Eggplant Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 One approach would be to reassure her that you're willing to take things at her pace. That you care about her and her well-being. That's assuming you really like her. She's clearly got some "things." Who doesn't? You want to watch for red flags, but not every quirk need be a deal-breaker either. It's really up to you. How willing are you to continue to see her. How much do you want her?
Author Biscuit80 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 One approach would be to reassure her that you're willing to take things at her pace. That you care about her and her well-being. That's assuming you really like her. She's clearly got some "things." Who doesn't? You want to watch for red flags, but not every quirk need be a deal-breaker either. It's really up to you. How willing are you to continue to see her. How much do you want her? I did that just this morning. I told her that I want her to be happy and I respect that she wants to slow things down. I said that I was happy to do that. I told her that I cared about her deeply. I do really like her. I've had several relationships, but this has been the best so far. TBH, I can't go on like this for too much longer. I need to know what's caused this to happen. There's something she's not telling me, I swear. If she'd open up I 'd be able to help her. I really, really want to help her.
nescafe1982 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I wouldn't suggest a break, unless you want to break up. IF she's having intimacy issues she will understand "a break" as "I don't want to see you anymore." So unless that's what you want, I wouldn't go that way. On Thursday, cook dinner together. After she's eaten, try gently bringing it up as you clean up (don't do it when you're face-to-face at the table, ut on your feet, cleaning up, both of you). Tell her you want to be open with each other, etc. If that doesn't get her talking, I don't know how much more you can do after that. She has to be willing to talk to you in order to have an intimate relationship; you can make it as easy as possible, but in the end, she's going to have to jump that hurdle.
Author Biscuit80 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 I wouldn't suggest a break, unless you want to break up. IF she's having intimacy issues she will understand "a break" as "I don't want to see you anymore." So unless that's what you want, I wouldn't go that way. On Thursday, cook dinner together. After she's eaten, try gently bringing it up as you clean up (don't do it when you're face-to-face at the table, ut on your feet, cleaning up, both of you). Tell her you want to be open with each other, etc. If that doesn't get her talking, I don't know how much more you can do after that. She has to be willing to talk to you in order to have an intimate relationship; you can make it as easy as possible, but in the end, she's going to have to jump that hurdle. I personally think that suggesting a break up would be terminal, and so this is my last resort. However, as you say, if she can't open up to me then what's the point anyway? The girl I've known SINCE the second day of the holiday is not the girl I knew BEFORE the holiday. They are incredibly different. Something's happened to cause this change. Whether it's realisation that she's let her life slip having been pleasantly distracted by me for a few months, I don't know.
Author Biscuit80 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Oh, BTW, I asked her if her life would be easier without me in it. She said "Yes, but that's not what she wanted." Bearing in mind that just before the holiday she said that I "made her life easier" and that she'd been "the happiest she'd ever been"... I'm very confused.
StayBeautiful Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 You say you don't understand how she can go from in love to not so suddenly, but I hate to tell you.... that's how it often is with short relationships. I've often had the same thing in my life, from both sides. The last person I broke up with, I felt a bit distant for a while, then I woke up one morning and it was just.... gone. From that point, I couldn't bear to even think about being with him. You don't always need to feel a bit distant first, the last guy who broke up with me said that he had been fine until a few days earlier, and then again... just gone, for no reason. It's why I never question why those short relationships end. I'd want to find out if it IS something about me, but when it genuinely isn't, I leave it. The heart wants what it wants, and sometimes - much as you want a reason - there simply isn't one.
sweetheart5381 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 The girl is scared ****less of being in love. Perhaps a fear of attachment. Being in love means she will have to become vulnerable to loss. Guaranteed she's been badly hurt before, but the good news is she hasn't bolted. She's dealing with it. It isn't manipulation, its self-preservation for her. I have encountered the same with my man. As soon as I realized I loved him I lost my mind for awhile. I was anxious, fearful, happy, sad and angry all at the same time. The fear of losing him was intense, it made me crazy. He had patience with me, and reassured me that he wanted to be with me. We got through it. She is just protecting herself, and the more you can keep your cool and understand the easier it will be to get through this part.
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