OhanaMan Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Hi guys. Brand new here. I would just like to basically vent because I don't really want to tell my personal friends. You might not agree with what happened, but I would apreciate it. My wife 23 and I 25 have been together for almost 5 1/2 years. We, like everyone, had our ups and downs. I proposed when we were together for 3 years. We both have always had trust issueswith eachother at year #4. Nobody was cheating, we just werent being the same people, but we knew we didnt want to be with anyone else. All of a sudden, my fiance started getting really distant, didnt pay me any attention or affection. We felt like roommates. I am an exercise physiologist and I was in the process of transferring from one club to another. Hurricane Sandy pushed back the final construction 4 months (of course after my last day at the previous gym). I could feel her slipping away. I always told her how much I love her, pay her compliments, everything I could to try and reel her back in. Now she started going out at night with her friends to a bar in her hometown. She started coming home late, very quiet, and felt odd. I tried to bring up how things were and all we did was argue. I was working in other gyms owned under the same owner to atleast make some money. By August we were arguing constantly but would make up. Sleeping on a pullout couch while we save for our apartment wasnt the most comforrable situation. Eventually, one day, I snapped. I received a text from a girl I knew before my fiance. It was just small talk. She asked how my relationship was and vice versa. Turns out we had the same issues with our significant others. We agreed that maybe we should just make an arrangement to fullfill eachothers needs, no emotions. At first I wasnt sure if this is what I wanted To do. I took the plunge and did it. I felt great, like I didnt feel before. I felt immediate guilt. I told the girl that I was done. I tried to make things right with my wife because although she didnt suspect cheating, she found texts in my phone from her We came to ammends and within the next week she started working doubles. And I didnt even hear from her at all during the day. Throughout the next few months we had speculations about eachother. I realized that for better or worse I wanted to be with her, so I reproposed and told her that the first proposal wasnt fair because I wasnt fully comitted. This was around December. I stopped talking to any girl that texted me and changed my phone number. Wedding planning was stressful but things were actually getting better day by day. We were married May 17th. Everything was getting better and better. She told me that she has been selfish and that she is happier when she makes me happy. Yesterday, I saw that a number was constantly on the phone bill from her phone. She said she had no idea. I said that it didnt make sense. Thats when she broke down and said it was a coworker that would constantly text her a few months back. He knew who I was and I asked her what he was saying. She said nothing its about work stuff. She took a big breathe and said last year he would say inappropriate things to her constantly. I asked her how she responded she eventually said she would flirt. After much arguing throughout the night, eventually, she admitted last year they used their hands and mouths at work. She works in a nursing home. And met 2ce at his house and had sex. My, now wife, was crying but I wasnt yelling or arguing. I asked whats wrong. She said she has felt guilt since it ended and I wanted to tell you but I didnt know how. I watched as my wife cried like I have never seen her cry before. I could feel the remorse as she dropped down to her knees. I asked how long did it last. She told me from August - Jan. I asked her calmly why? She said that since I was temporarly working and making not a lot of money, she got nervous about our future. She said I was scared of marriage but I knew I wanted to do it, but I wasnt 100%. She said she ended it because she knew what she wanted. Her coworker would listen to her talk when there was something going on with us. He used my fiance to get sex. I know this because when I spoke to him, he asked if I thought this is the first time hes done this...he said "im human". I self medicated through the night to I guess numb the pain. When she woke up I sat next to her and confessed that I spoke to 3 girls. I made out with 1, talked to 1, and had sex with one. Were either of us right? No. Heres where I get fuzzy. I told her that it was sheerly physical, but she explained that her time with him at work and texting and everything for 6 months. This is the part I dont get. I was trying and trying to give her love and attention but she refused it. We said to eachother we were both wrong, but we are going to make this work. We spent theday together and Iit was actually very nice. We both agreed we felt something we havent felt in a long time. We actualy slept in the same bed. She went right to sleep and as I closed my eyes all I could see was him doing stuff to my naked wife. I know this is a hard to follow story, but I needed to vent and open the floor for comments.
drifter777 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 What a f'd up story. If you don't have kids it's not too late to divorce and go your separate ways - something to consider. If you want to stay together you should know that those images of him screwing her and her blowing him are not going to go away any time soon. She is going to have her own issues with your cheating ass as well so get ready to pay the piper for what you have done. It sounds like you want to at least try to reconcile so the first thing you both need to do is stop screwing other people! Then start marriage counseling and see if this being married thing is right for you guys.
Darren Steez Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Hi guys. Brand new here. I would just like to basically vent because I don't really want to tell my personal friends. You might not agree with what happened, but I would apreciate it. My wife 23 and I 25 have been together for almost 5 1/2 years. We, like everyone, had our ups and downs. I proposed when we were together for 3 years. We both have always had trust issueswith eachother at year #4. Nobody was cheating, we just werent being the same people, but we knew we didnt want to be with anyone else. All of a sudden, my fiance started getting really distant, didnt pay me any attention or affection. We felt like roommates. I am an exercise physiologist and I was in the process of transferring from one club to another. Hurricane Sandy pushed back the final construction 4 months (of course after my last day at the previous gym). I could feel her slipping away. I always told her how much I love her, pay her compliments, everything I could to try and reel her back in. Now she started going out at night with her friends to a bar in her hometown. She started coming home late, very quiet, and felt odd. I tried to bring up how things were and all we did was argue. I was working in other gyms owned under the same owner to atleast make some money. By August we were arguing constantly but would make up. Sleeping on a pullout couch while we save for our apartment wasnt the most comforrable situation. Eventually, one day, I snapped. I received a text from a girl I knew before my fiance. It was just small talk. She asked how my relationship was and vice versa. Turns out we had the same issues with our significant others. We agreed that maybe we should just make an arrangement to fullfill eachothers needs, no emotions. At first I wasnt sure if this is what I wanted To do. I took the plunge and did it. I felt great, like I didnt feel before. I felt immediate guilt. I told the girl that I was done. I tried to make things right with my wife because although she didnt suspect cheating, she found texts in my phone from her We came to ammends and within the next week she started working doubles. And I didnt even hear from her at all during the day. Throughout the next few months we had speculations about eachother. I realized that for better or worse I wanted to be with her, so I reproposed and told her that the first proposal wasnt fair because I wasnt fully comitted. This was around December. I stopped talking to any girl that texted me and changed my phone number. Wedding planning was stressful but things were actually getting better day by day. We were married May 17th. Everything was getting better and better. She told me that she has been selfish and that she is happier when she makes me happy. Yesterday, I saw that a number was constantly on the phone bill from her phone. She said she had no idea. I said that it didnt make sense. Thats when she broke down and said it was a coworker that would constantly text her a few months back. He knew who I was and I asked her what he was saying. She said nothing its about work stuff. She took a big breathe and said last year he would say inappropriate things to her constantly. I asked her how she responded she eventually said she would flirt. After much arguing throughout the night, eventually, she admitted last year they used their hands and mouths at work. She works in a nursing home. And met 2ce at his house and had sex. My, now wife, was crying but I wasnt yelling or arguing. I asked whats wrong. She said she has felt guilt since it ended and I wanted to tell you but I didnt know how. I watched as my wife cried like I have never seen her cry before. I could feel the remorse as she dropped down to her knees. I asked how long did it last. She told me from August - Jan. I asked her calmly why? She said that since I was temporarly working and making not a lot of money, she got nervous about our future. She said I was scared of marriage but I knew I wanted to do it, but I wasnt 100%. She said she ended it because she knew what she wanted. Her coworker would listen to her talk when there was something going on with us. He used my fiance to get sex. I know this because when I spoke to him, he asked if I thought this is the first time hes done this...he said "im human". I self medicated through the night to I guess numb the pain. When she woke up I sat next to her and confessed that I spoke to 3 girls. I made out with 1, talked to 1, and had sex with one. Were either of us right? No. Heres where I get fuzzy. I told her that it was sheerly physical, but she explained that her time with him at work and texting and everything for 6 months. This is the part I dont get. I was trying and trying to give her love and attention but she refused it. We said to eachother we were both wrong, but we are going to make this work. We spent theday together and Iit was actually very nice. We both agreed we felt something we havent felt in a long time. We actualy slept in the same bed. She went right to sleep and as I closed my eyes all I could see was him doing stuff to my naked wife. I know this is a hard to follow story, but I needed to vent and open the floor for comments. You're a cheater sir, but at least you were sort of honest about why you did it. I call BS on the reasons why she cheated..you weren't making alot of money, you were scared of getting married blah, blah, blah Look you most likely knew what was going on when she withdrew affection and the constant arguing and coming home late. But one wrong does not right another. Fact is you both didn't confess out of the goodness of your hearts. Normally I'd say divorce but that's not life is it? If you guys decide to R, it's going to be a very long road indeed, one were issues on both sides will need to be overcome, and you both will have to be honest with yourselves..can you do it?
Betterthanthis13 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I'm so sorry you are going through this. This story breaks my heart. Neither of you sound like remorseless, entitled jerks out to hurt the other person. Just two mixed up kids. I don't have a lot of good advice for you on the steps you need to take in order to fix this mess and reconcile, and build your marriage back up. I'm sure other posters who have done that can point you in the right direction for some resources if that's what you want to do. If you want to divorce, and start over, you both learned a life lesson the hardest way possible. I feel for you and I am sorry for your pain. If I had a time machine I would lend it to you so you and your wife could go back and talk to each other and work out your problems together before looking outside the relationship for comfort, be it emotional or sexual. It's just too easy these days for this type of stuff to happen. Our culture is saturated with media messages that cheating is not that big of a deal, it's a sexy and fun way to escape your problems...how are 23 year old newlyweds supposed to have a chance in this society? Whatever you and your wife decide to do, I wish you the best, you have a long road ahead of you. Best of luck and sorry again for your pain.
Author OhanaMan Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Just an update. My wife and I are trying to work out our relationship. We keep trying to get it through our heads that it was over 6 months ago and it was before we were married. I do agree that both of us were not trying to be malicious or anything. We just had unclear minds. After talking, I got the full story. We were having issues, financial, security, and trust. Her "mantress" who is almost 10 years older than her did what any dispicible man would do. He told her everything shr wanted to hear and repeatedly reminded her of her issues with me. Over time it seems "the grass is greener on the other side". I am a guy, I know how that works and I know my wife (fiance at the time) and how he made her feel. My biggest thing is he did this while at work (Hes an LPN). I finally gotnin touch with him and he repeatedly told me "its over move on" "I did what i did because im human" "youre being arrogant and small minded". It seems her feels no remorse and doesnt seem to accept how ****ed up he was to do that. My wife is looking for a new job as we speak. When she leaves I am so tempted to write a letter to their boss and let them know what kind of people (including her) were working there.
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