TheSnugglyElephant Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Hello everyone! I kind of have a unique situation that I haven't seen on this site so far, this is my first post so I'm a little nervous. I'm sorry in advance for the long post. So basically my ex and I were best friends for 2 years before we got together and once we figured out that we had feelings for each other, we dated and made sure it was going to work for 3 months before we decided to officially get together and we were together for 2 more years. We were working long distance the entire 2 years and it didn't really bother us until the last few months of our relationship. We ended up losing our friendship because we lost our means of communication(technical problems) and since that was what our relationship was founded on, it really hurt us and we mutually decided that we needed to end things for now. We did try to fix things but instead of actively trying, we both ended up getting really busy with our personal life considering he is working full time and going to school full time in order to do his dream job. We ended up seeing each other a week after the break up and had the best conversation that we've had in a long time, we just sat on a bench and talked for 4 and a half hours without any awkward breaks and he told me he still loved me but I could also tell he was perfectly fine with the break up and wasn't hurting over it at all. After that, we were on pretty good talking terms, we ended up talking on skype a few days later for about 2 hours and established that if we gained our friendship back, then there is a possibility of us getting back together and he told me he didn't think he necessarily needed space and didn't mind us talking at all. We always said we wanted to keep each other in our lives. But my problem now is that he hasn't been starting any of the conversations and I'm getting the impression that he really isn't wanting to talk to me as much. I thought maybe I should let him start some conversations now but am afraid that he's not going to. We had a very happy relationship, it was just the noncommunication with long distance that ruined things, it wasn't anything having to do with our personalities or compatibility. I'm basically wondering if you all would think that NC is the best way to go in this situation, I'm obviously not over him and won't be for a long time, but I feel more like we should work on things with each other rather than without each other, especially on the friendship. And how can we gain that friendship if we aren't talking? p.s. I have already come to terms with what went wrong with the relationship and have been through it over and over again and talked with him about all of that. I know what I've done wrong and what I could fix and already feel like I'm ready to start working on it, maybe not get back together, but work on getting there. I just don't know what to do, I'm still so upset.
lessica Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 For your sanity, I would do no contact until you can talk to him again with no attachment. From what I have observed is that when things fall apart in a ldr, it happens very quickly, and there is little anyone can do. I am sure you can have a friendship with this person once you have healed a bit yourself, but until then your associations with talking to them will be on a romantic level- and that may be painful for you. I know it is really really hard, but I don't think you should put yourself through anymore unnecessary hurt with this. Try your best to not think about it and get on with life. From what I gather you can be friends as soon as it stops hurting. Luck
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