a day at the park

[supaflyz]

I usually go to the park now after the break up with my girlfriend. I just go there to get out of the house and just to see people. It's the same park where we broke up on that spring evening. It brought a lot of memories back the first few days I walk there, but it got better. For some reason today I felt really sad and just sat on the same park bench that we had the talk. I guess it's because of the slight drizzle and gray sky that made it a depressing mood. It's almost 3 months now. As I sit there I can't help but notice other couples there. A guy and his gf on the swings. An older couple in their 60's still holding each other hands and walking. The little kids softball team having fun swinging away at the ball. The family that is barbecuing and having a party. I sat on the bench alone just looking around. Even the people that were walking a lone look like he/she was having fun. It made it much more depressing. If you saw the movie Terminator 2 where John Connor mom was sitting on the bench and everything around her was dying then that is how I felt lol.

 

Then I just walk around humming "killing me softly", close to you and yesterday once more by The Carpenters. I'm thinking to myself she is lying on her new boyfriend head now in bed. She is out having fun. I don't know if she got a job as a nurse yet or pass her board exam. I really have no motivation since she left. We use to do everything together in school and after.

 

I put on a show as if I didn’t care.

But deep down this pain is so hard to bare.

Now I’m just living through despair.

I lost a lover, a friend, my dignity, my ego, my time, my heart.

I never regret my decision to be with you even though we are now apart.

I used to pray and pick you up when you were down.

When I needed you the most you left me to drown.

I can’t forget that evening as I seen your face as you were crying and leaving.

I guess that is just the way the story goes.

I’m dying inside but nobody knows.

I’m uncertain if this pain will ever end.

Just never thought that my heart won’t mend.

Never could imagine that it would end this way.

To tell you the truth, I still think of you every day.

I don’t know how someone that I love so much and care for could make me feel this way now.

All I know is that I have to get rid of all the memories somehow.

I’m left here to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.

Oh how quick things fell all a part.

I have to move on because there is only one life to live.

I have to learn about myself and about this life.

You have no more love to give.

I wanted to live this life with you.

There’s probably no chance for it now that we’re through.

You are the only one who really knew me at all.

You didn’t care to look back and watch me fall.

I use to be so happy to see you or talk to you on the phone.

Now the thoughts and feeling are just about gone.

We used to share the love, happiness, secrets, and even tears.

You don’t know how much I miss you my dear.

I never meant to cause you all that pain.

But I guess I did it again.

[Paddes16]

You're doing it wrong. I can imagine how hard your situation is at the moment, even if I'm probably younger than you are. But you should really try to get sidetracked and not go to places you have memories of your girlfriend with. That's exactly something you should not do. Go to a different park, talk to some people, get sidetracked. Do something, but don't float around in your memories, and don't even start to imagine what your girlfriend might be doing now (e.g. laying on the bed of her new boyfriend). This is going to kill you.

[supaflyz]

I'm pretty much over her. I actually don't even think of her when I go to this park anymore. TOday I was just feeling really lonely so I decided to go to the park for a walk. It is close to my house. All the other parks are at least 20 minutes away and it was getting kind of dark. I guess it was just the drizzling rain and the gray sky that made me feel so bad.

[Paddes16]

I'm pretty much over her. I actually don't even think of her when I go to this park anymore. TOday I was just feeling really lonely so I decided to go to the park for a walk. It is close to my house. All the other parks are at least 20 minutes away and it was getting kind of dark. I guess it was just the drizzling rain and the gray sky that made me feel so bad.

 

Well then I'd say keep doing what you're doing and don't give in. Stay strong.

[AllTooWell]

You're doing it wrong. I can imagine how hard your situation is at the moment, even if I'm probably younger than you are. But you should really try to get sidetracked and not go to places you have memories of your girlfriend with. That's exactly something you should not do. Go to a different park, talk to some people, get sidetracked. Do something, but don't float around in your memories, and don't even start to imagine what your girlfriend might be doing now (e.g. laying on the bed of her new boyfriend). This is going to kill you.

 

 

I don't think this is necessarily true. Me and my boyfriend used to always go to one theatre in our town (every Tuesday. For over a year. lol) And I was absolutely terrified to go there after we broke up. But I did. You can't let fear of something control you. It's good that he took back the park.

 

You're right about floating in the memories, though, but even then, it happens to us all in our weak moments Stay strong supaflyz We all have those weak days.

[supaflyz]

I had a good day today. Talk to some of my friends, and even met some new people. I was cleaning my car after my brother fixed my car. I found an old necklace of my ex which she dropped in my car when we first dated. I put it in the glove compartment. I thought I had given it back. What really surprise me was the printed copy of her address on google map. I didn't had a gps at the time so I just look up her address on google map and printed out to get to her house for our 2nd date. I didn't want to be late that is why I printed out a copy lol. It brought back so much memories. I remember everything we did on that 2nd date. I even went to the mall before the date to buy a nice shirt. I work so hard to pursue her. She was so happy to talk and see me then. I don't really feel sad though. It just made me smile thinking back. Our very 2nd date... I thought I threw that piece of paper long ago. I didn't even think about her all day until then...