MRN13 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Ok, so this is the first time I have blogged about anything so bear with me. The situation is that I dumped my girlfriend of nearly 5 yrs about 3 months ago and still can not get over her, but the twist is that I DID NOT want to do it. A Lil backstory, we started dating at 16 and ended 3 months ago with me at 21 and her 20. We attended the same high school and even ended up going to the same college and had the same major. We both went into the nursing field and actually just graduated this past May. Looking back, she really was my first REAL relationship. We knew everything about each other and shared many similarities. As we started dating we were wrapped up in each other so much you couldn't pull us apart. She slowly became more jealous as years passed and began to tell me what friends I should and should not see and even try to tell me things I should and should not do. I never gave her any reason to be jealous because I never cheated on her or even hung around the opposite sex (not that she would allow in the first place anyways). All of this even continued thru college and became worse because we saw each other in all of our classes, cafeteria, and lived in the same building complex. I admit I was somewhat of a push-over but its because I hate confrontation and at all cost try to avoid arguments (as most guys do) but whats pathetic is 85-90% of the time it was not my fault. She would look at other couples and judge us off of them. She would see a guy hold his GF hand and be like. . .geez "Why can't you be like that?" When just 15-20 min ago I WAS holdin her hand. She would also point out everything I did and tell me ways that it could have been better. . . . .By now you are painting the picture of her pretty well im hoping. WELL, times finally came where I found myself crying alone in the shower because I found myself soul searching and realizing that I wasnt the same person anymore. I no longer was the guy that made everyone laugh (including myself) and just began feeling depressed for many months. It got to the point where I was not even sexually driven to her anymore. Finally, a night came where we were headed back to college from my hometown and we got into the biggest argument. REMEMBER THIS ( That night I had to drinks. . which she does not like me doing and she tried to get me to help her go a different way then we usually do so I said ok. Ends up that I supposedly did not see the landmark she was asking about yet she was certain it was there. So she proceeded to cuss me out and blame it all on the fact that I had 2 alcoholic beverages. I knew then that I could not cope anymore. The next day came and i ended it, there was tears from both sides and many questions as to why. The best way to sum it up was I sai I feel like I can't ever do anything right in your eyes or its never good enough-----> her response, "Well maybe if you did this, I wouldn't do that or maybe if you would do it this way i wouldn't be upset." She even got sick to her stomach and was on the verge of vomiting and I still got in the floor to hold her hair and her at the same time. She told me how I would regret it and this and that and I finally left with saying, "I came in her feeling like everything is always my fault and I'm leaving still feeling like everything is always my fault." Lets just say my last months of college was horrible. So in all of that, THIS IS WHERE I NEED YOU INPUT: 2-3 weeks after we broke up she started seeing another guy. She is now currently in a relationship with him. So she started dating, seeing, w/e you want to call it 2-3 wks after an almost 5yr relationship and now with only been broke up for 3 months has been in a relationship with him for almost a month now and is saying she is in love. It crushes me deep to hear and see of this. Also she has totally done a 360. She never was a drinker, maybe one drink in a two month span to now partying 2-3 times a week. She also always hated drugs and the guy she is with is known to be a pot head. Many of the same people she talked **** about she is now BFF with them. Everything she ever stood for and expected out of me, she is now involved in. Even when we broke up she never ONCE tried to fight for me. The day I ended it i never once received a TXT, Call, or visit. Yet i still think about her day in and out and spy on her thru things such as facebook. She has yet to make any contact with me what-so-ever. So my question to you all is WHY? Why am i having such a hard time coping when I am the one that ended it? Many say i am better off but it still hurts badly. I never wanted to do it but I knew deep down that it had to be done. Please tell me your opinions (guys and girls both). Why has she now become something that she always stood against.
Eivuwan Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Who really knows why. My theory is that she does not have a strong sense of self causing her to project her insecurities onto you and blame you for everything. Now that she is in a new relationship, she just remodeled her self to fit that relationship because she never had strong values in the first place. Do you get what I am saying? Seems like she does not have a cohesive identity outside of relationships. Anyway, I agree with all your friends that you're better off without her. It's a five year relationship. It's hard to get over such a long term relationship so quickly. Even though you are technically the dumper, she has left you emotionally a long time ago. You deserve someone who is going to treat you like the way you treat her.
tinker683 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Who really knows why. My theory is that she does not have a strong sense of self causing her to project her insecurities onto you and blame you for everything. Now that she is in a new relationship, she just remodeled her self to fit that relationship because she never had strong values in the first place. Do you get what I am saying? Seems like she does not have a cohesive identity outside of relationships. Anyway, I agree with all your friends that you're better off without her. It's a five year relationship. It's hard to get over such a long term relationship so quickly. Even though you are technically the dumper, she has left you emotionally a long time ago. You deserve someone who is going to treat you like the way you treat her. Indeedy. This is exactly what happened to me. I was the one who ended but not because I wanted too...but because she had stopped being in it on any level and while I loved her and wanted it to work, I also knew I deserved better than to be with someone who didn't want to be with me but didn't have the stones to end it herself. Also like you, she jumped right into another relationship. I was angry with her for a long time when I found out because I felt betrayed, used, replaced, as if I never had had any real meaning to her. But now...now I'm angry at myself for busting up so many of my own boundaries in the pursuit of trying to make it work. Now I feel almost (but only almost) sorry for her because, as Eivuwan pointed out, she doesn't have much of an identity outside of a relationship and can't function unless she has one. Which to me means, until she works on herself, she's got a loooooong road ahead of her. We may be suffering now, but we'll be much better off in the long run
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