kmoosa Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Hi all, have just discovered this place and have been reading with interest the advice and wisdom which has been given over previous threads, I'm hoping to get some help from you guys for my particular situation. In early January this year I broke up with the mother of my daughter who I'd been with for 4 years, it hasn't been a pleasant break up but I've been happier not having this woman in my life anymore as she has some serious issues. Since leaving she has been briefing a mutual friend about her attempts to further her own aims at my expense. Not impressed with her schemes our friend has come to me warning me of what is going on behind my back. In brief, we became very close, quite quickly culminating in a strong friendship which turned into something more a couple of months ago. This girl blows my mind and I really could see us being together, we get on so well and when we started going on dates and things got intimate I was very happy for the first time in many years. However this girl has some issues which she has said are proving difficult to cope with, she is a single mum herself, to a daughter who is the same age as mine and is living in poor quality accommodation while she waits for something better from the government. She has a not very supportive mother and a strange and previously abusive ex partner. She is also currently undergoing a surrogate pregnancy for a couple who live miles away. So she has a lot on her plate, I understand this. Also to cap it all off she hasn't been very well and her daughter hasn't been sleeping well so she is exhausted. I guess you can predict what comes next, just the other day she texted me to say that she was aware she had been distant of late, but she was struggling to cope with everything which was going on and she probably shouldn't have got involved with anyone until after her surrogacy was done. I told her I didn't mind the situation and just wanted to support her through it all. This didn't seem to have much effect and a couple of days later I got the message that she couldn't commit to a relationship with me as everything is just too much right now. She also said that she likes hanging out with me and that our kids were good together. She came round later that day and we spent some time together with her daughter, it was as pleasant as always but there was no kiss good bye as there usually is, I just acted normal but inside was so gutted at what was happening. Since then we haven't seen each other and it is now the third day with no text message contact whatsoever. Previously she would be in touch at 6am all through the day until bed. So I am kind of following the whole no contact thing but totally unsure as to whether that is the right course of action given the circumstances. I'd love to tell her how much I love her but I know she can't stand needy men. However by not contacting her at all I feel I might be being uncaring, she is after all three months pregnant and I am one of the few people who know about this and have been there for her so far. As you have probably gathered I am totally at a loss as to what to do and would really appreciate your thoughts. Would just being her friend until the baby is born and we can hopefully start again be the appropriate thing to try? And to achieve that I need to swallow my pride and just contact her and go back to being friends? Or regardless of her circumstances, is the message I received really her telling me to get lost (perhaps for now, perhaps for good) and I should carry on with NC to try and sort my head out and perhaps she will miss me? My head is spinning, I can't sleep and haven't got much appetite, I can't believe I have fallen so hard for her in such a short period of time, but I felt we had a real connection and I guess it was made stronger for me by the way she has saved me from a low point previously when my ex and daughter left. I know I'm too dependant on her at the moment but whatever, I have never felt like I do about her with anyone else. Please help!
flitzanu Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 i would indeed go NC. she told you she doesn't want to date you and won't commit to a relationship "right now". she could be telling the truth and "right now" is literal, or it could mean "never". she wants her space, so you should give it to her. however, it may seem cold, but don't give her the satisfaction of dumping you AND getting to keep you around as her galpal now that she doesn't want to be with you.
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