After 8 years she says she isn't in love with me anymore.

[eperkola]

Well thats it. She admitted last night to ****ing and dating this guy. I know him he is a family.friend. got nothing at this point. I am broken.

[LisaLee]

None of that is proof of an affair though.

Oh yes it is!! I am telling you, someone who is married for 8+ years with kids under 10 does not so willingly give up on a marriage just because she feels she has fallen out of love.... and then offer their spouse to see someone else?? That is total "I Am Having Sex with Someone Else" guilt.

 

I don't think it's wise to assume she is cheating at this point.

I think encouraging someone to walk with blinders on is counter productive. Especially when the situation is screaming AFFAIR. Like I said, if she had addressed these things to the OP and said: "I think we need to go to counseling, I want to fix this" I wouldn't assume so quickly there is another guy. Instead, she told him how she felt, told him there is no hope, and said it was ok for him to see someone else. This is so by the book of the Cheaters Manual it hurts and is very, very blatant.

 

 

EDIT: I am so sorry. I just saw this:

 

Well thats it. She admitted last night to ****ing and dating this guy. I know him he is a family.friend. got nothing at this point. I am broken.

 

I am so sorry. I know the writing was on the wall, but I would rather have been wrong than right. I know you are broken and you are hurt. But now you have to do what is right for you and your children at this point. Is this guy married? If he is I would strongly encourage you to tell his wife or SO.

Edited July 16, 2013 by LisaLee

[worldgonewrong]

Women with minor children seldom check out of marriages unless/

 

1. Substance abuse by either party.

2. Physical abuse

3.Emotional abuse,,this includes emotional abdonment..ie too much xbox...too many poker nights with buddies.

4. Third party involvement.

 

 

Pick your poison.

 

Or 5. the woman is bananas.

[worldgonewrong]

Sex tapered off about two months ago. About the time frame that she explained she stopped loving me. She suggested now that i find a girlfriend because she isn't feeling sexual and she knows what my sexual appetite is. It immediately made me think of extramarital activity on her part but she insists there isnt. ( yeah right). But on a good note today is a good day.

 

My ex-wife spilled a similar line, "Maybe you should find someone else..."

 

What I didn't realize was that is was code for: "I've found someone else, and I want to alleviate my guilt if you find someone else."

[oldshirt]

Well thats it. She admitted last night to ****ing and dating this guy. I know him he is a family.friend. got nothing at this point. I am broken.

 

Very sorry to hear that but I doubt if anyone (except you of course :-( is very suprised. Please start a new thread in the infidelity section and hopefully we can help salvage some of your sanity.

[dichotomy]

Well thats it. She admitted last night to ****ing and dating this guy. I know him he is a family.friend. got nothing at this point. I am broken.

 

 

So very sorry. Been there.

 

Please dont grovel or beg her for anything. Be strong, be mad, man up, take no excuse or bs. Please no "i love you and forgive you...please come back!"... if your going to say anything it should be "Its over unless you are able to convince me otherwise"

 

Talk to a laywer.

 

Years from now you will focus more on how you acted with her right now, then what she did to you. You can only control you at this point.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Well thats it. She admitted last night to ****ing and dating this guy. I know him he is a family.friend. got nothing at this point. I am broken.

 

So sorry Eperkola, we don't want to be right, so very sorry. This is terrible for you and your children.

 

Please let us know if we can help you.

 

Make sure you are taking care of yourself, eating and drinking.

 

First, you need to see a lawyer and protect yourself.

 

You need to get a therapist to help you manage through this.

 

Get yourself tested for STDs

 

Is the OM married? Have you contacted his BS?

 

Let us know how you are doing.

[TaraMaiden]

Deleted post

Edited July 17, 2013 by TaraMaiden
update from OP.

[Nyla]

This is the number one thing that will probably keep me from getting married. Women are emotion driven and need to "feel" it. Once they don't it's over. Marriage isn't for most people because they don't go into it consciously expecting pitfalls. People are human an it is likely that you will develop a crush on soneone even though you're married. How are they going to handle that? There are obviously tons of other scenarios but I think I made my point.

 

OP: Did the sex taper off before she broke the news? How long ago did it slow down/stop? Reaentment is one of the greatest sex drive killers so yall nees to dig deep to find out what the problem is. TBS her don't get your hopes up comment tells me the nail is pretty much in the coffin:(

 

I don't agree with this. While I am very emotional, I have stayed with my husband whether I was "feeling it" or not. We have been through financial difficulties, unemployment, harassment from racist neighbours and in-law problems. We knew that marriage would not always be easy when we got into it.

 

If you want to try to work through this, I would suggest marriage counseling and full disclosure from your wife.

[SJC2008]

I don't agree with this. While I am very emotional, I have stayed with my husband whether I was "feeling it" or not. We have been through financial difficulties, unemployment, harassment from racist neighbours and in-law problems. We knew that marriage would not always be easy when we got into it.

 

OP I'm sorry to hear the news:(

 

I'm glad you don't agree with me that means there's hope. Most people don't consciously enter marriage.

[eperkola]

I was dealing so well for two days. Accepting the upcoming change. I felt bright about the future. I asked her to please respect me and dont see him until we r completed with divorce or i am out of house and definitely not around kids. She has as of today gone against it twice including in front of the children. The kids are asking if i know who corey is cause he is funny. I am again shattered. Keeping smiles for kids but inside i have nothing left . She keeps taking and breaking deeper and deeper. Please help with advise and words of wisdom i dont have much left.....

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I was dealing so well for two days. Accepting the upcoming change. I felt bright about the future. I asked her to please respect me and dont see him until we r completed with divorce or i am out of house and definitely not around kids. She has as of today gone against it twice including in front of the children. The kids are asking if i know who corey is cause he is funny. I am again shattered. Keeping smiles for kids but inside i have nothing left . She keeps taking and breaking deeper and deeper. Please help with advise and words of wisdom i dont have much left.....

 

So sorry to hear that your wife is rubbing your face in it.

 

Is the OM married? If yes, you must tell his wife.

 

How old are your children? Depending on their ages, it may be appropriate for you to take different actions. Perhaps they should be in therapy. Do they know you are divorcing?

 

Have you been to a lawyer yet?

 

You need to read up on the 180, it will help you get some distance to handle this difficult time. Someone will post a link.

[marqueemoon4]

Wow. I'm sorry man. Just remember you're the better person and SHE is the one at fault. And keep being a great father to your children, they're gonna need your support.

[karnak]

Please, give us more info concerning your marriage.

 

It will help us know more about your marriage dynamics and it will also help you put some things in perspective.

 

Looking back, you'll probably see things and patterns you had never noticed before.