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If i lose this girl, thats it for me. we both need a solution

djegets

By djegets
in Long-Distance Relationships

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djegets New Member

djegets

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My SO and I have to meet this august, but as in every LDR there is quite some distance between us. my parents have forbid me to go to her country for 'secuirity risk' so the plan was that she came here. She comes here for me and we both want to spend every second together. My parents once again put another stupid rule: "you can not be with her during the night." so basicly during the day we'd be together and during night she'd be in her hotelroom all alone. We BOTH hate this but my parents are so stuborn it would need more than a miracle to change their mind. Now she says she either comes here and im with her every second or she doesnt come at all. I would mind not staying with her during the night but if its the only way to see her than i happely do it. But for her its all or nothing :(. We both love each other a lot and care for each other so now i am in a horrible situation. I have parents with a stupid condition and a girlfriend that says she doesnt want to come unless im there at night with her too (keep in mind during the day we'd still have all the privacy for anything so its not about that). So i need help, i need a miracle. I love my girlfriend a lot. I made her a ring and everything, and i need to see her. If i lose this girl, thats it for me. we both need a solution :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

How old are you both?

 

Be honest.....

Chris516 Established Member

Chris516

Posted
Posted
My SO and I have to meet this august, but as in every LDR there is quite some distance between us. my parents have forbid me to go to her country for 'secuirity risk' so the plan was that she came here. She comes here for me and we both want to spend every second together. My parents once again put another stupid rule: "you can not be with her during the night." so basicly during the day we'd be together and during night she'd be in her hotel room all alone. We BOTH hate this but my parents are so stubborn it would need more than a miracle to change their mind. Now she says she either comes here and im with her every second or she doesn't come at all. I would mind not staying with her during the night but if its the only way to see her than I happily do it. But for her its all or nothing :(. We both love each other a lot and care for each other so now I am in a horrible situation. I have parents with a stupid condition and a girlfriend that says she doesn't want to come unless I'm there at night with her too (keep in mind during the day we'd still have all the privacy for anything so its not about that). So I need help, I need a miracle. I love my girlfriend a lot. I made her a ring and everything, and i need to see her. If i lose this girl, that's it for me. we both need a solution :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

While your parents' making the rule of no staying with each other, during the night, is one thing. Which is protective in it's own right at your age. Your SO making an ultimatum and putting pressure on you, is totally unfair and unreasonable.

 

Also, Where would your SO get the money to travel to see you?

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
While your parents' making the rule of no staying with each other, during the night, is one thing. Which is protective in it's own right at your age. Your SO making an ultimatum and putting pressure on you, is totally unfair and unreasonable.

 

Also, Where would your SO get the money to travel to see you?

 

It's not unfair and unreasonable from her point of view. She is the one travelling to see him EVERY time. Travelling is probably a huge investment from her point of view because she's likely to not be very rich, and it's also a huge time sink. Now she's not only being the ONLY person to travel, she's unable to spend the night with her boyfriend when she does travel. It's not unreasonable at all for her to decide to stop doing that, really.

 

OP, how old are you? If you can't move out from your parents' place fairly soon, I'm not seeing a good prognosis in this. Sorry. :(

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

Posted
Posted

Why is her country a security risk? Where does she live? Pakistan? Afghanistan? If you are both Muslim it's odd that as a woman from a restrictive country she is free to travel alone.

 

Since you are dependent on your parents, you have no choice but to do as they say. Get a job and move out.

Chris516 Established Member

Chris516

Posted
Posted
It's not unfair and unreasonable from her point of view. She is the one travelling to see him EVERY time. Travelling is probably a huge investment from her point of view because she's likely to not be very rich, and it's also a huge time sink. Now she's not only being the ONLY person to travel, she's unable to spend the night with her boyfriend when she does travel. It's not unreasonable at all for her to decide to stop doing that, really.

 

She made it non-negotiable, essentially killing their relationship.

hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

Posted
Posted

Is this what you want? Someone who threatens to pull the plug anytime she doesn't get her way? Not to mention the fact that she's showing a vagrant disregard for your Parents which doesn't bode well. These are all red flags that this is not the right relationship for you despite but what your feelings are telling you.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

Have you met her before? I'm not entirely clear whether this is the first meeting or if she's come to you before. If it's your first meeting, you're really jumping the gun by getting her a ring.

 

It sounds like you're still rather young...how old are both of you? And where does she live? If you can't move out of your parents' home any time soon and she isn't willing to bend on needing to see you every second, this likely won't work out. I'm curious about your final statement, though - why would this "be it" for you if it doesn't work out?

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
Is this what you want? Someone who threatens to pull the plug anytime she doesn't get her way? Not to mention the fact that she's showing a vagrant disregard for your Parents which doesn't bode well. These are all red flags that this is not the right relationship for you despite but what your feelings are telling you.

 

(it's *flagrant*)....

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djegets New Member

djegets

Posted
  • Author
Posted

about our age: she's 22 and I'm 19

about travelling: This would be first time we see each other and I wouldnt let her travel only.. it would be stupid of me to expect her to do all the work... after this 'first travel' I would go to her the next time etc...

about money: She has money to travel and I work this entire month making 2k so no problems there

about the ring: im not going to engage with this ring, obviously... it would be way too soon.

HeavenOrHell Established Member

HeavenOrHell

Posted
Posted

You've not actually met and yet you're saying that's it for you?!

I'm still here after being left after living with my ex for 2 decades, I love someone else now, so being realistic here and taking the drama out, you'll recover, especially as you've never met her.

Try and put things into perspective here.

LDR's are hard for adults and even harder for young people whose parents still have control over them.

 

My SO and I have to meet this august, but as in every LDR there is quite some distance between us. my parents have forbid me to go to her country for 'secuirity risk' so the plan was that she came here. She comes here for me and we both want to spend every second together. My parents once again put another stupid rule: "you can not be with her during the night." so basicly during the day we'd be together and during night she'd be in her hotelroom all alone. We BOTH hate this but my parents are so stuborn it would need more than a miracle to change their mind. Now she says she either comes here and im with her every second or she doesnt come at all. I would mind not staying with her during the night but if its the only way to see her than i happely do it. But for her its all or nothing :(. We both love each other a lot and care for each other so now i am in a horrible situation. I have parents with a stupid condition and a girlfriend that says she doesnt want to come unless im there at night with her too (keep in mind during the day we'd still have all the privacy for anything so its not about that). So i need help, i need a miracle. I love my girlfriend a lot. I made her a ring and everything, and i need to see her. If i lose this girl, thats it for me. we both need a solution :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
about our age: she's 22 and I'm 19

about travelling: This would be first time we see each other and I wouldnt let her travel only.. it would be stupid of me to expect her to do all the work... after this 'first travel' I would go to her the next time etc...

about money: She has money to travel and I work this entire month making 2k so no problems there

about the ring: im not going to engage with this ring, obviously... it would be way too soon.

 

Calm down, cool it and rein back a bit.

 

Neither of you have brains that are fully formed and totally 'wired up' yet, (see link) so all your decisions are what is known as 'knee-jerk' and emotional, and somewhat premature and IMMature.

 

You need to cool it buddy, you're letting your hormones run away with your common sense....

T3h L337 d00d Established Member

T3h L337 d00d

Posted
Posted

Why do your parents have some much control over you?

  • Like 1
Johnathan New Member

Johnathan

Posted
Posted

I'm assuming you live with your parents still.

 

If so, I say, if its their house, then its their rules. (Even if your GF isn't staying there, if you live with your parents, they still have the right to tell you what you can and can't do) If they don't want to agree otherwise, then I think your only options are to listen to them, or move out.

 

If you don't live with your parents, then I say do what you want. Maybe don't even tell them, its really none of their business.

 

Just out of curiosity, have you met her in real life before? I find it odd that you put so much emphasis on this working out, and I get the impression you have only met online.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
Why do your parents have some much control over you?

This if you'll excuse me, is just a dumb question....

 

I know people in their middle-age who still feel hemmed in, controlled and governed by their parents.

The reasons are legion, and sometimes, it just is the way it is.

It could be cultural, it could be psychological, emotional or simply that the person has no other way of responding.

 

And besides which, it's off-topic.

That's not the issue in question here.....

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