad about. Trust your mind! Perhaps you don't miss him but the feeling of having someone in your life. If that's the problem than it's normal - I miss it too. On the other hand I know the feeling will come back once I meet someone special, someone who can actually be trusted. My bet is he won't contact you. I am not going to comment on the "sexual favours" part. I think he has no respect for you. You should stay NC until you are ready to face him, but you have to be sure that absolutely nothing will be able to influence you emotionally. The fact that you're happy is just your mind and heart telling you "it's all right to be happy", you should listen to them both. I was happy 5 minutes after meeting my ex last week, though I thought I'd be devasted. But then I realized - it's a good thing, I finally got my respect back and that's all counts. She didn't care for the last few months, and I don't care now. Do your thing and don't bother with thoughts about him. NC is a good way to go in your situation I believe. Complete ignorance. I realized that once you can think about the ex like you think about times past (like high school, or other people you met etc.) that's the moment life is getting better by minute... 1
Author starlet86 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Thank you. I agree, I don't think he will contact me and I highly doubt he has any respect for me at all. In all honesty, he makes me feel inadequate and worthless. He has told me countless times that I pushed him away from wanting to sort things because I questioned if he had just used me for money or not. All signs point to the fact that he did in fact use me, as he was quite willing to try and reinforce I mattered to him when he wanted something, when he had no further use for me he stopped trying to prove he cared. Is it normal to want him to contact me/
Legatus Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 It is absolutely normal. after all we're just humans, and moreover we are those ones who actually have emotions, not like the bunch on the other side who just simply don't care. If someone makes you feel the way you described, they don't deserve to have you in your life. As you rightly said he only wanted contact with you when he needed something. And of course he has temper to try to shift the blame on you. Don't let him! (I really need to buy a crossbow for people like him!) I still want to contact my ex. Last text I got from her was 4 days ago, she said "I really expected a message from you today". I didn't replay. I told her I don't want to contact her, but probably because I was texting her back 2 days before, she thought like we can be friends (!). So I didn't reply, but I still want to. It's the good side in us, even though I established my advantage, I am still willing to calm her down etc. even though it's not my freaking job! It's not yours to try to explain anything to him. If he will - that's all right. But be strong. I have a feeling you can do it! If he contacts you, wait with response until you are completely dettached from him...
lessica Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 For the past few weeks although things have been up and down with my ex, I have found myself becoming more focused on myself and things that matter to me. When my ex cut me off a week ago after he had no use for me anymore I was angry more than sad, not at him, but at myself for being so stupid. We have been in NC for over a week now except when he contacted me asking me for sexual favours. I haven't spoken to him for days now and I haven't had the breaking down crying moments I was expecting. I actually feel happy still and I don't know if this is the onset of an episode or not. The thing is, although I am happy. I miss him like crazy and I want him to speak to me. I wont initiate contact though because if he wanted to speak to me he would. Me contacting him is going to do nothing but leave me disappointed. Last night I was lying thinking of all the crappy things he done to me and I didn't get upset, it was the first time in a long time that I actually remember how horrible and selfish he could be towards me. I don't understand though why I am happy and not miserable being in NC with him, when I still truly miss him and would love for us to try and work out stuff and see where we end up. Every day he doesn't contact me hurts a little bit more and leaves me feeling like I meant nothing to him. It sucks. I am in exactly the same boat. My ex of 7 years left me, and though he still contacts me (I don't reply), I feel nothing about it. I was more devastated by his actions in the relationship than by not having him around. I am waiting for the sadness to kick in but it just hasn't happened, I feel happy. I was really sad and cried in secret in the days before he moved out, but once he was gone there was nothing. I laughed and had a great time tonight, thought about him, missed him, but no real emotional reactions. Last night I had a dream that he was cheating on me, and I didn't care at all in my dream. When I woke up it didn't effect me at all (I am the type that wakes up crying from disturbing dreams). I just don't get why it isn't hurting. It is very over, he has a new home, but I just don't care that much. I love him and miss him if I specifically think that way, but I have to initiate that thinking, it doesn't happen automatically. All I can think is maybe I am not as 'in love' as I thought I was.
xilver Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 We have been in NC for over a week now except when he contacted me asking me for sexual favours. That is disgraceful and disrespectful to you and the relationship you had. He only wants you for sex now. I would never speak to him again unless that's cool with you. He wants to be an occasional sex partner now. Nothing more.
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