Lolita_Sky Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 So I had been dating this guy I met for a little over a month. He and I started dating not long after my ex and I broke up. He pursued me VERY aggressively in the beginning. He made it very clear he wanted something more than a friendship and even said he would like our relationship to lead to...a relationship. Well I wanted to go about it slowly I didn't want to rush. Well I did in the beginning tell him we should start off as friends first, well the more we hung out and the more he pursued me my feelings for him grew stronger. I confessed to him that my feelings for him go beyond a friendship and I even said I see him as more than just a friend. He felt the same way!! He reciprocatex those feelings! So this is when things go down hill...The week before last he mentioned to me that he believes his best friend may have feelings for him. He hung out with her twice the week of 4th of July. That's when he tells me he believes she has feelings for him because of her interaction with him. He confesses that he did have feelings for her in the past and that those feelings are long gone. I ask him if he has feelings for her, he takes a deep breath...sort of a pause and say no. But I didn't believe it, he hesitated to me, why take a deep breath for an answer you should automatically know the answer to? We hung out the Saturday before last, his interactions with me were different he wasn't affectionate like he normally is. I picked up on it I mentioned it to him and he just said he wants me to be affectionate to him today. Which I always am, so I don't understand what he meant. Any way fastforward to this week we talk every day like usual no talk about hanging out with me this weekend, and then he tells me earlier in the week that he took his best friend to see the very same movie we saw in 3D. He saw it with me in 2D at a crummy movie theater I might add. So he tells me on Friday that him and her were going to Dave and Busters which is an Arcade center here in our local city. Said that she challenged him at a competition of some sort. He knows I love video arcade games and said we shoukd go to Dave and Busters together and he goes with her. He never took me there. I truly believe he has feelings for her at this point so I tell him that I think that we shoukd just be friends. He immediately agrees, no hesitation no deep breathing...nothing. See this is where I made a mistake because I wasn't completely honest with him, I still wanted to be with him but I felt that he had feelings for his best friend. So I just told him I ferl we shoukd be friends. I ask him why he feels we should be friends and his reply is "does it matter?" I reply yes, because i'd like to know, was it something i said and or did, was chemistry lacking? All he replied was that chemistry isn't the issue. That was it. I ask him if he's alright and he tells me very coldly that he's fine. There is a long awkward pause (we're on the phone talking) then he tells me in a very icy voice that he'll talk to me later. Well I don't hear from him until early Saturday morning. All he text me is good morning. He hss text me good morning every morning for a month, so I'm a bit confused because I thought we had agreed to just be friends. I have never text any of my friends early the next morning "good morning" and none of them have ever text me that either. So I'm confused. I reply like normal. He replies a few hours later very briefly. I'm like okay well maybe he is either still upset with me and didn't mean to send me that text or he's just very busy. I message him on facebook to ask if we can chat for a bit. I basically confess my feelings to him and tell him why I said what I said yesterday. He immediately attacks me and claims that I was the one saying one thing and wanting another. I tried to explain to him that wasn't the case and that I only said what I said to because I wasn't sure how he would react to how I really felt. He just says that he wants to be friends. I said that I don't want to be his friends because we never really started off as friends, he pursued me very aggresively in the beginnings. So basically I told him goodbye. Did I do the right thing? I am just tired of never being the girl that wins the guy snd I absolutely refuse to be the floormat for others to walk all over.
sdraw108 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 So basically I told him goodbye. Did I do the right thing? Yes, you did the right thing. He lied to you, messed you around, and then ditched you when he got what he wanted from the other girl. And was quite unpleasant about it too. Don't contact him again. Even if he did show interest in you again, he has revealed his true colors - would you want to date someone like him?
Author Lolita_Sky Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 Yes, you did the right thing. He lied to you, messed you around, and then ditched you when he got what he wanted from the other girl. And was quite unpleasant about it too. Don't contact him again. Even if he did show interest in you again, he has revealed his true colors - would you want to date someone like him? No I do not. I wished him the best and that he finds a good woman. He has been so angry with me these past couple of days. Its like he's mad that I saw right through what he was doing. We never got physical but we connected emotionally which is why I can't bare being his friend. Like I said I wished him the best of luck in life. He never wished or reciprocated that back to me. I feel if he truly wanted me to be happy he would have wished me the best of luck and hoped I find a good man etc. I just think he's fueled by anger right now. I won't play into his games. 2
Author Lolita_Sky Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 He unfriended me on facebook earlier and ristricted my access to just follow him if i wanted to. If he doesn't want absolutely anything to do with me why doesn't he just block me? This shows just how much he cares otherwise if the invitation to being friends was so open, why unfriend me? Why do you men act like you don't care but then do things like this and show your true feelings? Its so immature. Not that I planned on talking to him soon but I figured with a bit of time, maybe a few months (5 or 6 months) down the road we could have became friends. AFTER I got over these feelings for him. Right now I just can't be his friend. But its whatever at this point I don't want anything to do with him anymore.
soccerrprp Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I have learned a lot of things since returning to dating and one of them is that the vast majority of people really don't want to be friends and, in the end, really don't care about the people of their past despite having had some amazing, powerful feelings for their exes. There are people who don't believe that you can be friends with exes. I laugh that. You see, your willingness to be friends is to be commended if that is what you feel can be achieved w/o it hindering your ability to move on. As long as it doesn't become an impediment to your and his social well-being. I has been done and it can be done. Your guy friend never intended to be friends.
Author Lolita_Sky Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 I have learned a lot of things since returning to dating and one of them is that the vast majority of people really don't want to be friends and, in the end, really don't care about the people of their past despite having had some amazing, powerful feelings for their exes. There are people who don't believe that you can be friends with exes. I laugh that. You see, your willingness to be friends is to be commended if that is what you feel can be achieved w/o it hindering your ability to move on. As long as it doesn't become an impediment to your and his social well-being. I has been done and it can be done. Your guy friend never intended to be friends. Well why even say he wants to be friends? He certainly wasn't going to get a physical relationship with me. He didn't want that anyways. He was very respectful of me in that regard. His behavior is confusing. If he truly wanted to be my friend then the invitation to be friends would have remained open, right? I mean that's how I see it, if I was in the same position and I just wanted to be friends I would let them know the invitation is always open. Then again I've always been genuine in the things I've said and done. I even told him I don't hate him and that I wished him the best, that he finds a good woman. Nothing but silence and unfriending for me. I just don't understand all of this anger he has towards me. Its not like I stabbed him in the back or used him. Why does he hate me so much now?
soccerrprp Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Well why even say he wants to be friends? He certainly wasn't going to get a physical relationship with me. He didn't want that anyways. He was very respectful of me in that regard. His behavior is confusing. If he truly wanted to be my friend then the invitation to be friends would have remained open, right? I mean that's how I see it, if I was in the same position and I just wanted to be friends I would let them know the invitation is always open. Then again I've always been genuine in the things I've said and done. I even told him I don't hate him and that I wished him the best, that he finds a good woman. Nothing but silence and unfriending for me. I just don't understand all of this anger he has towards me. Its not like I stabbed him in the back or used him. Why does he hate me so much now? Lolita_Sky, He was trying to make himself feel better. People often extend friendship as a consolation to you for dumping you. He wasn't really interested in developing one. Some people, like yourself, are honest about friendship, but many, many are not. Don't worry about it. Don't over analyze this. You did the right thing. He didn't.
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