assiral Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 So I met a guy online, we talked for a week and a half, and then we finally met. 1st date: we met at starbucks, I was 40 min late because something came up, we had a great time talking and a great connection humor-wise, we went to the movie theater afterwards, shared our drinks and popcorn and stayed over an hour in my car talking until he finally kisses me. He played saying he would call me in exactly 72 hours - and he did, at the exact same time (1:02am) when he first told me that. 2nd date: 5 days after the first, we went mini golfing, we had dinner at a burger place and then after all we went back to his place to watch a movie. I met his roommate. We made out but no sex, we kept our clothes on. 3rd date: a week later, I was working late, he invited me to go to a pub with his friends and I ended up going at midnight, after work. Met his friends, he ended up coming back with me, we got food and went back to his place, and finally had sex (great, btw). 4th date: two days later, i was supposed to cook him dinner but i ended up doing something else and he also made other plans, but he came up to my place afterwards, he spent the night and we got breakfast the next morning. 5th date: three days later, i went to his place, he cooked me dinner, we watched a movie and it was great. we cuddled the whole time and shared ice cream. he got slightly disappointed when I said I couldn't sleep there. 6th date: 4 days later, he came over again and this time I cooked him dinner, he spent the night and the next morning (today) we went hiking. we took pictures together (he took tons of pictures of me on his phone) and we added each other on facebook. we went back to his place for a little bit before he went to work. we text pretty much every day, we talk on the phone as well at least twice a week. he make comments about something his friends said about me or something he told them about me. he shows me txts from his friends asking him if he's out with "his woman". i feel no desire to go out with other people anymore and even if I'm out with someone else, I wish I was with him. I don't wanna scare him having "the talk" or anything like that but I really want to be his gf what should I do?
Eggplant Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I don't wanna scare him having "the talk" or anything like that but I really want to be his gf what should I do? Nothing. Don't scare him by having the talk. You want him to bring it up. Don't worry too much -- just keep it light-hearted. If it works it works and if it doesn't it doesn't. No need to rush. 2
Pisces13 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Just talk to him about he, he seems pretty keen on you. I wouldn't do any of that stuff with a girl unless I thought she was girlfriend material. 1
tomtheman1234 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Wow that's a bit early to start having sex with each other. I normally wait sometime before a bit longer until I got to know her better. But that is just me. Just slow down a bit do not rush it.
SoulJazzBlues Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 No talk but I'd also recommend pulling away from only indoor/bedroom dates only. You got physical quite soon which isn't a problem but you are running the danger of only hanging around the house. Tis always makes it harder to figure out what his intentions really are. Meeting his friends isn't really proof that you are his girlfriend and 4 weeks is waaaaaay too soon to have a talk. Play it light hearted, have fun and dont get your heart wrapped up so early. 3
Author assiral Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 So the suggestion is to try having dates outdoors? Even though we do have lots of sex, we also do other things too, I'd say that sleeping together takes 40% of the time we spent together.
PCS991 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 So the suggestion is to try having dates outdoors? Even though we do have lots of sex, we also do other things too, I'd say that sleeping together takes 40% of the time we spent together. Wow!! Really? I'm waaay behind LOL
Author assiral Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Wow!! Really? I'm waaay behind LOL what's your opinion on that, as a guy?
RedRobin Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 If you are asking this question, you are probably already 'screwed'... um, literally and figuratively... Right now, I'd say get used to being the FWB at this point... cross your fingers that anything else will come of it... Sorry. I mean, if a relationship with someone is what you want... you don't start having sex until they show you that is what they are looking for... Otherwise, this is the boat you are in... having 'outdoor' dates, blah blah trying to get the other person to demonstrate their intentions. (shaking head)
clia Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 How old are you guys? Your relationship is moving really, really fast. That can be fine and it can work out, but you have to be careful because sometimes people get all caught up in the rush, and they are having a great time, and then BAM! Reality hits and they start to feel smothered and in too deep and like things went too fast. I think you should be mindful of this, and work on pacing things. I don't personally like the "come over and let me cook for you dates" to start happening so fast. To me, that is established couple type stuff. It also allows for lazy guys during the initial period of the relationship when everyone (including you!) should be on their best, most impressive behavior. Making plans, getting dressed nice, going out on the town...to me, those are the fun days when you first start dating someone. Not sitting around at home watching movies. But, now you've established a precedent for that kind of thing. Try to steer it back toward activities that don't revolve around cuddling on the couch and staying overnight. 4th date: two days later, i was supposed to cook him dinner but i ended up doing something else and he also made other plans, but he came up to my place afterwards, he spent the night and we got breakfast the next morning. I really think you should try to pull back from this kind of a date -- him just essentially coming over to spend the night. 5th date: three days later, i went to his place, he cooked me dinner, we watched a movie and it was great. we cuddled the whole time and shared ice cream. he got slightly disappointed when I said I couldn't sleep there. I think it's good that you didn't sleep there. Don't make sleeping over at each other's places a habit too soon. 6th date: 4 days later, he came over again and this time I cooked him dinner, he spent the night and the next morning (today) we went hiking. we took pictures together (he took tons of pictures of me on his phone) and we added each other on facebook. we went back to his place for a little bit before he went to work. Another home night. Your last three dates have been at home. Why aren't you guys going out for dinner? But that said, he seems into you, and things do seem to be progressing normally. The amount you've been seeing each other seems about right. Who is initiating the dates, him or you? At this point, just keep it light and fun and be patient. I think you should wait for him to bring up exclusivity and boyfriend/girlfriend. You can't assume it. 2
Author assiral Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 How old are you guys? He's 27, I'm 23. I don't personally like the "come over and let me cook for you dates" to start happening so fast. To me, that is established couple type stuff. It also allows for lazy guys during the initial period of the relationship when everyone (including you!) should be on their best, most impressive behavior. Making plans, getting dressed nice, going out on the town...to me, those are the fun days when you first start dating someone. Not sitting around at home watching movies. But, now you've established a precedent for that kind of thing. Try to steer it back toward activities that don't revolve around cuddling on the couch and staying overnight. Neither of us like to go out at night, we're the "nerdy" types that would rather stay home playing video games and such. And we're both picky with food, so cooking is easier. But that said, he seems into you, and things do seem to be progressing normally. The amount you've been seeing each other seems about right. Who is initiating the dates, him or you? At this point, just keep it light and fun and be patient. I think you should wait for him to bring up exclusivity and boyfriend/girlfriend. You can't assume it. He initiates most of the dates, usually I joke around and he makes the joke become a way of seeing me. When we took the pictures yesterday he said he won't put them on facebook until we change our status to "in a relationship with..." because otherwise that would scare me away (he said that in a joking way as well).
Treasa Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 He initiates most of the dates, usually I joke around and he makes the joke become a way of seeing me. When we took the pictures yesterday he said he won't put them on facebook until we change our status to "in a relationship with..." because otherwise that would scare me away (he said that in a joking way as well). And you should have said back, "Are we in a relationship? I'm only asking because you've had your dick inside me more than a dozen times." And then smile. Then again, I don't sleep with someone unless I can ask him/her a fairly simple question like this. But that's just me and how I work. I guess you could pitter-patter around the issue until you're thoroughly confused. In which case, leave it up to him I guess. I'm too straightforward for that. 1
Author assiral Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 If you are asking this question, you are probably already 'screwed'... um, literally and figuratively... Right now, I'd say get used to being the FWB at this point... cross your fingers that anything else will come of it... Sorry. I mean, if a relationship with someone is what you want... you don't start having sex until they show you that is what they are looking for... Otherwise, this is the boat you are in... having 'outdoor' dates, blah blah trying to get the other person to demonstrate their intentions. (shaking head) I have (or had, since I haven't done anything sexual with them since I started "dating" this guy) two FWB and the situation sounds way too different - they don't get out of their way to please me or make me feel like we're a couple at all, it's strictly sexual. With this guy it's way (waaay) more than just sexual, we have a very big connection and our intimacy level is bigger than just when we're in bed.
sweetheart5381 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 This doesn't seem like FWB to me either, been there done it. It sounds like he is really into you and you are both now doing a dance since neither of you mentioned the "status" before having sex. My bf and I agreed to be exclusive before we had sex. I didn't bring it up, he did. He showed me clearly that he wasn't just looking for sex, that he wanted a relationship with me. He was the nervous one at first, not sure if I wanted him to be my boyfriend. I assured him that I did want to be his girlfriend and want the relationship to be long-term. We are happily committed now and enjoy movies and cuddling Your man may be a little apprehensive to ask or presume as well, and if he has any doubts as to how you feel he may not come out directly until he is sure you feel the same. I would not ask him about the status, simply make it clear that you enjoy your time with him and that you always look forward to seeing him again. Let him make the choice to commit. It's a man thing 1
Adele0908 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 From what I can see, there doesn't seem to be a problem. You like him and you want to be more committed. So some questions you could ask him are: I like you and was wondering if you were seeing anyone else? What are you looking for right now? It's too early to impose commitment on him. Enjoy getting to know him and growing with him. From what you posted it seems like he likes you and he's taking you out with his friends. I think you just might be feeling some fear of him not being committed because you like him or have possibly been disappointed before. It looks like your relationship is heading in the direction that you want. Just be confident! 2
Author assiral Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 From what I can see, there doesn't seem to be a problem. You like him and you want to be more committed. So some questions you could ask him are: I like you and was wondering if you were seeing anyone else? What are you looking for right now? It's too early to impose commitment on him. Enjoy getting to know him and growing with him. From what you posted it seems like he likes you and he's taking you out with his friends. I think you just might be feeling some fear of him not being committed because you like him or have possibly been disappointed before. It looks like your relationship is heading in the direction that you want. Just be confident! Thanks! I know his friends are a big deal to him, as he mentioned before, and besides he's always telling me stories about "there was this one time where *friend 1* (Friend 1 being one of the ones I've met) and I were doing this and that..." - and always making sure to explain about the friends in the story I don't know yet. While scrolling through his facebook pictures while I was driving he was always explaining who else was in the picture with him (including family) so I feel I know a lot more about him than he does about me.
PCS991 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 what's your opinion on that, as a guy? Well....I mean, I'd personally love for a woman to openly show interest in me in the beginning stages so I have some idea that I'm not screwing up and at least moving in the right direction. But I believe you might be moving a wee bit too fast...maybe? We are talking about that fine line again regarding "how fast or slow do we act upon a situation"? and who's turn is it? His or yours... 1
Author assiral Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 Well....I mean, I'd personally love for a woman to openly show interest in me in the beginning stages so I have some idea that I'm not screwing up and at least moving in the right direction. But I believe you might be moving a wee bit too fast...maybe? We are talking about that fine line again regarding "how fast or slow do we act upon a situation"? and who's turn is it? His or yours... And how do you suggest slowing down? I'm really new at this whole relationship thing and my last relationship happened very fast so I have no idea about the ideal time frames and such
PCS991 Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 And how do you suggest slowing down? I'm really new at this whole relationship thing and my last relationship happened very fast so I have no idea about the ideal time frames and such Hi, I too have no idea about time frames and who does what..when. I've actually asked that same question. As for slowing down a little, I would just tell this guy flat out that you feel that you both jumped in a little too soon and that you feel like slowing it down a little. I'm not telling you to quit seeing him, just don't jump in the sack 40% of the time.....yet.
TheGuard13 Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 It's all well and good to have a conversation about it, but actions speak louder than words. You are his girlfriend when he starts treating you like his girlfriend.
Author assiral Posted July 17, 2013 Author Posted July 17, 2013 It's all well and good to have a conversation about it, but actions speak louder than words. You are his girlfriend when he starts treating you like his girlfriend. And by treating me like his girlfriend you mean...
TheGuard13 Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 Spending time with you, opening up to you, being intimate with you, physically and otherwise, including you in his plans, and if you want to be exclusive, committing to you.
Author assiral Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 So I'm even more confused now... Just got back from a date with him, we went to dinner, then movies, cuddled the whole time and the went back to his place and stayed there for about an hour, we had sex of course and we were normal as always, but I was feeling weirdly uncomfortable and he didn't walk me to my car like he always does, instead we said goodbye at his doorstep and I left there feeling worse than even and more like a fwb. So so confused right now. I don't know if I mentioned that before but everytime we go out, I'd say 80% we split the bill (he knows I find it kinda offensive for him to pay for everything, but still). Does that mean "anything"?
Author assiral Posted July 18, 2013 Author Posted July 18, 2013 It just sounds as though he's comfortable with having someone to date without any expense, have sex with, but not have to do anything more than that. Look, if you can't talk to a guy about something as personal and intimate as where your relationship is going, then you shouldn't be having sex with him. I'm always amazed at how easily people will share their bodies with someone else, yet they'll claim that talking about their relationship status is just too "taboo." Seriously, WTF? And I'm amazed how quickly one can judge. For some people, it easier to share their bodies than to open their hearts and let their feelings out. I have a real hard time talking about what I want/need/expect because I've been so hurt in the past that it's just easier to stay cool and emotionless. SO please don't judge based on what you believe. I've never been in a "relationship" like this, before him things always happened naturally and quickly so pretty much since I'm a teenager, this is the first time I'm actually engaged in something that can be called a "grown up dating" thing and I'm terrified to make the wrong move and say the wrong thing, because I've never had to overthink things before.
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