xilver Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 It’s been over a month since I have seen my ex and I feel so empty. She pissed me off a month ago and I didn’t want anything to do with her. The first two weeks since we got in that argument she was texting me quite a bit but now she has stopped altogether and it has been over two weeks. I was ignoring her texts a lot and being short. I just want her to change if we are going to be together. I don’t think she can that’s why I sort of gave up on her at first hoping she would change on her own. Now I feel like I should do something and at least give her an ultimatum. I know I am hurting her by not contacting her and I’m not doing much better. Is it possible she will change if I do that or do I need to let her figure it out and get on with my own life?
Author xilver Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Well she thinks I am either cheating on her, or she asks me if I like that girl, tells me I would be happy with such and such type of person,... etc. Basically insecure type stuff because I'm not giving her a reason to trip. She apologizes later on but it keeps happening. I also don't like how she openly goes and parties with her group, a bunch of guys and a few girls regardless of whether I want to go. At first I was cool with how she has guy friends, and goes to the bar twice a week every week but the more serious I get with her I realize I don't want a girl that hops on a dirt bike with guys i don't know. It doesn't matter to me if she is a prude and nothing sexual is happening or not. And her accusations about me make me want to say something or forget her even more.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 She'll only change if she wants to change, not because of anything you do. And why wouldn't you want to find someone that you don't have to change?
Author xilver Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Maybe because of where I am at in my life I'm intimidated. Maybe because I know how hard it is for me to fall in love because I do have high standards. If I fell in love with her then she is better than most out there to me already. It just seems so close. That is what I want though. I don't want to have to change anyone. It seems heartless to walk away and not say why. Like I am keeping something bottled up.
whyme76 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 One month is not enough time for anyone to change. Maybe a small change an be possible, but essentially what you are asking her to do is change her entire personality. That's really hard to do in a lifetime, forget about changing in a month. So either you accept her for how she is, and who she is now, or you move on.
Author xilver Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Thanks guys for your comments they really do help. I think I am asking for a lot. I also wonder if maybe she already is aware of my concerns to some extent and in her way finally got it without me telling her, knew she couldn't change and realized it was over. How likely is that?
whyme76 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 It might just not have been enough time yet for anything (change, not change, what were the actual issues) to sink in for anyone. She might not even be thinking clearly yet. I know for me, it takes a while to let emotions die down, and until then I'm not really thinking rationally or logically yet. I would stay NC for just a little while longer to give both yourself and her the space and time to be able see the situation rationally. I'm also working on NC and what helps me is a post-it on my desk "You can only miss something when it's no longer there." 1
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