hellon Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 So the ex says he wants nothing to do with me and yet, he hasn't un-friended me on the FB. I'm trying not to overanalyze this, and my guess is, he's so over it I'm just not even on his radar. In any case- I'm not really ready to shut that door myself, but I'm completely dreading the moment a picture of him with another woman pops up in my news feed, or he updates his relationship status. And I'm certain that will happen waaaaaay before I'm prepared to deal with it. In fact, I started my day feeling pretty OK about life, and then thinking about that sent me into a panicky downward spiral. So I don't know what to do. I know it would just be delaying the inevitable to block his info somehow, but is it possible to do that without actually un-friending? Ugh technology. I miss the days of the landline.
Author hellon Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 I'm not sure if just completely blocking is the right thing to do, this time around. I'm not sure why, but I don't want to seem petty or weak.
aloneinaz Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I'm not sure if just completely blocking is the right thing to do, this time around. I'm not sure why, but I don't want to seem petty or weak. You just said he's over you. If the relationship is over, why do you want to be "friends" on any media? You need to block him for your healing. Who cares what he thinks. He's not in you life anymore. You said it earlier that you couldn't handle seeing him w/another girl so your logic is broken. Block him and move on w/your life.
Author hellon Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 OK, good points all. I think it's the finality of it. Guess I'm not ready for that, either.
crimsoncurrent Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Coming from someone that hasn't seen his ex's fb profile in 6 months, and still thinks about her probably more often than he should, trust me, fb is unnecessary emotional and mental torture. I couldn't (and wouldn't) want to imagine where'd I'd be emotionally if I hadn't disconnected from FB. 1
Author hellon Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 This is just so new and confusing. I'll ever understand how people can just turn on a dime. I just almost texted him to let him know I might un-friend him. As if he cares. Dumb. I blocked my last ex completely, haven't heard from him or sought him out in three years, and I know I made the right choice there.
Author hellon Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Different circumstances, but I guess the same treatment wouldn't hurt.
ggas Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Let me tell you this. I'm pretty OK with the fact I was dumped few months ago and even so, today when I ended up on my ex's FB and saw her with some dude I was like "God Damn it! Why am I this stupid?". SO LISTEN! DO NOT under ANY let me repeat ANY CIRCUMSTANCES go on your exs FB. Even innocent pictures of him/her with another person of the opposite gender will trigger selfish emotions inside you. I was lucky enough to realize quite fast that all the emotions I was feeling were a consequence of selfishness and me being egocentric. I will NEVER AGAIN go on her FB for whatever reason. 1
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 So the ex says he wants nothing to do with me and yet, he hasn't un-friended me on the FB. I'm trying not to overanalyze this, and my guess is, he's so over it I'm just not even on his radar. In any case- I'm not really ready to shut that door myself, but I'm completely dreading the moment a picture of him with another woman pops up in my news feed, or he updates his relationship status. And I'm certain that will happen waaaaaay before I'm prepared to deal with it. In fact, I started my day feeling pretty OK about life, and then thinking about that sent me into a panicky downward spiral. So I don't know what to do. I know it would just be delaying the inevitable to block his info somehow, but is it possible to do that without actually un-friending? Ugh technology. I miss the days of the landline. Ah...the Facebook dilemma...you do know that Facebook is like the new Christmas letter? All happy blah blah, the face we present to the world without all the real pain and ugliness? It's not real life. Blocking serves exactly one purpose. To stop the circular painful thoughts that prevent you from healing. It's a pebble in your shoe. Remove it, it will feel weird at first, but in a minute it will feel so much better. 1
Emilia Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 So I don't know what to do. I know it would just be delaying the inevitable to block his info somehow, but is it possible to do that without actually un-friending? Ugh technology. I miss the days of the landline. Nothing to do with technology, merely with the enforcement of boundaries. Delete him and block him. 2
thegirlwhowaited Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 So the ex says he wants nothing to do with me and yet, he hasn't un-friended me on the FB. I'm trying not to overanalyze this, and my guess is, he's so over it I'm just not even on his radar. In any case- I'm not really ready to shut that door myself, but I'm completely dreading the moment a picture of him with another woman pops up in my news feed, or he updates his relationship status. And I'm certain that will happen waaaaaay before I'm prepared to deal with it. In fact, I started my day feeling pretty OK about life, and then thinking about that sent me into a panicky downward spiral. So I don't know what to do. I know it would just be delaying the inevitable to block his info somehow, but is it possible to do that without actually un-friending? Ugh technology. I miss the days of the landline. If you have any mutual friends, just block him, because chances are you will see him on your news feed through likes and comments via your friends. The quickest way to get the healing process started is to remove any and all contact through social media. It's hard, but you'll get through it! Good luck!
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I didn't block/unfriend my ex for political reasons right after the break (sister-in-law of my best friend, didn't want to make any waves that caused me or my friend annoyance), but what I did do was block their news feed. Therefore, I got no notifications from my ex at all. I was able to discipline myself from clicking on her wall, so I had no idea of anything my ex was doing (except tiny tidbits that my friend would tell me that I'd ignore, nothing earth-shattering) for roughly five months. But the only reasons that my alternate strategy worked were a) I was extremely disciplined about not clicking on her page and b) we only had five mutual friends. Of those friends, one was my best friend who never posted anything to do with her, one was her sister who never posts and the other three don't really interact with her. In general though, my solution worked, but I'd advise against it for most.
Emilia Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I didn't block/unfriend my ex for political reasons right after the break (sister-in-law of my best friend, didn't want to make any waves that caused me or my friend annoyance), . Good that you dealt with it so maturely but I can't help thinking most people overestimate the effect of a simple 'unfriend'.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Good that you dealt with it so maturely but I can't help thinking most people overestimate the effect of a simple 'unfriend'. It might not have caused any waves -- I might have been able to block/delete her without any kick back from her or her sister. But since she wasn't peppering me with bread crumbs and was allowing me to take my space, it was better to err on the side of caution. And I didn't want my buddy getting fallout, either from her or his wife. 1
Talulah Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Let me tell you this. I'm pretty OK with the fact I was dumped few months ago and even so, today when I ended up on my ex's FB and saw her with some dude I was like "God Damn it! Why am I this stupid?". SO LISTEN! DO NOT under ANY let me repeat ANY CIRCUMSTANCES go on your exs FB. Even innocent pictures of him/her with another person of the opposite gender will trigger selfish emotions inside you. I was lucky enough to realize quite fast that all the emotions I was feeling were a consequence of selfishness and me being egocentric. I will NEVER AGAIN go on her FB for whatever reason. It takes a lot of self-discipline to do that. Props to you
Ajax Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 When the girl I was dating dumped me three years ago I stayed Facebook friends with her for four months. I didn't talk to her, but I didn't want to shut that door. But like you, I feared the day when I saw a picture of her and her new boo. So I eventually worked up the courage to unfriend her. It was magnificent. Granted it didn't stop me from thinking about her, but in a sense is did help bring me some closure I'd been in desperate need of. When she broke my heart I'd had no say in the matter. It had been her choice and I was powerless to do anything. But unfriending her was my decision. It was an action I could take. And in a way, closing that door myself gave me a little of my self respect and power back. I know it's hard to pull the plug. It seems so final. But doing it sooner rather than later is the best thing you can do to move forward.
Author hellon Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 I didn't block/unfriend my ex for political reasons right after the break (sister-in-law of my best friend, didn't want to make any waves that caused me or my friend annoyance), but what I did do was block their news feed. Therefore, I got no notifications from my ex at all. I was able to discipline myself from clicking on her wall, so I had no idea of anything my ex was doing (except tiny tidbits that my friend would tell me that I'd ignore, nothing earth-shattering) for roughly five months. But the only reasons that my alternate strategy worked were a) I was extremely disciplined about not clicking on her page and b) we only had five mutual friends. Of those friends, one was my best friend who never posted anything to do with her, one was her sister who never posts and the other three don't really interact with her. In general though, my solution worked, but I'd advise against it for most. That takes a TON of discipline, but... I *think* I may be able to go this route. We have some mutual friends online, but no one who we both actually hang out with. I'm gonna try it, and see how it goes for a bit. As long as I stick to a no drinking and Facebooking rule...
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 How about just taking a break from social media in general? People are so hooked in. So unable to resist. I don't get it. Glad I don't have one single account, and don't even know what half of them mean or do...
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 That takes a TON of discipline, but... I *think* I may be able to go this route. We have some mutual friends online, but no one who we both actually hang out with. I'm gonna try it, and see how it goes for a bit. As long as I stick to a no drinking and Facebooking rule... Can you have a half a candy bar sitting there and not think about eating it? Obsess about it? Think about it. Isn't it easier if its not there? Unfriending is not permanent.
aloneinaz Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 That takes a TON of discipline, but... I *think* I may be able to go this route. We have some mutual friends online, but no one who we both actually hang out with. I'm gonna try it, and see how it goes for a bit. As long as I stick to a no drinking and Facebooking rule... That's a bad call... you're clinging to a link to her and it will ultimately bite you in the ass. You're broken up. They want to move on as should you. Cut this last tie for your well being and move on.. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 How about just taking a break from social media in general? People are so hooked in. So unable to resist. I don't get it. Glad I don't have one single account, and don't even know what half of them mean or do... That seems extreme. I mean, social media is fine as long as you take it for what it is. But you shouldn't have to nuke something you enjoy (it's an easy way to keep up with friends in other parts of the country) because things went south with one person. Just take the necessary measures. 1
Author hellon Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 That seems extreme. I mean, social media is fine as long as you take it for what it is. But you shouldn't have to nuke something you enjoy (it's an easy way to keep up with friends in other parts of the country) because things went south with one person. Just take the necessary measures. How about just taking a break from social media in general? People are so hooked in. So unable to resist. I don't get it. Glad I don't have one single account, and don't even know what half of them mean or do... I do occasionally deactivate for months at a time, I may now, it usually feels pretty liberating. I know social media is a good way to keep in touch with people, but sometimes (for some of us) it can start to be un-healthy. Like when going through a break-up, and everyone in your feed seems to be getting married... Like It-is-what-it-is said, it's not real life, it's the face we present to the world. BUT, it's too hard sometimes to resist comparisons, and separate reality from the presentation. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I guess I've never had that problem. Then again, I don't really pay much attention to my news feed anyway.
hippetyhop Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 When I ended it with my ex, I blocked him right away and I hid the newsfeed from good friends that I know he posts on. It was the only way for me to move on. Actually, after I blocked him and hid the newsfeed, I logged off and haven't been on since. I consider it a nice little break from the social media world. I just want to post on facebook how nice it is to be off of facebook! 1
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