When is Cold Turkey NC considered NC?

[LilGirlandOW]

My MM and I connect frequently throughout the day, everyday.... from goodmorning till goodnight. Its been 16hrs since I've last heard from him, I am worried cause thats unusual, but I'm also not contacting him... If he doesnt wan tto hear from me, I'm not going pursue. Any cold turkey NC'ers out there? When did you realize that you were in NC?

 

Thanks!

[LilGirlandOW]

I was just asking cause we havnt connected, so it got me thinking... if he never tried to connect with me again,,,, at what point did "cold turkey NC'rs" consider themselves in NC.

[canuckprincess]

I couldn't imagine him not saying goodbye. I would think every one who goes no contact needs that closure. I couldn't imagine someone not saying goodbye and wishing you well.

[Mount]

I think the main reason is that obviously you/OW is not his top list of priority at all, when he is busy with any other stuff, he just has no intention to contact you. Is that simple.

 

My MM and I connect frequently throughout the day, everyday.... from goodmorning till goodnight. Its been 16hrs since I've last heard from him, I am worried cause thats unusual, but I'm also not contacting him... If he doesnt wan tto hear from me, I'm not going pursue. Any cold turkey NC'ers out there? When did you realize that you were in NC?

 

Thanks!

[LilGirlandOW]

I dont even mean my situation, just him not contacting me made me wonder about those OW/OM who get the MM/MW cold turkey no contact. Like at what point did it sink it you were in NC? hours? days? months? I'm curious I think it would be the most painful breakup ever, just wondering if anybody could explain what it was like and stuff

[Mount]

But you don't intend to have him contact you either, there has no point to figure out if it is NC or just he is busy with his family life, isn't it?

 

You can be busy at your life/errands too, do something you plan to accomplish, have fun yourself. That is it. There has no rocky science here, hasn't it?

 

I dont even mean my situation, just him not contacting me made me wonder about those OW/OM who get the MM/MW cold turkey no contact. Like at what point did it sink it you were in NC? hours? days? months? I'm curious I think it would be the most painful breakup ever, just wondering if anybody could explain what it was like and stuff

[BrokenPrincess]

My xMM once abruptly went a week with no contact. I started to think maybe he'd had a DDay or just ended it without telling me. Once we finally talked, it turned our his friends had suddenly died, funeral, etc. After ghat we made a code word in case there was a DDay so at least the other wouldn't wonder.

 

I was going crazy after a couple days when I started to think I wouldn't hear from him again. At the time, there were a few other posters on here whose xMM DID just vanish & go NC without saying goodbye. I think they said it was about 2-3 else when they realized he was gone.

[whichwayisup]

My MM and I connect frequently throughout the day, everyday.... from goodmorning till goodnight. Its been 16hrs since I've last heard from him, I am worried cause thats unusual, but I'm also not contacting him... If he doesnt wan tto hear from me, I'm not going pursue. Any cold turkey NC'ers out there? When did you realize that you were in NC?

 

Thanks!

 

LilG, I really wish you'd just chill out and relax about this. It's NOT the end of the world that you haven't heard from him in 16 hours. The sky isn't falling.

He probably is busy or isn't in the mood to text and keep in touch. Sometimes people need time to themselves. Just because you've not heard from him in 16 hours doesn't mean he hates you, or things have changed. you're acting very needy and insecure - Don't. Either accept that things are the way they are (affair and you the OW) and be happy with it or end it if you can't handle lapses in time when you don't hear from him. Freaking out like this and getting upset, making yourself constantly wonder and do NC for a day or two to punish him/get a reaction out of him is NOT healthy for you at all. This is a vicious cycle/circle.

[whichwayisup]

I was just asking cause we havnt connected, so it got me thinking... if he never tried to connect with me again,,,, at what point did "cold turkey NC'rs" consider themselves in NC.

 

You'd be upset and cry, but your life will go on without him.. If that happens.

 

Sorry I now read the rest of your thread, didn't realize that you were curious about the NC timing ... Thought you meant your full situation. my advice though still stands.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

We buried a box for the baby I lost (that was his) - it was an emotional day - there had been three months of lc after the last and final dday. We talked three days later - the last thing he told me was that he loved me. His father then a few weeks later wrote a newsletter article that appeared in the church newsletter and brought the entire thing up in front of the congregation and community again yet 6 months after the reading of our names in church. I was pissed. I called, left a message on his cell - he never returned my phone call.

 

Yeah - he went silent - no warning - that was over three years ago. There have been a few things that I know we're messages but he cannot contact me - if he does their marriage is over, that I know. So, yep - they can go silent without warning - believe me.

[So happy together]

To think that not hearing from someone in 16 hours is NC would mean that the OW in question is intensely co-dependent and obsessive. The MM who has that OW had better watch his :bunny::bunny:s.

 

 

OMG really???? You know, I wouldn't think it was NC if I didn't hear from my bf for 16 hours but I would be worried. I don't think we've gone more than five hours without some sort of contact since we began dating approx. 18 months ago. I'd worry more that he'd been in an accident, but don't act like I'm (or others) are all sorts of co dependent or obsessive just because we keep in contact with the men we love. I can't help it if we love to chat, tell one another funny stories, say ILY's. I love that he seeks out my company.

[LilGirlandOW]

I think the longest we've gone NC is 3-5hrs at most, so yeah I'm worried something may have happened.

 

But my post was to ask how it went for people who just experienced a "shunning" from AP, no goodbye nothing.... like say this 19hrs or however long its been turns into more, like how long did it take until xOM/xOW knew it was NC,,, its all curiosity more than a worry about my A.

[veryhappy]

16 hours during the weekend? He could be too tired, the wife could be watching him, the cat or dog got sick, the kids were up. Who knows?!

 

I would assume it looks like NC when it goes beyond any normal pattern of communication. If the longest silence has been two days, four days would be suspicious. That or something bad happened.

 

Your MM will not leave you unless the A gets exposed. He's not stupid or committed to his marriage to give up your sheer adoration in and outside the bed. You're a doormat to this guy and honestly you could play it really cool because he's lottery lucky to get you.

[zevahc]

Up until May of this year we had not gone a single day without talking or texting..even when I was out of the country. I'm single..she is not.

 

In May, when we began talking about moving on..because she has chosen to work on her marriage (mind you prior to that she had given me the indication for 4-5 months that she wanted to find a way to be with me). Then, after one of her vacations in which we went 8 days NC...it kicked off more LC. Then we began over the past few months 2-3 days NC (typically weekends), then dragging into the week. I would still classify us as LC, but it seems like it's getting fewer and far between.

 

My goal nows it to keep stretching the times we talk further and further apart....for my own sake...I don't think I'll ever stop believing she is the one that got away, even though she wasn't mine to have....

[So happy together]

How did this turn into a conversation about you? I don't recall mentioning you at all in my post.

 

Can you please stay on topic?

 

It went off topic when YOU said that it was obsessive and co dependent to think someone had gone NC after 16 hours when the topic was something else.

 

I was reassuring the OP that it's not that odd for people who are in love and like one another to stay in contact, countering your obsessive/co dependent remark.

 

Next!

[LilGirlandOW]

I'm sorry for the confusion, the long stretch like 19hrs is soooo unlike us. I have since spoken to him. I admit I was worried about his wellbeing yes, but didnt want this thread to be all about me, I was looking for insight;

 

The question wasn't meant in a way that i was feeling panic about "he wants to leave me", the long stretch of not hearing from him just got me thinking, how it would feel if that were the case, I wanted cold turkey NC'rs to share their experiences about what that was like and how long until it was chiseled into their mind they were in a NC situation.

Edited July 14, 2013 by LilGirlandOW

[zevahc]

I'm sorry for the confusion, the long stretch like 19hrs is soooo unlike us. I have since spoken to him. I admit I was worried about his wellbeing yes, but didnt want this thread to be all about me, I was looking for insight;

 

The question wasn't meant in a way that i was feeling panic about "he wants to leave me", it just got me thinking, how it would feel if that were the case, I wanted cold turkey NC'rs to share their experiences about what that was like and how long until it was chiseled into their mind they were in a NC situation.

 

I know how you feel...you get used to the level of interaction..be it every day, or 10 times a day. The first weekend she didn't contact me for one day, I wondered what was wrong...she came back and told me why she couldn't contact me...and I had blown it out of proportion. She even now claims she will never quit talking to me (though it sure seems like it) unless I can't move on and get over her...(yeah, I know...that seems kind of like an odd request...she wants to talk but once me to move on). She wants to maintain our great friendhship..it's me that can't and probably won't ever see her as just a friend.

 

But I get it...you experienced something slightly out of character of your normal routines with your AP and it gets in your head..

[BrokenPrincess]

I'm sorry for the confusion, the long stretch like 19hrs is soooo unlike us. I have since spoken to him. I admit I was worried about his wellbeing yes, but didnt want this thread to be all about me, I was looking for insight;

 

Did he initiate contact? Did you ask him what happened?

[So happy together]

I think it's super odd for Lil to be obsessing over a 16 hour gap in contact. The man sleeps at some point, is married, has familial duties. She is the OW, he has a wife and family, she knows that. She is only a priority when he can sneak away for an hour or two.

 

This is absolutely false. She is used to contact daily, several times. If she wasn't used to it, this wouldn't even be an issue but the fact that he does contact her throughout the day doesn't make it odd at all. If I didn't hear from my bf for 16 hours I'd think he was dead in a ditch somewhere.

[RickFox]

I dont even mean my situation, just him not contacting me made me wonder about those OW/OM who get the MM/MW cold turkey no contact. Like at what point did it sink it you were in NC? hours? days? months? I'm curious I think it would be the most painful breakup ever, just wondering if anybody could explain what it was like and stuff

 

 

I think it's pretty much obvious when one is in NC, from the get go. When xmw told em leave me alone and don't ever contact me, I pretty much figured it out.

[Pierre]

My MM and I connect frequently throughout the day, everyday.... from goodmorning till goodnight. Its been 16hrs since I've last heard from him, I am worried cause thats unusual, but I'm also not contacting him... If he doesnt wan tto hear from me, I'm not going pursue. Any cold turkey NC'ers out there? When did you realize that you were in NC?

 

Thanks!

 

It must be awful to have a relationship where you have so many concerns. Who cares! He is spending the weekend with the family, no big deal. You need to learn to be a low maintenance OW.

[Pierre]

Yes my MM talks to me more than he talks to his BS - it is an emotional connection you see. BS does not need it' date=' I do,!!!. There lies the difference, we know that 17 hours or so is a long time and something is wrong whereas BS would probably not give a ...... about it.[/quote']

 

Please, don't compete.

[LilGirlandOW]

Yes he initiated contact, said he had a problem with his phone today and needed a new charger, apology & blah blah blah.

 

Its just the time lapse had me wondering about cold turkey NC people, not if he and I were going NC.

 

p.s. Pierre, lol, I'm a low mainance woman all round.

[Pierre]

Yes he initiated contact, said he had a problem with his phone today and needed a new charger, apology & blah blah blah.

 

Its just the time lapse had me wondering about cold turkey NC people, not if he and I were going NC.

 

p.s. Pierre, lol, I'm a low mainance woman all round.

 

I know you are low maintenance, sorry.

 

I bet you could also be an amazing wife.

[So happy together]

Sarcasm: It's what's for dinner.