Eve Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Sounds to me like he tried a lifestyle he found incompatible with his beliefs. It's ok to walk away. Would have been worse if he had stayed, maybe? Take care, Eve x
Emilia Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I'm not sure why so many people 'liked' this post... Real 'men' don't use and take advantage... because doing so would make them lose respect for themselves... So maybe we ought to change this post to say... "What A-holes will use and take advantage of and what they claim to actually respect can be entirely two different things" That makes a whole lot more sense to me... I don't believe Ninja was taking that guy's side. His point was simply that just because a man sleeps with you, it doesn't mean he respects you or wants to be with you. Which is usually your point too, I believe. 1
Emilia Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 However, that's the first time I've ever seen NiP make a strong point without writing an essay about it! That bears encouragement, even if he didn't qualify the sentence appropriately. I had no trouble understanding it, he has made the same point a million times on this forum, he hardly posts on any other forums about any other subject. 1
sdraw108 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I hope I'm not out of line here but what is it with this Christian stuff. Are people that are Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim and others no good? If you meet someone and their good to you and for you and would make a good wife or husband, would it matter if they were something other than Christian? I hope that what I have just written hasn't offended anyone. I'm Christian but if I met a woman and we were good for each other, I wouldn't care one bit what her religion was. I can tell you this though, I would respect her beliefs. Actually what you described doesn't seem that strange to me (and I'm an atheist). If you believe in a particular religion, then it's fairly rational to not want to date someone who believes in a different one, unless you don't take your religion that seriously (which is something I've never understood - if you don't take it seriously, why bother at all?). What I do find really bizarre is people who believe in "sex after marriage" but are happy to do everything else including oral (and in some cases, even anal). At that point it really makes no difference to anything or anyone. 1
sdraw108 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Sounds to me like he tried a lifestyle he found incompatible with his beliefs. It's ok to walk away. Would have been worse if he had stayed, maybe? Take care, Eve x No, it is NOT ok to go around messing with people's lives and emotions just so you can "try a lifestyle". For this to work, he should have been upfront with her from the beginning, so that she could make an informed choice about whether or not to invest herself in the relationship (in which case, yes, it would have been ok to walk away). To hide something like this and then dump them over it, is dishonest and thoughtless.
Els Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 What I do find really bizarre is people who believe in "sex after marriage" but are happy to do everything else including oral (and in some cases, even anal). At that point it really makes no difference to anything or anyone. There is a very notable difference, namely that the risk of pregnancy is zero via oral or anal sex, but significant via vaginal intercourse (can be reduced by proper use of contraception, but still exists). If pregnancy were a couple's main concern about sex before marriage (as opposed to religion, etc), it might make sense to forgo the activity with a risk of pregnancy but indulge in everything else. Assuming both parties are okay with that, this is MUCH less bizarre than a guy who sleeps with a woman then dumps her for not being a virgin.
Shepp Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Guys... you are all saying that because someone does something can't choose not to date people who does the same thing? For example if a guy is fat can't he decide he like thin women? If a guy smokes can't he decide he want to date non smokers? If you are a delinquent do you have to accept all the delinquents around you as possible dates? If he is a sex fiend can't he have preference to settle with someone of lower experience or non? Taste and action are totally different things... I would judge a guy who shame people who do the same as he does and I would call him an hypocrite but who do we choose to date and what criteria we use is individual and no one can tell you what is right or wrong. Yeah but If you said a guy who's fat dumps his gf because shes fat, or a guy who smokes dumping his gf because she smokes....that's when it stops being a matter of what your attracted to, what you value, your taste in girls and becomes hypocritical, no? 1
Eve Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 No, it is NOT ok to go around messing with people's lives and emotions just so you can "try a lifestyle". For this to work, he should have been upfront with her from the beginning, so that she could make an informed choice about whether or not to invest herself in the relationship (in which case, yes, it would have been ok to walk away). To hide something like this and then dump them over it, is dishonest and thoughtless. Under the scenario you present, yes, it is not ideal. Two people meeting from different walks of life and then one deciding that it is not for them isn't anything to write home about in my books. Who knows the mindset of each truly? Maybe he got a glimpse of sex in a meaningless relationship and thought, '****, this isn't for me'. Maybe he was a user? If he was a user though, surely he would have kept up with the act as is the norm? Nah, this could have been experimentation for one or each. Maybe even they will be back on next week? Surely you are not saying either must stay? Take care, Eve x 1
RedRobin Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 I don't believe Ninja was taking that guy's side. His point was simply that just because a man sleeps with you, it doesn't mean he respects you or wants to be with you. Which is usually your point too, I believe. I do get tired sometimes of the constant warnings about 'men'... Especially when it is implied that it is necessarily the woman's fault when some men behave the way they do. Yes, I know that sounds odd coming from me, considering the fact that I'm the one doing as much or more 'warning' as anyone else. Maybe what I object to is a tone of, rather, gloating or a 'neener, neener' quality that I find off-putting. Noone deserves to be lied to, used, or taken advantage of... and it isn't on the one being lied to to always keep walls and barriers up... and constantly be on guard just because our culture seems to implicitly accept this behavior and even support it. There has to be room in there somewhere for trust, or attempted trust. Although, you'd never see that in most of Ninja's posts... sad to say. Once in awhile, it would be nice if our esteemed Ninja would say "Damn, so sorry that happened to you" instead of doing what appears to me as a congratulatory little dance celebrating the ****iness of accepted male behavior as he so routinely describes.
ltjg45 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Sorry to actually see that, however, I can also see it being a good thing for her since, apparently, he's nothing more than a hypocrite. Having a sexual relationship with her and then dumps her because she is not a virgin? Oh, that's a good one. Just watch. I wouldn't be surprised if I get dumped one day because I am a virgin.
therhythm Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 Yeah but If you said a guy who's fat dumps his gf because shes fat, or a guy who smokes dumping his gf because she smokes....that's when it stops being a matter of what your attracted to, what you value, your taste in girls and becomes hypocritical, no? No, I don't agree... Lets take the example of the fat guy, let's say he got in a relationship with a woman who was fit but she has become fat and he finds her unattractive... what is he supposed to do? If he finds her unattractive still stay in the relationship just because he is fat? I would not want that if I was the girlfriend anyway... I think he is in his total right to find fat unattractive even if he is fat. He would be an hypocrite if he would shame or name calling her for being fat... but that is a totally different thing...
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 16, 2013 Posted July 16, 2013 If only women ceased rewarding such behavior. If only I could find a genuine unicorn. That's what people don't get. Dating is a market. The traits people like will be noticed and emulated, the ones that don't, won't be. So, if people who use people and are mean and nasty continually get dates and relationships or whatever, what does that say? Perhaps people prefer those traits...
Seductive Posted July 17, 2013 Posted July 17, 2013 To the op-some men just expect their woman to be virgins when they are not. They think that a true wife and mother will not have had another man before him. I've seen this happen quite a bit in my culture. I think it's hard to reason with a man that thinks its okay for men to have sex, and not women.
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