darna Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Hello Everyone, Please help. So a guy at match contacted me. He said he found my profile very interesting and intelligent and that he is attracted to me. I find him very attractive too. We ended up taking a walk for our first meet up. Then we sat on a field and chatted under the stars. It was the most romantic thing I have ever done. I thought we had a really great time. He made me laugh so hard. He hugged me a lot too. But I was a little guarded because it was the first time I met him. At the end of the night he gave me a super tight hug and lifted me up. He asked me a lot of questions too but I feel that I did not answer them as completely as I want to because I was just nervous. So when I got home I sent him a text message: I said" It was nice meeting you. I really had a great time... let me know if you want to go for a walk again." But he didn't reply. I don't know what possesed me but I ended up emailing him the following day trying to explain why I was so guarded that evening. Here's my e-mail to him: "Forgive me if I was too guarded the first time we were together. It was the first time I met you and I wasn't sure about your intentions. I was not playing hard to get. Believe me I wanted to hold your hand and hug you more. I just did not feel that it was the proper thing to do at that time. I did not want you to think less of me. More importantly, I have never dated in my entire life. All the boyfriends I had were friends which developed into relationship. I never had a chance to date. So you are my first date. Sorry for not knowing what to do. I think I might have broken a lot of first date rules but I do not care. I do not want to play any headgames. I have no time nor energy for that. You said that you have no time for playing games either so trust that you mean that. So if you are not interested in me I hope that you let me know. And if you are interested in knowing how things go between us, I hope you'll let me know too..." I know that I most likely came too strongly or agressive. It's almost two weeks since we talked and he has not contacted me at all. Do you think I still have a chance of redeeming myself? By the way, I have not contacted him again after that email. I am embarrased actually. But what should I do? I really like him and can't stop thinking about him. Should I just move on or maybe let more time pass by and contact him again? Please help... Thanks!!!
StayBeautiful Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 He is not interested. It sucks, but we've all had them. Great first dates that disappear into thin air. The email was a bit much to be honest, but I don't think that put him off... he was already not going to contact you. 2
SoulJazzBlues Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Do. Not. Contact. Him. Again Delete his details, suck it up and move on. You don't owe anyone an explanation for being on your guard on the first date. That email was a little too much and frankly I'd be scared off. If you feel you had a nice date, a simple "had a great time, it was lovely meeting you :)" is more han sufficient. If you get no response, move on! Being guarded is a good thing! 2
Author darna Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 Super thank you for the replies! Oh well, I guess I'll just move on! It was a learning experience I suppose.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Yes, you will run into a few guys that just want quick sex. I think thats why he hasnt contacted you, because he knows you are serious and he wasnt going to get it easy. So dont worry about it, youre not missing anything with this guy. 2
Adele0908 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 It seems like you care a lot about what he thinks, and you barely know him. The text was sweet but it leaves nothing to imagination. It takes the excitement out of it if he knows you want to see him again. The email is understandable, but if someone were to send that to me, after just one date, I would wonder why they are so worried and insecure. It would make me think that they might turn out to be a clingy and needy person. I'm not saying you are needy, but can you ask yourself why you took his lack of a response to your text as rejection? Why did you assume that he rejected you, and why apologize for your behavior when you have no idea how he really feels because you didn't talk to him? Imagine if someone sent you a lengthy email apologizing for their behavior after a first date, even though they didn't really do anything "wrong". Would you think that person has low self esteem? 1
Author darna Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 Hi Adele, Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post. The reason why I apologized to him is because I felt that I might have offended him during the date. When he hugged me after the date he told me, "I'm not that type of guy". So I thought the reason why he didn't text me was that.
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I think your email did you in, and likely scared him away. You didn't even give him 24 hours to respond to your text before you sent it, and it was way too much. Next time, send the thank you text and forget about it. If he's interested, he'll contact you again. If not, just move on. No long emails.
Adele0908 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 You assumed that you offended him, with no proof or evidence. Men are not that sensitive. I doubt that you actually offended him. He probably forgot about it. And if you did offend him, so what! I seriously doubt that he stayed up all night worried about it. But here you are worried and anxious. He probably forgot about the whole thing and is living his life. It's up to him if he decides to take it personally, so don't worry about offending him. Don't assume anything ever. Ask if you don't understand. It will save you a lot of headache and worry.
Imajerk17 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I'm wondering how old the OP and the guy she went out on a date are. Thing is, most of us answering this are in our 30s I believe so we have "the rules of dating" down better, and we expect the person we are seeing to have them down too. If the OP and the guy she went on a date with are much younger then both are used to more immature (don't know if that is quite the right word) behavior such as this email. Darna, you now know well enough not to send an email like this in the future. The text "I had a great time thank you" is great and plenty. The email you sent was TMI. I'm thinking though, that if the guy was into the OP in the first place, he would have overlooked this email or even thought it was cute. AND he would have responded to her text. How many of us were into someone even early on after they did something dumb?
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I'm thinking though, that if the guy was into the OP in the first place, he would have overlooked this email or even thought it was cute. AND he would have responded to her text. How many of us were into someone even early on after they did something dumb? "Into the OP" after one date, such that he'd overlook a grossly inappropriate email like that? Doubtful. I don't think anyone can recover from that, unless the recipient was needy and dependent and otherwise emotionally unhealthy.
Imajerk17 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 "Into the OP" after one date, such that he'd overlook a grossly inappropriate email like that? Doubtful. I don't think anyone can recover from that, unless the recipient was needy and dependent and otherwise emotionally unhealthy. I don't know. You've read the threads on here. People pursue relationships all the time when there were red flags right from the beginning that were a lot more glaring than the OP's email. The OP's email was TMI but it wasn't horrible. She said things out loud that a lot of people think after a first date they were excited about.
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I don't know. You've read the threads on here. People pursue relationships all the time when there were red flags right from the beginning that were a lot more glaring than the OP's email. And those relationships involve emotionally unhealthy people.
Author darna Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 @Peace - no he did not mention about any future meet ups... I should have gotten a hint... @Imajerk - We're both 34.... Yup, I guess I'm really very unfamiliar about all this dating thing... @Star Gazer - so no hope at all??? By the way, what does OP mean? Thanks! I really appreciate your brutal honesty. I guess I will just use this as a learning opportunity. I should have just blogged rather than sent him the e-mail!!! Hahaha..
Imajerk17 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 And those relationships involve emotionally unhealthy people. Maybe. But the red flags were worse, a lot worse than the OP's email. OP merely expressed out loud feelings that are pretty understandable. She didn't really say anything that bad in her email. My point is that it probably was already "off" before the OP sent that email.
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Maybe. But the red flags were worse, a lot worse than the OP's email. OP merely expressed out loud feelings that are pretty understandable. She didn't really say anything that bad in her email. My point is that it probably was already "off" before the OP sent that email. We'll have to agree to disagree. It wasn't the content of her thoughts that is a problem, but that she memorialized them in an email she sent to a veritable stranger. That is a HUGE HUGE red flag for the recipient of such an email. Even if I thought a guy was dreamy, if he sent me that, he'd never hear from me again. It screams of lack of judgment and control, emotional instability, insecurity, and neediness... And after a first meet, that's pretty bad!
New User Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 @Peace - no he did not mention about any future meet ups... I should have gotten a hint... @Imajerk - We're both 34.... Yup, I guess I'm really very unfamiliar about all this dating thing... @Star Gazer - so no hope at all??? By the way, what does OP mean? Thanks! I really appreciate your brutal honesty. I guess I will just use this as a learning opportunity. I should have just blogged rather than sent him the e-mail!!! Hahaha.. OP= Original poster. (eg: you)
Author darna Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 Thanks for clarifying what OP means! @Star Gazer - I would have done the same if someone sent me an e-mail like that. I am truly embarassed. Believe me! So in your opinion, before the e-mail, he was not into me already.
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 So in your opinion, before the e-mail, he was not into me already. I don't have an opinion about that because there's really no way to know. You didn't even give the guy a chance to show you whether he was interested before you fired off the email 24 hours later. If he was interested, that email killed it. You'll never know now. That said, given his behavior (the lift up hug at the end), if you hadn't sent the email, I would have expected to hear from him again. But please don't email him again asking for another chance.
Author darna Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 Thanks Star! This is such a painful lesson to learn but it's better to learn it now than later. I guess that's what first dates are for. I'm really crushed that I messed this one up. Hay, too bad...
Star Gazer Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Thanks Star! This is such a painful lesson to learn but it's better to learn it now than later. I guess that's what first dates are for. I'm really crushed that I messed this one up. Hay, too bad... You don't know that you did. It's just as possible that he wouldn't have contacted you even without the email. The problem with the email is now you're in a "I'll never know!" kind of unanswered purgatory. BUT, that goes with the territory in OLD. So many just go POOF! even after the best of dates. It'll likely happen again, even without another email. Ya gotta learn to shrug it off. Just don't email like that again, and you'll be fine.
Author darna Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 Thanks Star! I promise I won't do that again.
pcplod Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Hello Everyone, Please help. So a guy at match contacted me. He said he found my profile very interesting and intelligent and that he is attracted to me. I find him very attractive too. We ended up taking a walk for our first meet up. Then we sat on a field and chatted under the stars. It was the most romantic thing I have ever done. I thought we had a really great time. He made me laugh so hard. He hugged me a lot too. But I was a little guarded because it was the first time I met him. At the end of the night he gave me a super tight hug and lifted me up. He asked me a lot of questions too but I feel that I did not answer them as completely as I want to because I was just nervous. So when I got home I sent him a text message: I said" It was nice meeting you. I really had a great time... let me know if you want to go for a walk again." But he didn't reply. I don't know what possesed me but I ended up emailing him the following day trying to explain why I was so guarded that evening. Here's my e-mail to him: "Forgive me if I was too guarded the first time we were together. It was the first time I met you and I wasn't sure about your intentions. I was not playing hard to get. Believe me I wanted to hold your hand and hug you more. I just did not feel that it was the proper thing to do at that time. I did not want you to think less of me. More importantly, I have never dated in my entire life. All the boyfriends I had were friends which developed into relationship. I never had a chance to date. So you are my first date. Sorry for not knowing what to do. I think I might have broken a lot of first date rules but I do not care. I do not want to play any headgames. I have no time nor energy for that. You said that you have no time for playing games either so trust that you mean that. So if you are not interested in me I hope that you let me know. And if you are interested in knowing how things go between us, I hope you'll let me know too..." I know that I most likely came too strongly or agressive. It's almost two weeks since we talked and he has not contacted me at all. Do you think I still have a chance of redeeming myself? By the way, I have not contacted him again after that email. I am embarrased actually. But what should I do? I really like him and can't stop thinking about him. Should I just move on or maybe let more time pass by and contact him again? Please help... Thanks!!! Best to just put it behind you. You have to accept that the probability was that it was going to happen anyway and that what you said or did or did not say or do would have made no difference to the outcome. Alternatively, you could have found yourself pushing your own boundaries at a pace and in a way that you just would have not found natural. Try to think what your own needs and desires are out of a evolving relationship and whether you think they are generally and intrinsically appropriate for you, not try to set them to meet the demands of any one guy. Everyone needs to be a bit flexible, adaptable, but not to the extent that it would represent someone who they simply are not. Think about the other guys who you will now meet that you might not have otherwise have met. A bit of kidology will do you no harm.
therhythm Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Hello Everyone, Please help. So a guy at match contacted me. He said he found my profile very interesting and intelligent and that he is attracted to me. I find him very attractive too. We ended up taking a walk for our first meet up. Then we sat on a field and chatted under the stars. It was the most romantic thing I have ever done. I thought we had a really great time. He made me laugh so hard. He hugged me a lot too. But I was a little guarded because it was the first time I met him. At the end of the night he gave me a super tight hug and lifted me up. He asked me a lot of questions too but I feel that I did not answer them as completely as I want to because I was just nervous. So when I got home I sent him a text message: I said" It was nice meeting you. I really had a great time... let me know if you want to go for a walk again." But he didn't reply. I don't know what possesed me but I ended up emailing him the following day trying to explain why I was so guarded that evening. Here's my e-mail to him: "Forgive me if I was too guarded the first time we were together. It was the first time I met you and I wasn't sure about your intentions. I was not playing hard to get. Believe me I wanted to hold your hand and hug you more. I just did not feel that it was the proper thing to do at that time. I did not want you to think less of me. More importantly, I have never dated in my entire life. All the boyfriends I had were friends which developed into relationship. I never had a chance to date. So you are my first date. Sorry for not knowing what to do. I think I might have broken a lot of first date rules but I do not care. I do not want to play any headgames. I have no time nor energy for that. You said that you have no time for playing games either so trust that you mean that. So if you are not interested in me I hope that you let me know. And if you are interested in knowing how things go between us, I hope you'll let me know too..." I know that I most likely came too strongly or agressive. It's almost two weeks since we talked and he has not contacted me at all. Do you think I still have a chance of redeeming myself? By the way, I have not contacted him again after that email. I am embarrased actually. But what should I do? I really like him and can't stop thinking about him. Should I just move on or maybe let more time pass by and contact him again? Please help... Thanks!!! If you are really into him you should try to contact him. It seems anyhow he is not into you... sorry to say. Good luck whatever you decide to do
Author darna Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 Thanks Rhythm! I have decided not to contact him again. I'll just move on and hopefully find the ONE someday...
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