SJC2008 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 And I'm amazed how quickly one can judge. For some people, it easier to share their bodies than to open their hearts and let their feelings out. I have a real hard time talking about what I want/need/expect because I've been so hurt in the past that it's just easier to stay cool and emotionless. SO please don't judge based on what you believe. I've never been in a "relationship" like this, before him things always happened naturally and quickly so pretty much since I'm a teenager, this is the first time I'm actually engaged in something that can be called a "grown up dating" thing and I'm terrified to make the wrong move and say the wrong thing, because I've never had to overthink things before. It's not that you're being judged. Not asking is because of a fear of loss. A man/woman who has the same goal of a R wouldn't be afraid of a talk like that. Also, men (whatever percentage it is) know that many women are afraid to ask this sort of thing so they just get theirs without bringing anything up. I'm not saying that's what he's doing but we don't know.
clia Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 So I'm even more confused now... Just got back from a date with him, we went to dinner, then movies, cuddled the whole time and the went back to his place and stayed there for about an hour, we had sex of course and we were normal as always, but I was feeling weirdly uncomfortable and he didn't walk me to my car like he always does, instead we said goodbye at his doorstep and I left there feeling worse than even and more like a fwb. So so confused right now. Was it just because he didn't walk you to your car, or had your confused feelings started prior to that? Be careful about overthinking it. There could be a lot of reasons why he didn't walk you to your car that have nothing to do with how he views your relationship -- maybe he was just tired and spaced out, for example. But here you go again -- was there a reason why you needed to go back to his house to have sex with him after dinner and a move? It must've been late -- you could've just bowed out with an "I'm tired and have to work in the morning" type excuse. I really think you should try to not have sex with him every single time you see him. It sounds like things are going well in your relationship, and about on pace. Just try not to overthink it too much -- just go with the flow. I don't know if I mentioned that before but everytime we go out, I'd say 80% we split the bill (he knows I find it kinda offensive for him to pay for everything, but still). Does that mean "anything"? Why would you find it offensive, and how does he know? I personally don't think splitting the bill is remotely romantic or relationshippy. I split the bill with my friends -- we all throw in a card or a $20 and pay our share. With a boyfriend or date, it feels better (to me) to have one person pay -- be it the man or the woman. I have no issue with taking turns paying once a relationship gets moving along, but splitting the bill is yuck to me. Normally there might be some indication of his feelings if he was constantly expecting you to pay your share, but it's hard to say if he is only doing it because he thinks you want him to do it.
Author assiral Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 Was it just because he didn't walk you to your car, or had your confused feelings started prior to that? Be careful about overthinking it. There could be a lot of reasons why he didn't walk you to your car that have nothing to do with how he views your relationship -- maybe he was just tired and spaced out, for example. But here you go again -- was there a reason why you needed to go back to his house to have sex with him after dinner and a move? It must've been late -- you could've just bowed out with an "I'm tired and have to work in the morning" type excuse. I really think you should try to not have sex with him every single time you see him. It sounds like things are going well in your relationship, and about on pace. Just try not to overthink it too much -- just go with the flow. I don't know, I was feeling weird the whole time even though at the theater he was acting normal and cuddly and everything else. And I know he had an early meeting and he was tired, he even mentioned he couldn't stay up late (so I don't know how we ended up at his place). I did think it was better not to go BUT my feelings got the best of me. I regret going it though because it would be easier-better-lighter to finish the date after the movie. Why would you find it offensive, and how does he know? It's not that I find it offensive. Wrong choice of words. We started talking and playing about all those gender stereotypes and stuff and he knows I'm not one of those girls who will expect the guy to pay for everything. Normally there might be some indication of his feelings if he was constantly expecting you to pay your share, but it's hard to say if he is only doing it because he thinks you want him to do it. I always have my wallet ready and my card out when we get the bill
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