SJ69 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Hi. Me and my girlfriend of 15 months recently broke up, about two weeks ago. It wasn't a bad breakup, but we've been no contact for 2 weeks besides that she texted me about 5 days ago to ask how I was, have casual conversation, and ask about my tattoo, it lasted about 20 mins and ended with her simply not responding. Anyway, she's been on social networking sites seeming to have what is the time of her life, considering she broke up with me because she thought it was best for the long run, wasn't as invested as she used to be, "didn't know who she was anymore", but cried and claimed to still love me and want to be with me but she didn't want to hurt me. But on the sites she's laughing with friends, partying with people she really disliked and made fun of during the breakup, ect, excessive flirting at times also. Well I saw her at a party lastnight and her friends pointed out I was there and she saw me I believe and we actually coincidentally ran into each other while she was walking out and I was walking in. Well pretty much immediately she just got her keys and left claiming she would be back but never came back. I caught up with some of her friends that I've known for awhile and one asked if I missed her, I said yes but left it at that and said I wasn't talking about it anymore. After that, her bestfriend said my ex wanted her to leave as well and she did and that was that... What does this mean? Why immediately leave? We have no problems from what I thought, she left me, out having a great time it seems loving her freedom, so why be immature and leave?
iouaname Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 People get weird after breakups -- it's unexplainable. I have had kind of the same issue, I got broken up with but for some reason my ex became resentful of me, even when I did nothing to him. It's almost as if they expect us to just stop existing after the breakup so that they don't have to feel guilty. Maybe she was hoping you would be more hurt/more desperate when she messaged you that day?
Author SJ69 Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 I wasn't hurt or depressed because I tried for two days straight after we broke up to get it back and she would say "I told you I needed my space, leave me be." So I let her be and she texted me 5 days ago as I mentioned. I get that breakups can get weird, that was the first time I've seen my ex am that was my very bestfriend, in 2 weeks but I wasn't awkward at all even when people came up to me and asked if we still dated, things that I expected these people to know since she hangs out with them. When she left it just caught me off guard because why leave? I was there to have a good time the same way she was.
Kamila Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 She left you and she made that decision. That is the problem, she's the one that made the decision to leave you. She's hurt and can't bear being around you. You were together for 15 months. That will take time to get over. Now about you being there everytime she calls, I wouldn't be too available, she needs to understand you are broken up and that you can't bandage her wounds of the break-up. You need to take of yourself also SJ69.
Author SJ69 Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 It's just hard because she's sending mixed signals in a way but refuses to contact me to talk about anything. If she still wants to get together and not hurt, she should just say so instead of leaving the party and masking her pain with the new people she's around and such. She's really so confusing and I don't want to walk away and leave her without knowing for sure she is done and feels no more types of way but I also refuse to wait around and give her the satisfaction of knowing I'm still there. After all, she is the one that left me. I fought hard for 2 days and I don't even know if she did want to be together, if she would even tell me. Why would her bestfriend ask me that?
oberon84 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Feel for you man. Sometimes there's just no making sense of a situation. Your ex wanting to know if you miss her will be for her own ego. If you're all of a sudden cool with the relationship being over she may feel a bit bruised by that. It might not necessarily be that she wants to be with you, but wants to know that you still want her. It's messed up, it's confusing and totally irrational. I think if you keep on going in the direction you're going you'll be fine. oh and her looking happy on facebook might be a facade. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Here's how you need to look at it. You're both young. She wants to date others and ended your relationship. You need to disappear from her life. No contact with her at all. Don't reply to her emails, texts or calls. You need to move on and find someone else. Like the other poster said, she wants you to continue to show interest in her and cushion her from the breakup. By going silent and avoiding places she may be, you're WORRIED ABOUT YOU AND YOUR healing. Do you really want this girl back? What would keep her from dumping you again after the new honeymoon is over? Not much.. You're better off getting over her and finding someone new. Her loss.
Author SJ69 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 The problem is, that was my bestfriend. We are both each others first love and there's not one thing that we don't know about each other, I don't want to lose that but with her acting as if things are ok, she obviously doesn't care. Every party I would be at, she would be also because of our mutual friends. Her birthday is also the 24th, should I text her happy birthday? I don't want her to think I'm here forever because I'm not but I don't want to lose her as a friend and she's sensitive so I don't want her to think I don't care about her either. But I REFUSE to ever stick around and wait or let her feel like I'm still here because I'm not.
Kamila Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Like I said, you need to take care of yourself now. You're your own best friend right now. Don't text her. Maybe in the future, you guys could rekindle over coffee or something. Maybe as friends. But right now, that isn't possible. If you still hang out, the situation will remain mixed and you'll delay further healing. In the beginning it's very hard to go no contact on the one you trusted the most,loved, confined into almost everything. It's almost as a part of you is dying. Really. But the relationship is over. The bound you had with her has been severed. She left you because she had doubts. And you will also have doubts because she decided to end your relationship, which will damage your trusting relationship further on. It's scary to be on your own, but you'll learn more about yourself, your independence.
Spoonss Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 If what you say is true, and you really want to be her friend. You have to get over her fully before that can happen. If you dont and keep in touch while you still like her it will just hurt you man. That is my advice. Nothing wrong with saying happy bday though thats it
aloneinaz Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 You can't be her "friend" while you're still emotionally invested in her. She wanted to break up, give her what she wants. Disappear from her life. Go NC and ignore her texts, calls or emails.. Look, the relationship is over. The sooner you do this, the sooner you'll move on with your life and to a new relationship.
flitzanu Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 The problem is, that was my bestfriend. We are both each others first love and there's not one thing that we don't know about each other, I don't want to lose that but with her acting as if things are ok, she obviously doesn't care. Every party I would be at, she would be also because of our mutual friends. Her birthday is also the 24th, should I text her happy birthday? I don't want her to think I'm here forever because I'm not but I don't want to lose her as a friend and she's sensitive so I don't want her to think I don't care about her either. But I REFUSE to ever stick around and wait or let her feel like I'm still here because I'm not. no. you do not text her happy birthday.
Recommended Posts