jen_r Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 So, I've been FWB with this guy for a few months now, have only had sex 3 times. Initially I thought he was interested in more, but I realized he only wanted to hook up and I was okay with it. We hung out last night and he got wasted and I'm guessing he was blacked out because I had no idea what he was even talking about but he was rambling on about stupid stuff and attacking me over ridiculous things. I text him this morning and I say, "You were crazyyy last night." He doesn't respond. 2 hours later I say, "Was there a reason you were attacking me or was it alcohol induced?" He says, "Alcohol. I'm sorry." I say, "You are one confusing person." He responds with, "I know, I think we should take it easy and just be friends." I'm like, "Okay, that's fine." But then I start thinking about it, we're BARELY friends as it is. We don't really talk to each other or text each other unless we run into each other. He usually initiates physical contact, touchy feely, kissing etc. So, I'm sitting here thinking for a few hours and I decide to text him and ask why. He says "I just feel that's its not working out, mostly on my end, but still I don't think its going well." I say, "ok, well to be fair, we're only barely just friends anyways, but okay, i was just curious." He says "Well that's not a great sign to begin with. I figured maybe try to be friends and see where that goes." This is just his nice way of saying "I don't want to hook up anymore." Right? Because, it's not like we're really friends. We talk to each other we see each other @ mutual friends' houses and such. We text RANDOMLY and its a few sentences about nothing of importance. It's buggin me that he said this! I just don't understand what brought it on.
ddlovexx Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 This is just his nice way of saying "I don't want to hook up anymore." Right? Because, it's not like we're really friends. Yeah, I would say so. 2
MrTurk Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 You have the answer already at the bottom of your post "You create your own hell" 3
salparadise Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 You didn't say much about his overall demeanor, so hard do more than guess. And my guess is that he's afraid of becoming attached and losing control of his emotions. Normally a guy with a new FWB would be wanting sex at least once a week, maybe 2-3 times a week. If he's only been motivated 3 times in several months then he either has access to sex elsewhere, extremely low libido, or is afraid that it will engulf him. What's the situation - could he be getting it somewhere else, how old is he and how much experience has he had?
Author jen_r Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) You didn't say much about his overall demeanor, so hard do more than guess. And my guess is that he's afraid of becoming attached and losing control of his emotions. Normally a guy with a new FWB would be wanting sex at least once a week, maybe 2-3 times a week. If he's only been motivated 3 times in several months then he either has access to sex elsewhere, extremely low libido, or is afraid that it will engulf him. What's the situation - could he be getting it somewhere else, how old is he and how much experience has he had? I asked him last night if he was sleeping with other people and he said no. I have no reason to doubt him. He is an extremely busy person, only has 1 day off a week. BUT, he is very young. He is 7 years younger than me, he's 22. I feel this may have alot to do with it. But still, I don't see why we had to end the fun?! I wasn't pressuring for more. Side note: While was he drunk last night, he was saying "Now you can go hook up with my friend ****. Since I'm being such a dick and all. I see how you guys interact on FB with each other. So, go for ****." That made me think he was jealous?? And I responded with..."what would you care anyhow? What am I to you? Nothing." But, there really was no interaction between me & his friend, at least nothing major. Edited July 14, 2013 by jen_r
TaraMaiden Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Maybe there is a possibility he just doesn't enjoy this lifestyle, and wants to stop. At 22, his brain isn't even fully formed yet, so he's very impressionable. I think he's right to end it, and maybe you should step back and respect that.
Author jen_r Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 Maybe there is a possibility he just doesn't enjoy this lifestyle, and wants to stop. At 22, his brain isn't even fully formed yet, so he's very impressionable. I think he's right to end it, and maybe you should step back and respect that. Oh I'm totally going to respect it & back off. It's just going to be slightly awkward when we see each other next weekend. Just say, "hey, whats up." and then ignore each other? I'm bad with awkward situations...
TaraMaiden Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Act normal. Like you don't really care. Just be natural, and let things slide. Really, in the scheme of things, it's all no big deal. Shrug, and just act friendly....
Author jen_r Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 Act normal. Like you don't really care. Just be natural, and let things slide. Really, in the scheme of things, it's all no big deal. Shrug, and just act friendly.... You're right, it isn't a big deal. Guess I'm just feeling a bit of rejection lol
salparadise Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I asked him last night if he was sleeping with other people and he said no. I have no reason to doubt him. He is an extremely busy person, only has 1 day off a week. BUT, he is very young. He is 7 years younger than me, he's 22. I feel this may have alot to do with it. But still, I don't see why we had to end the fun?! I wasn't pressuring for more. Yea, I'd bet that he's putting up walls to protect his fragile core. You said earlier that at first you thought he wanted more, then dropped back to fwb, and now he's even backing away from that. My guess is that he's craving the sex but terrified that he'll become vulnerable, fall for you, lose his autonomy just as he's getting it established. I did that once at about that same age. I was working in a town where I didn't want to be any longer and met a really cute, highly sexual girl a little younger than me but more experienced. She sexed me up like I never imagined. I wasn't very experienced and a girl like that is what wet dreams were made of. She knew she was hot and desirable and completely puzzled as to why I held her at arms length. The fact was I was afraid to fall for her - that it would keep me from getting out of that town. At least that's the conscious justification. Subconsciously, I now realize I was just afraid of losing myself. I knew that what she was doing to me could overload my circuits and make me powerless. I wished many times since then that I had been ready for what she had in mind.
Author jen_r Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Yea, I'd bet that he's putting up walls to protect his fragile core. You said earlier that at first you thought he wanted more, then dropped back to fwb, and now he's even backing away from that. My guess is that he's craving the sex but terrified that he'll become vulnerable, fall for you, lose his autonomy just as he's getting it established. I did that once at about that same age. I was working in a town where I didn't want to be any longer and met a really cute, highly sexual girl a little younger than me but more experienced. She sexed me up like I never imagined. I wasn't very experienced and a girl like that is what wet dreams were made of. She knew she was hot and desirable and completely puzzled as to why I held her at arms length. The fact was I was afraid to fall for her - that it would keep me from getting out of that town. At least that's the conscious justification. Subconsciously, I now realize I was just afraid of losing myself. I knew that what she was doing to me could overload my circuits and make me powerless. I wished many times since then that I had been ready for what she had in mind. Interesting way to look at it. But I have doubt that he's afraid to fall for me. The more I think about it, he may very well just be a dick lol.
MrTurk Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Thats why so many women always have trouble with a FWB situation. You said you were hoping for more....but gave in and let it be FWB only. Then, after a few months...you let your emotions and over-analyzing take control of everything....and then you start drilling yourself with all kinds of what if questions about him, that you will never get the answer to. You created your own hell....if you're going to act this way in a FWB situation....why get involved in the first place?? And then to save your self respect....you try to turn it around, and label HIM as a dick, to make you feel better...when you both mutually agreed to FWB. This guy did nothing wrong to you....yet you will retell this story to other women....and those women will also be like "what a dick". And thats how all this man hating gets snowballed, and gathers more momentum.
Author jen_r Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 ^^ A, calm down. B, I didn't say I wanted more. Read. I said I thought HE did, but I was okay with fwb because he's way too young for anything more. Im annoyed that now things are going to be weird between us and I was having fun. Lastly, after the texts he just sent me ...I can say he's a dick!
MrTurk Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 You are correct...you didnt say you wanted more, I went off my aging memory instead of re-reading your post But you are still creating all this drama. Most FWB situations turn out the way yours did. The way you are trying to analyze it makes it seem like you were in a serious relationship. You guys ****ed a few times, and thats it. Do you really expect more from a guy in that situation??
lissa90 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Yup, he is throwing in the fwb towel. He has told you *exactly* what he wants to do. There is no hidden meaning so you have to take it at face value. He doesn't want to hook up anymore, he isn't feeling it/you..so abandon ship. Move on and find someone else, this dude is a lost cause. Btw...after he says all that and randomly texts you a few days/weeks later to hook up...for the love of god don't do it. It just means you are his last ditch attempt to get laid after exhausting all his other options.
MrTurk Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Btw...after he says all that and randomly texts you a few days/weeks later to hook up...for the love of god don't do it. It just means you are his last ditch attempt to get laid after exhausting all his other options. I agree to a point. But if two consenting adults "AGREE" its just sex, then there shouldnt be all this drama and bs. If 1 of them wants to call it quits....there shouldnt be a huge issue, acting like they are walking out on a relationship. But thats what usually happens....one half of the party almost always gets attached, and then flips out when its over. If I'm in a FWB and she decides to stop. No problem. And then 6 mos later we bump into each other...and she's like "hey what are you doing tonight"...I'm not going to be like a typical male or female....and act like I'm better than her, and diss her because she put the brakes on earlier. Its HER choice...I dont own her and she can do what she wants. But too many aholes in our society try to lay claim to things that were never theirs to being with.
lissa90 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Of course, I'm not denying that. FWB isn't a relationship and it can be stopped and restarted, but from the gist of it, he isn't feeling her..not even as a friend with benefits. I'm just advising the OP that her being his last option may be the case, if she's cool with that than hey, what ever floats her boat, but if it were me and my fwb had said all that only to come back a mere few days/weeks later (months - I might consider it) that would be the first thing to come in to my mind.
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