lifeislove88 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 So.... my boyfriend and I were perfect. We started in an 8 hour LDR when he was in the military. He drove to see me every other weekend and we went through a couple deployments. We always talked about our future together. Once he left the military a year ago, he moved home. I decided to move to be with him 17 hours from my home. We had talked about getting engaged soon and our home, family, future..... All of my friends and family agreed that we were completely perfect for each other. I've never fallen in love with someone so fast and hard. He felt the same way. Then lately, he started kind of pushing me away. I was annoyed because I no longer felt like his first priority. I confronted him about it today, and he said that he doesn't see our relationship going any further. He's been putting off talking to me and this is what he lays on me. He said that he always pictured us together forever, but slowly we've been drifting. He said that he can't pinpoint any reason and that there's nothing I did wrong. He said that he still loves me but that we aren't compatible anymore. I can't stop crying and blaming myself. I just don't understand how this happened. My whole world is crashing around me and I'd really appreciate advice!!!
soccerrprp Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 He said that he still loves me but that we aren't compatible anymore. He says "anymore." So, did you change in any way? Weight, attitude, habits? Had he? Is your relationship stagnant, uneventful, in a rut? I suspect that he is no longer attracted to you as he was. Probably b/c he sees changes in you that he is not happy with. Or, unfortunately, he may have an interest in another woman.
Treasa Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 The honeymoon phase is over. Cut all contact. Stop talking to him, start dating other guys. Observe what happens. Go from there. He's not the end all be all in life, I promise. 2
New User Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Relationships forged in the military sometimes don't successfully transition to civilian life. Sometimes it isn't anyone's fault- it just happens. If you're at a base away from home sometimes that cute girl is the only semblance of normalcy in your life. If you're deployed it's impossible for the gal at home to understand how much of a bright spot those emails and packages you're sending are- sometimes they're the only bright spots. When the pressure that forged the relationship gets eliminated sometimes you find out that the pressure was the only thing holding it together. Transitioning from military to civilian is rough for some Soldiers. He was honest with you- if belatedly. It's possible that he's going through an adjustment phase. Best thing for you to do is accept that. Keep the memories and move on. Maybe when his head's in a different place he'll get back in touch with you- maybe not. Maybe you won't be interested by then. Good luck. 2
Author lifeislove88 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 He said there's nothing different about me and its nothing that I did or could have done. Just that we don't blend as well as we did, or should. He thinks I'm not as happy as I think I am or could be. It's hard on both of us but I'm just in shock. I never thought this would happen. It's just a shame that I have to quit my job and move back home now with no job and no significant other. I have so much to do and it's just so depressing.
New User Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Be thankful that he realized this now- not after you got married. It'll suck for a while but most likely you'll move on fairly quickly once you accept that it's over. Make your move home ASAP. Give yourself a short period of time to wallow(like a week) if you feel that you must and start moving into the future.
Author lifeislove88 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 I just don't even know where to begin to pick up the pieces. He has everything I've ever wanted in a man. I'm at a total loss and I can't think about anything else except how perfect we were. And how perfect he is. I'm just so heartbroken.
soccerrprp Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 He said there's nothing different about me and its nothing that I did or could have done. lifeislove88, I hear what HE had to say. But, what changes, if at all (which could also be a problem), did YOU see occurring in the relationship that could explain things. He may have been trying to lessen the blow by saying that there was nothing you could have done. Something did. Anyway, it may not be important. Move on. Re-group. Good luck and I am sorry.
curlygirl40 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 He has everything I've ever wanted in a man. I'm at a total loss and I can't think about anything else except how perfect we were. And how perfect he is. . When you think about everything you want in a man, in a partner, one of the first things on that list should be that they love you back. They want you and love you in the ways that you want them. So on paper, he might be everything you want in a man. But he's not everything you want in a partner because he doesn't feel the same way about you at this moment. So in that way, he's not everything you want. He's the opposite. If you're building the 'perfect boyfriend', #1 on the list is that he loves and cares about you and wants to be with you. It's sad. It's hard to move on. But know that someone else is out there that will go the distance. This guy couldn't. You might never know why. Best of luck
Author lifeislove88 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 lifeislove88, I hear what HE had to say. But, what changes, if at all (which could also be a problem), did YOU see occurring in the relationship that could explain things. He may have been trying to lessen the blow by saying that there was nothing you could have done. Something did. Anyway, it may not be important. Move on. Re-group. Good luck and I am sorry. Well, everything was totally fine but when I would go home to visit, I would get really sad since I miss my family and friends. I don't know if that made him feel bad about me moving here and think that I'm happier there. Also, more recently, his friends have been his top priority. I only see him a couple days a week due to our schedules, and they would call, and he would go. Sometimes invite me. But he was never ever the one to make plans with me. He would hesitantly go to dinner or something if I pleaded. I don;t know if it's since he's finally back home and in his old routine that he had when he was in high school, and I just don't fit in or what.
Author lifeislove88 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 When you think about everything you want in a man, in a partner, one of the first things on that list should be that they love you back. They want you and love you in the ways that you want them. So on paper, he might be everything you want in a man. But he's not everything you want in a partner because he doesn't feel the same way about you at this moment. So in that way, he's not everything you want. He's the opposite. If you're building the 'perfect boyfriend', #1 on the list is that he loves and cares about you and wants to be with you. It's sad. It's hard to move on. But know that someone else is out there that will go the distance. This guy couldn't. You might never know why. Best of luck What makes it hard is that he said he still loves me. That he can't explain it; it's just a feeling. It's hard not to blame myself. I've had the best 3 years of my life with him and had our future in mind the whole time. I just wish he and I had a reason that we grew apart rather than together. We both love everything about each other, just don't know what's missing. (Well, he doesn't. I wish I felt the same as he cause this would be so much easier.)
Author lifeislove88 Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 I can't stop thinking about all the times he visited me in the military and all the messages he sent me. I don't know where all of that love went. We have gone on so many adventures. All my great memories are with him and I don't want them to make me depressed. I wanted them to be stories we talked about our whole lives
Author lifeislove88 Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 Even my ex boyfriend agrees that there was nothing broken and nothing to fix. He just could no longer see us having a future together. He used to drive 8 hours just to see me for a weekend for 2 years until I moved to be with him for a year now. We texted each other every night cute goodnight messages. He opened my door for me. We used to take vacations together all the time and just go to museums, movies, trails, the beach, etc. Never a dull moment and I was swept off my feet. I don't know why he isn't feeling the same and he doesn't either. My problem is, how can I stop thinking about all the good and how perfect we were and how madly in love we were? Every memory I have links back to him. As of right now, I just want to forget his laugh, his humor, our amazing times together, HIM, and how we used to be sooooo loving and affectionate. I never want anyone else. They won't compare to him and what we've been through. Neither of us ever thought this was going to happen... I'm at a total loss here I can't eat or sleep or smile.
Leegh Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Try to take a day at a time, and over time the memory of him will fade. Try not to look him up on Facebook, etc. (a major mistake I have made in the past) as that will bring back a lot of memories. Time will help, and forming new experiences. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel someday. 1
jphcbpa Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Just know that there will be someone else for you. It might take a year or 2 or 5, but just know that you will meet another man that will sweep you off your feet. Do not believe that lie and do not beat yourself up. Just love on yourself and be gentle. 1
Ashlaria Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Relationships forged in the military sometimes don't successfully transition to civilian life. Sometimes it isn't anyone's fault- it just happens. If you're at a base away from home sometimes that cute girl is the only semblance of normalcy in your life. If you're deployed it's impossible for the gal at home to understand how much of a bright spot those emails and packages you're sending are- sometimes they're the only bright spots. When the pressure that forged the relationship gets eliminated sometimes you find out that the pressure was the only thing holding it together. Transitioning from military to civilian is rough for some Soldiers. He was honest with you- if belatedly. It's possible that he's going through an adjustment phase. Best thing for you to do is accept that. Keep the memories and move on. Maybe when his head's in a different place he'll get back in touch with you- maybe not. Maybe you won't be interested by then. Good luck. What a lovely, well balanced response. I think this sounds perfectly plausible and I'm sure there is some truth in it.
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