Left Alone and Pregnant

July 15, 2013

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and my MM has left me alone during the whole pregnancy. I recently found out that he changed his number. I don't have no way of contacting him when the baby is born or when I go into labor. We were seeing each other for a year and a half when I became pregnant. He lied to me about his marital status. When I found out i was in love with him and unable to break it off. I was stupid I know. I regret this whole thing entirely if I could turn back the hands of time I would. I'm just so hurt I don't understand how he can go to bed at night knowing he's left me like this. No one knows because Im too ashamed to tell people about the mess I'm in. I'm having a hard time accepting that i will be having this baby alone. I'm hurting so bad. I can't believe that I was in love with someone like this. What should I do?

July 15, 2013

He lied to me about his marital status. When I found out i was in love with him and unable to break it off. I was stupid I know.

I can relate. A MM lied to me. I broke it off, but it shattered me.

You accept your mistake, and come out of the closet. Sue him for support.

July 15, 2013

First, tell yourself you do not want this man as your partner in life. He lied to you about his marital status. Your relationship started out under false pretenses. You can not trust this man. Thus. You should not try to convince yourself he is the one for you. Second, get a paternity test. He needs to financially support your child as he chose to partake in the affair. I would move on. Focus your love and attention on the gift of your baby. Babies are always a blessing.

July 15, 2013

I have a daughter with a MM. I truly believe he loves me but took the easy way out. As a mother, I couldn't and wouldn't do that.

I cried so much when I found out I was pregnant and when I had her. I was so upset to be doing it alone. To be the only one to pay the price for a choice we had both made.

But I can tell you, it was all worth it. My daughter is 3 months old. It hasn't been the easiest situation but I cannot imagine my life without her. When she smiles at me, I just melt. I am so lucky to have her. Regardless of the circumstances, I have been truly blessed. You are too.

July 15, 2013

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Generally speaking, I don't believe in divulging the affair, but this is one of the few situations I wonder about. Does he have other children? Will you someday want your child to know his/her brothers or sisters?

That is a tough call.

But most of all, he most assuredly DOES need to pay child support. If you are struggling, the state (if you are in the US) will pay for the paternity test and set up child support payments for you. That way you won't have to have any contact with him if you don't wish it. He absolutely needs to be responsible for this child. It is not something you should be shouldering yourself.

hang in there, I know it can't be easy. (((((((hurt)))))))

July 15, 2013

I'd look into finding a lawyer who practices Family Law. You may be able to sue him now for half of your medical expenses.

I was a single mom and one of the very first things I did was hire an attorney. It helped me not feel so alone knowing that I was getting some power in a powerless situation.

I know you want to think about him and what he's doing and everything but you really should shift your focus to you and your baby. You're the ones that matter the most in all this. You need to take good care of yourself right now because babies can sense their mother's stress.

Deep breaths.

July 15, 2013

1) Take care of yourself. #1 priority

2) Accept that you did something wrong by not leaving him when you found out, but you're finally out of the woods and can now move on with this ******* out of your life. Everyone makes mistakes. You're only human. Important thing is to learn from it.

3) Sue him for child support. No sympathy for him. He made his bed, now he has to lie in it. Your child needs the best life you can give him/her, and finances will be a part of that.

July 15, 2013

Sorry you are in so much pain But please know that a baby is a joy, a blessing. Please try to concentrate on that and ignore the selfish idiot that has left you in this mess.

He WILL be due to pay for his child but you can't make him want the baby sadly. Some people are simply blind and stupid - they don't value the things they should.

July 15, 2013

don't be ashamed most everybody loves babies xx

even stranger's ones, you know how women's instincts are, it is mother nature's way, some men too I guess, we all go bananas

yes get money off the guy, even might be legal info on-line, I am sorry he has gone.

I might edit out that the dad was an MM, I have a singe mother friend who gives vague answers too about her sons dad, v cagey, maybe she has a story that is difficult, you n her are the same position

babies and lil children can be brought up to be any sort of good person, you be a proud mother

Edited July 15, 2013 by darkmoon

July 15, 2013

First and foremost, congrats on your new little one! You will be so focused on loving this little piece of you that your hurt and love for this scumbag will become much weaker. I too was left alone and pregnant (he wasn't married, but he did leave me for someone else). Throughout the entire pregnancy I was tormented, heartbroken, worried, scared, alone and hurt. But once my beautiful son arrived, it was just the two of us and it was the most precious thing in the world. Then you know what I did? Tracked down my sprem donor and claimed the child support I was rightfully owed. If your xMM thinks changing his phone number is his get out of jail free card, honey, that man has a rude awakening coming. DNA tests don't lie. The courts will track him down. My sperm donor dodged child support for so long, a sheriff had to serve him with papers. This may not be your ideal situation now, but everything in the end will work out. I promise.

July 15, 2013

Take a deep breath,everything is going to be okay.

You are stressed out and hormonal,take care of yourself and try to relax for your and your baby's sake.

I agree with what other people said,you should definitely contact an attorney asap your MM should be helping you with the medical bills as well as providing child support. Please start working on it and don't procrastinate.

I'm sorry you are in such a situation,I know it can't be easy but this is supposed to be a joyful time for you don't let the circumstances and your MM ruin it for you. My MM got me pregnant but I decided to terminate because I didn't have the courage or strength to go through what you are going through,I regret my decision everyday. You are a strong and independent woman you do not need him by your side however that doesn't mean he gets a free pass from his financial obligation.

You are pregnant,you are carrying an innocent life inside of you.I cannot imagine a more magical and beautiful thing. Enjoy it,focus on you and your baby,try to keep your mind off MM by keeping busy with preparations for the baby. Try to get support from friends and family members,you are not alone in this and you don't have to be. Stay strong,I know you can do it

July 15, 2013

I am sorry for your situation. My exMM also lied to me about his status and I was in over my head when the truth was finally revealed...so I get it.

As far as the disappearing daddy, once the baby comes, if you file for child support the state will hunt him down for you. Do hire a family lawyer if possible. If that isn't financially feasible, visit your family court and they will give you someone to speak with. If by some miracle you are independently wealthy...I vote for raising this baby on your own. Your exMM sounds shifty. Be prepared for when you file for child support that he suddenly wants to raise the child himself, or have a big part in doing so. This will legally bind you to him until your child is 18. Maybe it won't be bad...maybe he'd rise to the occasion and be decent...or he could be a litigious prick.

Take care of yourself. I do hope things turn out well for you. Keep us posted.

July 15, 2013

1) Take care of yourself. #1 priority
2) Accept that you did something wrong by not leaving him when you found out, but you're finally out of the woods and can now move on with this ******* out of your life. Everyone makes mistakes. You're only human. Important thing is to learn from it.
3) Sue him for child support. No sympathy for him. He made his bed, now he has to lie in it. Your child needs the best life you can give him/her, and finances will be a part of that.

I don't think you should focus on #2. Just go forward.

July 15, 2013

DONT U WORRY! WE ARE HERE FOR U!

Everyone makes mistakes my love. Don't u worry.

Now I need you to take out a sheet of paper and start writing down details of things that you remember.

Restaurants... wifes name... first and last name.... job description... ect... after you do this... you will need to tell his wife. I know I know but she deserves to know.

you can never make him be a father to your baby... but you CAN hold him accountable and make him be responsible financially.

After you tell his wife... consult a lawyer of what are your options for child support and primary custody.

July 15, 2013

Contact him at home. You owe this liar nothing.

His wife deserves to know, and your child deserves to be financially supported.

I would contact an attorney A.S.A.P.

Like times a million!

July 15, 2013

First and foremost, get and seek appropriate care for you and your baby. If you do not have someone close to you that can be a delivery coach, look into getting a doula. That's someone focused entirely on you during delivery.

Then, find someone you can share your whole story with. Isolation is defeating and people can make some very bad decisions when isolated. You need love and support. Those who truly love you will provide them.

Finally, and I cannot emphasize this enough and people who know me would be smiling right now, get a darned good lawyer. Sue him for support and make sure you do it with an attorney who, once you want to back down, won't let you do it. This is a fight for your child - his or her rights. I don't care if his life gets blown apart by this lawsuit, babies come first and you want someone who will fight for you and with you even when you don't want to.

Hugs and remember, babies truly are miracles and this one will bring you a lifetime of joy.

GG

July 15, 2013

Sorry to hear you're going through this. My aunt had a one-nighter and when she got pregnant, she was pretty much alone the entire 9 months. She also had bi-polar manic depression, so it was a very difficult situation. However, despite the father initially not wanting anything to do with his kid...he ended up being the sole provider and caretaker later on. Your MM may change his mind later on about whether or not to remain in his child's life. Allow him that because the child does deserve to know his father. Right now though, you will need to take him to court for child support for starters...see what goes from there.

July 16, 2013

I think it's important for all single mothers to remember that filing for child support is the right and responsible thing to do. It isn't for you. It's for your baby. Planning for the future, parenting, it's what you have to do.

July 16, 2013

1) Take care of yourself. #1 priority
2) Accept that you did something wrong by not leaving him when you found out, but you're finally out of the woods and can now move on with this ******* out of your life. Everyone makes mistakes. You're only human. Important thing is to learn from it.
3) Sue him for child support. No sympathy for him. He made his bed, now he has to lie in it. Your child needs the best life you can give him/her, and finances will be a part of that.

Thank you. When I had spoken to certain people about it early on, they made it as if it was all my fault, because I didnt break it off with him when I found out he was married. I did, stop contact with him, but he showed up one night on my doorstep and I fell into it again. I told those people that I admit my fault in this. Im dealing with it everyday and will continue to have to deal with it for the rest of my life. Like you said, Im only human, I fell in love with the wrong man. It was a huge mistake. Thank you.

July 16, 2013

Thanks, to everyone that responded.

I will be filing for Child Support as soon as my baby is here. I've already checked into the process. He hasnt done anything for me or her. He's never even asked me how I was doing and it really hurts. I cant believe he's doing that to us. I could see if it was really a one time thing and I got pregnant but this was someone I had been seeing for almost 2 years. I used to sike myself up to believe that maybe he didnt love his wife, because I was so in love with him, but maybe he does that's why he's dropped me and the baby like a hotcake. It hurts tremendously but I love my baby girl so much and I've been blessed so much throughout this pregnancy that I couldnt imagine it being anything different. I know in due time that he will pay for doing us like this. All I can do is focus on me and the baby and hope for safe delivery.

July 16, 2013

Thank you. When I had spoken to certain people about it early on, they made it as if it was all my fault, because I didnt break it off with him when I found out he was married. I did, stop contact with him, but he showed up one night on my doorstep and I fell into it again. I told those people that I admit my fault in this. Im dealing with it everyday and will continue to have to deal with it for the rest of my life. Like you said, Im only human, I fell in love with the wrong man. It was a huge mistake. Thank you.

Exactly the same thing as me. My xMM said he was single when we met. I know now that at the time he was not single, but they were not completely together - they seem to have a very very strange relationship.

We spent so much time together at the beginning and it was completely amazing - I fell head over heels in love and felt I had found my soulmate - from what I have found out she was living most of the time at her parents down the road with their 3 year old, but they were still very much connected.

2 months down the line he came to me in tears. Said she was pregnant. Said it was about 2 weeks before we met - that had been when they had split he then claimed. He said though that we would work through this - I was amazing, the woman of his dreams and he wanted to make sure we stayed together, that it had been a huge mistake to sleep with her.

I was so stupid! i believed it all....6 months down the line he started behaving like a ****. I then kicked him out and went NC a week. He then contacted me and so was nice, apologetic, said he was a ****, his wife had moved back in and he had been completely unfair to me and i deserved to know what was happening.

I was very upset......of course. We met about a week later, he still had stuff at my house and we had done some work together...of course we got a bit drunk and ended up sleeping together and then it was fully back on.

So yes I was duped at first - but by the time I found out the truth my feelings were well and truly invested in the whole thing. I was naive - I know - I had never experienced something like this or knew someone who had.

Then as time progressed I realised the baby had not been born. Ended up she got pregnant about a month after we met. Did I leave? Nope.

I have only finally done it. The baby is now 6 months old and he hardly has any time spare. He says to me not to think of him living with his wife, but with his kids. But at that age he has to be home most of the time to help, wit a 5 year old as well

It is all so ****ed up. His wife knows about me and turns a blind eye - I mean he stays at my house 1-2 times a week! I feel sorry for those kids as when he talks on the phone to her he treats her like **** - and i truly do not believe that is the right environment for kids to grow up in.

but that is their choice.....I can and will get away from it all - the feelings of guilt and shame I am a OW. Something I never never knew i would become when i first met him...

July 16, 2013

I also wanted to mention that I spoke with his mom about 3 weeks ago. I called her because I felt like I had no other choice and maybe that would get him involved if his family knew, but still nothing. His mom told me to call her when I go into labor but I havent heard anything else from her. She also asked about his wedding ring. I told her he never wore it around me and he didnt. She said I've never seen him w/o his ring, almost as if I was lying. I told her I had been to his house and she said his wife has pictures everywhere of them I told her I didnt see them and she said he couldnt have taken them down as if I was lying again. Like I said, she told me to call her but since I havent heard anything else from her or him I dont know if that's a good idea. What should I do?

I would think that she would atleast want to meet her grandchild's mother before delivery day so that the occassion wouldnt be so awkward.

July 18, 2013

Bumping for more responses

July 18, 2013

My exMM reacted terribly to the news of my pregnancy and chickened out completely. Everything was perfect between us before that, but suddenly the situation was real and serious and he couldn't deal with that.

My daughter is 2 and a half. She's beautiful, smart, stubborn and amazing in every way. You will build a life for yourself and your daughter. And he'll miss out on it. Just recently, as exMM met our daughter for the first time, I managed to see that the two of us share memories and moments that he will never be able to be a part of and that's his greatest loss.

I'm glad you decided to take legal action. I find, personally, that it wasn't for my situation.

July 18, 2013

I see people telling you to sue for Child Support. Do that if you really, really need it.

But here's another way of looking at it. The baby is yours. It will be you and her for the rest of your life. Her father wants nothing to do with her. Her grandmother could care less. The problem with having a child is that it ties you to the father/mother permanently and sometimes depending on what type of person it is, you just don't need that crap.

If you know you can afford to look after your daughter yourself, if you know you don't really need the child support and the attendant problems collecting it every month, here's what you do. Get your lawyer to contact him and have him sign away his paternal rights. It is actually doable and would free you from any future surprises. For example, you meet someone else who accepts your daughter as his and after years of stability, this creep or his family crawls out of the wood works looking for "their" child.

Whatever you choose to do, make sure there is a legal agreement. Child support or signing away of paternity and responsibility. Your daughter will understand eventually whichever option you choose. If he refuses to sign away his rights, then sue for child support. Either way, this man needs to legally acknowledge the existence of that child.

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Left Alone and Pregnant

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