Southern Cal Dude Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 -At the mall, walking down the wing to Macy's. Girl is looking at me, walks right into a beam. -Working the bar one Saturday, woman wants a refill on her Sex on the Beach. About 6 feet before the table, trips on her heels and falls flat on her face. Yes, she was sober. -Girl just turned 21 not even a month prior. Comes in with her mom. Turns out the girl's name is also Jamie. Her mom mentions that I'm the only male Jamie she's ever met. She asks if my real name is James, I say yes. Turns out her ex-husband was a Jim. Daughter goes to the bathroom, mom says to me "The guys I've been with have all been James. Guess who got laid? -Girl in the bar is drunk as hell. Legally, I can't serve her at that point since I'm held accountable if anything happens to her. I tell her this when she wants another shot and flips. I call the bouncer over to have her removed. Bouncer is the same height as me and around 280 and all muscle. She turns around and runs full speed into him. He's 6'4" 280, she was around 5'4" and like 120. Bounced off him and fell like 10 feet backwards. Funny stuff happens when there's alcohol present. List your funny stories.
todreaminblue Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 1. was all dressed up fro a night out stockings, stiletttos .......going up an escalator my heel got caught in the grate..........instead of taking my foot out of the shoe i tried to just wiggle the heel loose..was more worried about losing the heel....forgot that i was basically on a moving escalator and all escalators come to an end...so did i flat on my face at the top of the escalator with a full line of people behind me.....so caused a pile up at the top of the esacalator 2.daydreaming tripped over a person who was having a heart attack....thought he was a drunk....... 3....run into a traffic light...watching other people and not where i was going.... 3.walked into telegraph poles.....not just once..... 4. run a little cute orange vw car off a cow bridge when some poor soul tried to teach me to drive......
bubbaganoosh Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I was dating a girl for a while and thing got to a point where we were going to have sex that night. So on the way home I stopped at the pharmacy, strolled down the aisle to where the condoms, at the end of the aisle where the pharmacist is and standing in front of the condom rack were three old ladies and a nun. I was trying to sneak a hand behind them to grab a box of condoms but they could see me and I kind of felt funny about it with a nun there. The pharmacist saw me and called the ladies over and I just reached for a box of three and made my way to the check out. When I got there, the lady asked if there was anything else and I said no, so she scanned the condoms and nothing. Did it again, and again, and again. Finally she said she'll punch in the numbers and she wasn't wearing her glasses so she was holding them way out in front of her and just then the three old ladies were behind me watching the whole thing. Finally the lady got it right and I handed her the money and she's staring at me. I waved the money in front of her and she gave me back my change and was still looking at me. I thought my zipper was down so I checked and I was zipped. When she handed me my bag, she kept looking at me and watched me as I let the store. I thought "crazy lady" and went home. Got a shower and was ready to go so I grabbed a condom out of the box and noticed that something wasn't right. I'm looking at the outline of the condom in the foil and it hit me as to why the lady was staring at me. These were those "Hubba hubba" condoms that were for really well endowed men. I opened it up and thought that they could be used for support stockings for those old people with bad circulation. Finally I left the house and stopped at a convenience store, went in the mens room, put three quarters in the machine and got a condom. Went to her house, out to dinner, came back and soon after we got down to brass tacks. That is until I had to put the condom on. No kidding. It was a glow in the dark green condom. Looked like those glow in the dark green lights kids use on Halloween night. We had a good laugh about it and I told her about the episode at the drug store. She felt like she was screwing a martian. I tried not to look and did the best that I could. 2
MrTurk Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I have a condom story too.... With my size I need magnum condoms...I hadnt bought any in years, never needed them when I was married. Bought some a short time after my divorce just in case. In line at the store...I toss the condoms on the counter for the lady to ring me out. Of course its a big thick black woman at least 5'10...probably around 40 or so. I'm white and 5'8. She doesnt say anything, but as shes ringing up my other items, she picks up the condom pack, (after she already rang them up) looks at them again, looks at me, looks at the condoms again...then bags everything up
HokeyReligions Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Most hilarious experience with opposit sex ..... we got married and (drum roll) STAYED married! I tooted during sex and was mortified! Thankfully my partner handled it well by saying "front end so happy back end toot horn" which made me giggle and toot again. The dog jumping into bed and uh sniffing there when we were really going at it. One cold snoot in the wrong place at the wrong time and we both almost ended up in the ceiling fan. Scared the dog too!
Sugarkane Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Was dumped by text because my ex "wanted to be single". Went straight NC and never contacted once. Yet he contacts me and calls me the psycho. Months later begs me back and when I refuse, verbally abuses me by text, like a complete psycho. Because what a great way to get try and get your ex back. Not.
raccoontt Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Some years ago me, my friend and my girlfriend went to a night club. Around 3am we were pretty drunk. We had some little argument with my gf, which she started, after that I went to the WC. She asked my friend where did I go, and he replied that I left from the party. I don't know why did he assume so, I think he was drunk enough, so perceived reality incorrectly. My gf is like "omg, what did I do", she runs out of the club to the promenade with a lot of people, as the nightlife is very active in that area. She sees some guy from the back, who looks like me - as tall as me and wearing white shirt, just like me. She approaches him, starts to hug and apologize. At that moment I'm out of the club, and what I see is my gf approaches some guy, hugs him, the guy is shocked for a while, then pushes her off. She is confused. It took some time for us to figure out what happened, but it was funny afterword. 1
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