ddlovexx Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) Hey LS, So I met this amazing guy... and I only feel "eh" about it. First date he came to my show (I'm a singer/songwriter), got me flowers, then we went out for a few drinks and we hit it off so well. Lots of laughing and learning about each other and kissing. He said all the rights things, etc. He's 26, lives in NY, is attractive and has a great job. I was really excited and flattered at this point. We had texted a lot and couldn't wait to see each other again. Fast forward two days and I go see him. He takes me to dinner and bowling, we go back to his place and drink wine and watch TV with his friends. We're laughing and cuddling and having fun. He even woke up and made me breakfast and plans to take me down the shore this week. He does all the right things, says all the right things- this guy is absolutely crazy about me like I've never seen before... shouldn't I be all goo goo gaga? I don't know what happened but I just like... lost 'it'? I'm frustrated. This guy is perfect and he's the kind of guy I enjoy to keep me emotionally fulfilled. Super sweet and very affectionate. He likes the music I like (or at least doesn't make fun of me for it), he is blown away when I sing, he thinks I'm beautiful, we have the same humor, and we like a lot of the same things. I've been treated fairly ****ty in past relationships. I'm over them so I don't think it's that kind of baggage, but I'm also not used to being treated this nicely. Now, I'm not ready for anything serious and I told him I want to take it slow and see where it goes. He's all for it because he thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread... it's adorable. I'm unsure if I'm just emotionally not ready, if it's not meant to be, or if it's just too soon. I feel like I should be super into him but I also might be emotionally exhausted and in denial about it. My two best friends have said to just give it a little more time because it might be too soon and it could develop... and then there's a part of me that is mad at myself because I feel like I should be googoo gaga over this "perfect" guy. Anyone ever been in a similar situation? I do think I should give it more time and see where it goes but I don't want to hurt him at all. I'm not into games, not the "heartbreaker" type. I feel pretty cruddy about it right now, any input would be greatly appreciated... thanks! Edited July 14, 2013 by ddlovexx
Keenly Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 You are so used to being in horrible relationships and you are still so caught up in the cycle that when this nice guy comes along, you have no idea what to do with him. 1
MrCastle Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Hey LS, So I met this amazing guy... and I only feel "eh" about it. First date he came to my show (I'm a singer/songwriter), got me flowers, then we went out for a few drinks and we hit it off so well. Lots of laughing and learning about each other and kissing. He said all the rights things, etc. He's 26, lives in NY, is attractive and has a great job. I was really excited and flattered at this point. We had texted a lot and couldn't wait to see each other again. Fast forward two days and I go see him. He takes me to dinner and bowling, we go back to his place and drink wine and watch TV with his friends. We're laughing and cuddling and having fun. He even woke up and made me breakfast and plans to take me down the shore this week. He does all the right things, says all the right things- this guy is absolutely crazy about me like I've never seen before... shouldn't I be all goo goo gaga? I don't know what happened but I just like... lost 'it'? I'm frustrated. This guy is perfect and he's the kind of guy I enjoy to keep me emotionally fulfilled. Super sweet and very affectionate. He likes the music I like (or at least doesn't make fun of me for it), he is blown away when I sing, he thinks I'm beautiful, we have the same humor, and we like a lot of the same things. I've been treated fairly ****ty in past relationships. I'm over them so I don't think it's that kind of baggage, but I'm also not used to being treated this nicely. Now, I'm not ready for anything serious and I told him I want to take it slow and see where it goes. He's all for it because he thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread... it's adorable. I'm unsure if I'm just emotionally not ready, if it's not meant to be, or if it's just too soon. I feel like I should be super into him but I also might be emotionally exhausted and in denial about it. My two best friends have said to just give it a little more time because it might be too soon and it could develop... and then there's a part of me that is mad at myself because I feel like I should be googoo gaga over this "perfect" guy. Anyone ever been in a similar situation? I do think I should give it more time and see where it goes but I don't want to hurt him at all. I'm not into games, not the "heartbreaker" type. I feel pretty cruddy about it right now, any input would be greatly appreciated... thanks! That's the issue right there. 1
Author ddlovexx Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 I know what to do... I don't know what's going on with my heart and why it doesn't seem to be agreeing. Like I said, don't know if it's too soon or what...
sdraw108 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Take it slow, don't overdo it. See him once or twice a week, but leave a few days in between each date. Don't spend your time analyzing and over thinking it. Just go with the flow and see if your feelings develop. You've already been up front with him about this (that you want to take things slow) so you don't need to feel guilty about it. After a bit of time has gone by, you'll know where your true feelings lie, and can make a rational decision about whether to keep seeing him or not. 1
Gottabestrong Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I agree with sdraw. Give it time. At least a month and see if your feelings develop. I've been in situations in the past where I thought a guy was great, but I just was not feeling 'it'. I kept on dating them if I was not sure and sometimes feelings developed and sometimes they didn't. Only spending more time together and getting to know the person will help you make up your mind one way or the other. Just make sure you are honest with him, by that I mean don't say you are crazy about him, if you really aren't just because he said it first. Hope you know what I mean. Basically don't do or say anything where he can go later and say: "But you did/said this. I thought you were really into me." I had guys tell me they loved me after a few weeks or that I was the most amazing woman they ever met, but 2 months later they dumped me. I couldn't help but feel led on and lied to. Also, if after a few weeks dating you are still not feeling it, don't feel guilty. Just tell him you really like him, but you are feeling more like a friend towards him. Or however you feel. Unfortunately we can't force ourselves to fall for people, no matter how awesome they are. 'The heart wants, what it wants.' So basically my advice is to give it a few more weeks, take it slow and see if your feelings for him develop. Good luck! 3
Woggle Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Your experiences have given you a strange addiction to unhealthy relationships.
Author ddlovexx Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 Your experiences have given you a strange addiction to unhealthy relationships. Not true. It's not like my unhealthy relationships started out unhealthy. People change, things go wrong... and then you walk away.
Woggle Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Not true. It's not like my unhealthy relationships started out unhealthy. People change, things go wrong... and then you walk away. It is subconcious. As much as you say you want healthy experiences when you have one in front of you you want to reject as evidenced by this thread. 1
New User Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I've always heard about these relationships where feelings develop over time and the fair maiden has her once tepid flame of indifference fanned into a roaring bonfire of passion. Where the guy she originally though of as a friend turned into a wonderfully passionate love affair. I've heard of it- but never seen it. I've seen people settle though. In my experience if that spark isn't there at the start you won't ever get the fire started (The previous post brought to you by the gratuitous metaphor department- and possibly the PBR I just ironically drank.)
henderson14 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Not true. It's not like my unhealthy relationships started out unhealthy. People change, things go wrong... and then you walk away. They don't have to start out unhealthy. Your not going to start treating a girl like crap until you've got her attached to you.
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