lessica Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 So we were together, and living together about 7 years. Yesterday NC was broken when he came over. I let him talk. I listened. He said he wanted to be together but in time , but we'd been together so long and we needed space, etc etc. I did give him the impression I agreed, but was mostly silence. I am pretty sure I don't want to be with this person again, ever, I don't think it is good for me. Do I reinstate NC today, with him under the impression we would get back together. Or do I send him a short text and say I am sorry, but getting back together isn't what I want and he needs to move. My problem is, I think leaving the door open will make it too easy for me to hope in my weak moments..
Treasa Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 So radio silent on him and avoid/block any attempts he may make at communicating with you.
Art_Critic Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Is this worth breaking no contact? It never is.....
Author lessica Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 So radio silent on him and avoid/block any attempts he may make at communicating with you. Do you think I just go ahead and do this without saying no the the 'break'. My only concern is he is going to be thinking for at least a couple of months that we are on a committed break, and reconciliation will/can happen
Author lessica Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 I don't know if it is breaking NC because he came here yesterday awhile, so technically NC has been in place not even a day.
xilver Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 It will make it too easy. It does for me. How would he react to a message telling him that? Ideally I would want to know if my girl was really done. I'd be hurt but I would get the message better that way and maybe get over it quicker too. Either way will work though.
SkyWheel Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 It really comes down to how sure you are of your emotions about the situation, I think. Are you totally sure you don't want to be with him ever again? If you are, it's probably best to tell him as soon as possible. I know I'd want to know that, personally, putting myself in his place. But if you have any doubt--you might want to give yourself the time and space to think, you know? You don't want to make any rash decisions you'll regret later.
Author lessica Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Yeah. I think that it is 'for the best' to go our separate ways. I am sure that there is no real way around that. And I am fairly sure that I am just a safety net for him. I might change my mind a 1000 times, but those mind changes would be from emotion, and regardless the same outcome needs to happen. Maybe I should wait before sending it until I get my head around the situation and move on a little? I am just wondering if maybe sending it in a few weeks or whatever would set me back...
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Don't send anything. Just do nothing and be quiet and move forward. You don't need to make a declaration of anything. 1
Jwill1224 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Hey...you know I'm fresh with my break up...but NC is prob good
Author lessica Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 I was just going to say "I shouldn't have agreed to what we spoke about, I am sorry for confusing you." And that would be the end of the whole thing, no speaking again, without him being strung along... I am pretty sure not saying anything is what most people promote? I agree 100%. It's just if we are walking away, and going off our last conversation... everything is rosey, and we will be moving in together again after some space.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I was just going to say "I shouldn't have agreed to what we spoke about, I am sorry for confusing you." And that would be the end of the whole thing, no speaking again, without him being strung along... I am pretty sure not saying anything is what most people promote? I agree 100%. It's just if we are walking away, and going off our last conversation... everything is rosey, and we will be moving in together again after some space. How can you move in with someone you aren't communicating with? Use some common sense here please.
Author lessica Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 How can you move in with someone you aren't communicating with? Use some common sense here please. This is the thing. He wants to be communicating the whole time, and seeing each other, just having some time living apart. He wants to be committed, but living apart for awhile. I gave him the impression I was open to this. But I am not. I am not prepared for him to change his mind at any point. He is going to spend a good while thinking I am just not contacting him to give each other space and that we are still 'committed', I am very accommodating, we had lived together 7 years, he will take my agreeing with him to heart. NC is coming from me 100%, and he is unaware of my intentions for moving on.
Author lessica Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Weak moments remember? This is one of them. I think you are right about this. I am too worried that I am stringing him along now, because he doesn't know I am done. He thinks we are still together in some sense. I feel like I owe it to him to be straight, and reject his proposal. Worrying about this in this context is weak. period. 1
JDPT Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I think you are right about this. I am too worried that I am stringing him along now, because he doesn't know I am done. He thinks we are still together in some sense. I feel like I owe it to him to be straight, and reject his proposal. Worrying about this in this context is weak. period. I guess the question is do you want to be courteous or do you want to survive and move on? Do you want to tell him what your true intentions are or be selfish (which is ok at times) and truly move on with your life? His proposal is utterly ridiculous, it sounds to me more like "put your life on hold, wait for me to figure things out and perhaps get a head start on moving on and if I don't manage to figure things out on my end I'll get right back to you" get it? I'm thinking he is somewhat set on moving on and wants to secure you "just in case" you know? 2
Author lessica Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 I guess the question is do you want to be courteous or do you want to survive and move on? Do you want to tell him what your true intentions are or be selfish (which is ok at times) and truly move on with your life? His proposal is utterly ridiculous, it sounds to me more like "put your life on hold, wait for me to figure things out and perhaps get a head start on moving on and if I don't manage to figure things out on my end I'll get right back to you" get it? I'm thinking he is somewhat set on moving on and wants to secure you "just in case" you know? Thanks JDPT, you are right. I don't need to engage in anymore ridiculous exchanges with this person. It makes no sense. I was reading this thread, and I just realized how insane it is. I am glad I posted, or I would have sent it. I guess I thought if I was going to clearly finish it, I should do it now rather than down the track.. But it is pointless. And I really shouldn't worry how he views it at all, that defeats the purpose of moving on. Thank you for your support!
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 This is the thing. He wants to be communicating the whole time, and seeing each other, just having some time living apart. He wants to be committed, but living apart for awhile. I gave him the impression I was open to this. But I am not. I am not prepared for him to change his mind at any point. He is going to spend a good while thinking I am just not contacting him to give each other space and that we are still 'committed', I am very accommodating, we had lived together 7 years, he will take my agreeing with him to heart. NC is coming from me 100%, and he is unaware of my intentions for moving on. Who cares. He'll be well aware when you don't communicate and move on. You don't have to make a declaration. That's dumb. Just live your life and give him the space he wants, permanently. 1
Author lessica Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Thanks Simon Phoenix. I know what your saying. I think a bit of hope might have been dictating my urge to do this. Hoping scares the crap out of me. For me, at this point being done=sad but okay, hoping= desperation and devastation. For some reason I think making a declaration meant that I wouldn't have to hope anymore. It is pointless. I am sure I will go back and forwarded for a while yet. I love this site, I honestly would have sent that message had it not been for the objectivity of the people on here. Thank you
JDPT Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Thanks Simon Phoenix. I know what your saying. I think a bit of hope might have been dictating my urge to do this. Hoping scares the crap out of me. For me, at this point being done=sad but okay, hoping= desperation and devastation. For some reason I think making a declaration meant that I wouldn't have to hope anymore. It is pointless. I am sure I will go back and forwarded for a while yet. I love this site, I honestly would have sent that message had it not been for the objectivity of the people on here. Thank you sounds good to me, good job lessica. 1
starlet86 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 My ex told me he wanted to see how things went between us, but not rush or jump in to anything when I questioned his feelings for me. At the time he wanted something from me. mind you and it was easy to lead me on. When I realised he hadn't actually meant it, it was horrible. I would have rather known from the start he didn't want to sort things. Be honest with him darling, otherwise it will turn bitter and nasty.
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