MissingHerBad Posted October 23, 2004 Posted October 23, 2004 I am 22 years old and recently broke up with my girlfriend of 19, 20 in November. It has been 3 weeks now since we broke up our relationship of 1.5 years. As many people here we to quickly fell in love. Unfortuanately she was very jealous with my time and we did suffer a number of fights. This girl did everything for me and loved me deeply as did I. I am a popular DJ and she cant stand that I am in the clubs all the time. What I didnt know is that she would cry all the time because she felt like she was reaching out to me and I wasnt there for her. When I look back at it now, I did make some mistakes. One day we were supposed to go out for dinner and she came home from work and said she was tired and didnt want to go out then she said she didnt like were our relationship was anymore and dumped me the next day. She calls me from time to time upset and sends me text messages. I call her maybe every second day and have an unfortuanate way of crying ever time. I miss and love this girl so much and I have told her that I am willing to do anything including quite being a DJ. I have also reassured her that I am teribly guilty and sorry for the damage I have caused her emotionally. She now has all these new friends and says that she has them so that she can get over me and take her mind of it. Last night she asked if I thought I could fix things and I said lots of them. All I want is just one more chance. I feel like she really wants to give it to me and I know she misses me. I know I could relly make her happy. I have got her flowers sent her cards emailed her poems. All I want is another chance but I cant help but wonder if I should give it up. She is very strong right now and unforgiving always telling me that I need to do what I do but then I know she still has feelings. Should I admit defeat...Is she just saying these things cause she feels bad or is she playing with my head. This is truly breaking my heart and yesterday she asked if it was normal to feel pain for this long and I said not this intensly...What should I do...This is my last resort. I will do anything but time is ticking and it just doesnt seem very good. She still tells me she crys and when I sent her the card she cried over that to. I really dont want to give her up. She is very outgoing, complicated and loves like spur of the moment things...Is there anything I can do?
bluechocolate Posted October 23, 2004 Posted October 23, 2004 You talk every other day, send text messages, emails, cards - you two do not sound like a couple who have broken up. she asked if it was normal to feel pain for this long How long? You broke up 3 weeks ago! When it comes to affairs of the heart that is not a long time by any stretch of the imagination. I am a popular DJ and she cant stand that I am in the clubs all the time. Isn't that what DJ's do? Work in clubs? It's hard to imagine how she lasted 1.5 years if she couldn't stand it. And you shouldn't quit - not if it is what you really like & want to do. Trust me. It may win her back but eventually you'll grow to resent her for it. And if she loved you she wouldn't want you to quit either. Is there anything I can do? She knows that you want a second chance, right? Then you're just going to have to leave it up to her to decide. In the meantime you should try to lay off the contact. Tell her how you feel & then leave her alone for a while to come to a decision.
I agree... Posted October 23, 2004 Posted October 23, 2004 She does know that you are game to get together again... so it would likelt benefit you r the best in the LONG TERM to just not call or contact her at all... it will either firm up her decision about the relationship or else it could be the fire under her butt to work out what she needs to work out. One thing that I would do is work on some relationship skills yourself so that regardless of any decision you are better prepared to heal and re-enter the race. We all have things that we can do to grow further in this regard. Regardless, hang in there, take a deep breath and don't do anything rash. Here is hoping that you have resolve come your way. Chico
chicothechimp Posted October 23, 2004 Posted October 23, 2004 She does know that you are game to get together again... so it would likelt benefit you the best in the LONG TERM to just not call or contact her at all... it will either firm up her decision about the relationship or else it could be the fire under her butt to work out what she needs to work out. One thing that I would do is work on some relationship skills yourself so that regardless of any decision you are better prepared to heal and re-enter the race. We all have things that we can do to grow further in this regard. Regardless, hang in there, take a deep breath and don't do anything rash. Here is hoping that you have resolve come your way. Chico
Author MissingHerBad Posted October 24, 2004 Author Posted October 24, 2004 First off thatnks for the good advice. Next maybe someone can analyze this update. My ex gf has been talking to me on msn. I notice her making cheap shots at me to make me feel bad. Little one, very suddle. Finally I just called her mean and then she started going off about how Im reading to into things. Im not an idiot! She also sai that it is what it is. So I said listen you have your new friends your new lifestyle and no where does it include me, you dont have to talk to me if you dont want to. Then she said Im oversensitive and that she has to go we can talk about it later if I want so I said bye and she logged off. Whats up, she has all these feelings, keeps talking to me but sais it is what it is. Should I start ignoring?
bluechocolate Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 I wouldn't let a girlfriend, boyfriend or friend take cheap shots at me - never mind an ex !! Stop talking to her.
Author MissingHerBad Posted October 24, 2004 Author Posted October 24, 2004 I guess it really is what it is. What it is now is that she is playing with my head. As much as it hurts I know I need to move on but I just dont want to lose her. Shes so !@#$%^& complicating!
Sukotto Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 Get rid of her now and focus on self improvement, as long as you keep yourself occupied then things will seem better. In time she'll start contacting you to see how your doing, dont give in and do anything you've done before. Be strong and just talk to her like you would a friend. As soon as she tries to have a cheap dig at you then ignore it and dont get into an argument. Her aim is to probably get you annoyed or upset so she can have a little power trip. The satisfaction of knowing that she could get back to you if the need arised.
Author MissingHerBad Posted October 27, 2004 Author Posted October 27, 2004 So I did get rid of her politely let her know that I was there for her if she ever needed. I sent her an email after a breif phone call and have not heard from her in 3 days in any way whatsoever. Its extremely hard for me and I miss her very much. Would it be an intelligent move to send her roses after a full week of not talking, maybe just letting her know that I still think about her? I really want her to know but am I just setting myself up or is this something she will really appreciate and maybe strike a nerve.
chicothechimp Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 I would suggesti giving it 2 weeks... there is a tremendous amount of 'soul sifting' that can go on in that time frame... roses strikes me as wayyyyyyyy too strong too soon again... a simple card with a simple message would likely be fine after a couple of weeks... she likely thinks of you quite often, too... but it would be extra-wise not to rush into things again... give it a couple of weeks. It will seem like torture but you will thank me if you can do it! Chico
Author MissingHerBad Posted October 27, 2004 Author Posted October 27, 2004 I just dont want her to forget so fast. I know ddeep down she isnt but I know she is hanging out with alot of guys and going out alot to her friends place and stuff. She seeems very resentful and I just dont want to leave alone for to long but I know she probably needs time...if thats what you think...
chicothechimp Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 wait it out, dude. she won't be forgetting you anytime soon. but you also have to show her that you aren't desperate or needy either. she may simply be trying to fill up her time (as I have done since my GF broke up with me almost 2 months back). things to get better, bro... but sometimes they get heavier before they get healthier. do hangin there and wait it out if you agree that that is the best thing. there is no way she is going to simply forget you exist! Chico
Sukotto Posted October 27, 2004 Posted October 27, 2004 I sent my ex 2 white roses in the same day, she appreciated them but it didn't do anything. That was over a week ago now. I would save your money and just send her a letter asking how things are going and talk about what you've been up to so that she can see that you've been busy. I'd try and not be sentimental like "I've been going to X more often, remember we use to hang there alot?". You obviously still have lots of free time, get out and meet some people! Pubs, clubs and coffee houses are a great place to start talking to people randomly.
Panther Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 MISSINGHERBAD.. do not quit your job to placate your Ex. She knew what she was getting into when she met you. If there were things you did wrong on the personal level, you can change those, but do not change your career to make her happy. I also work at a Nightclub as a DJ, as well as own a Mobile DJ Business and work as a DJ at a popular radio station here in town. Just give her the space she needs and take the space YOU need to work through all this. Take it from experience. She knows you want her back. DO NOT SEND HER ANY MORE GIFTS, FLOWERS, NOTES, ETC. Just let it be for a while. All you will be doing is wasting your time and money on someone who is confused. The time to send ROSES, FLOWERS, GIFTS, etc is when the relationship is going well, not when it has hit the toilet. All you wil be doing at this time is wasting your money. If she wants you back, she will call you. There is nothing you can do to change her mind. Just work on yourself for you, so you can be a better person for yourself and either for her again or the next woman you let in your heart. Good luck! Again, do not quit your Job, it would lead to resentment later on. ONly quit your job, when YOU are ready to make a change, not to make someone else happy.
chicothechimp Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Until she either "feels it in her heart" or else comes around to a different way of thinkig you really are wasting your money and best intentions with the gifts... NO GIFTS, DUDE... NO CONTACT... NO IM... give it a solid month. Do hang in there, man. Chico
Author MissingHerBad Posted October 29, 2004 Author Posted October 29, 2004 Sounds good. I have been extremely bussy the past few days. I saw lastnight she sent me a poem about how its hard getting on and that it is the best memories shes had. I know she is hurting, I think she is confused but I can't help but wonder if she has some mental trauma. Her dad has always been a cold CEO for a major television/media company and I cant help but wonder if he has damaged her brain cells. People have to work and I work way less then a CEO, if that wasnt enough for her then I think maybe she is crazy to think that other fellows are going to give her more. Should I write her back or let it sit for a few days? PS Thanks for all the advice guys!!!
Panther Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 LET IT SIT. DON'T BLAME DADDY. SHE IS AN ADULT CAPABLE OF MAKING HER OWN DECISIONS!!!
Author MissingHerBad Posted October 30, 2004 Author Posted October 30, 2004 Well, after a short email (the day before) in which she sent me the lyrics for an 80's song, she called me. I wasnt home but did try to return her call because I felt bad that she might be upset. She was not home. I have not talked to her now for almost a solid week and we have been broken up for about a month. Thismorning a returned her email. Kept it real breif (2 lines) just saying she can call if she needs to talk. Im gonna leave it at that and see what happens next...or should I do something else?
chicothechimp Posted October 31, 2004 Posted October 31, 2004 You are entending an invitation but are not coming across as anxious or needy by doing that . I truly hope that howver things turn for the long haul that you two can speak clearly, honestly, and do something focused and humble listening to each other. That was there is a better sense of what happened and why it happened. All the best to you. :-) Chico
Author MissingHerBad Posted November 1, 2004 Author Posted November 1, 2004 ok, I hope someone is out there. I feel like I am losing it again. K...so....last week on Thursday the ex wrote me an email of strictly some song lyrics(kinda sad about how people run in circles and the memories). I didnt do anything taken in your guys advice. The next day she called and I wasnt home. I felt bad in case she was upset so I returned the call only to her house not the cell. I also returned her emaily quickly because she wasnt home. Didnt talk to her until today which is monday. She was online he sparked some little talk except she seems to still be really resentful. I asked whats new? Everything...Hows life? Swell....How was your week? Peachy and so on. I was in a real hurry so I said that I was leaving to go out and she said bye.....it kinda worked me up that she was so passive so I said "that was breif...but...ok....lates"...while she was typing back I signed out. I came online while in school and she didnt try talk to me. I know it is MSN but I feel like I have taken a step back. It is quite obvious that she needed to talk last week. Its quite obvious that she is upset or still mad. Her MSN name said **** you and Your God. Do you think that she is really like this? A bitch in disguiss or is she still trying to make me suffer. I really want to talk to her. Im strong now, you guys have helped me tons and as of today it is one week that I havent talked to her voice to voice just the one msn convo thismoring. It just still kinda hurts when she is like that. To the point where I want to say "Is it ok if we see other people now"....Is that immature and rude. What is her deal. She still obviously has feelings why is she trying to make them so bad. The lyrics she sent me have a verse that say" I find it kinda funny I find it kind of sad but the memories in which Im dying are the best Ive ever had. What The !@#$ is she doing. Should I just dismiss everything and continue with no contact. It has now been 1 month and I still think about it everyday as Im sure she has. Does this sound over or does it sound like someone young who isnt quite sure what to do. What do I do .....
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