Azguard Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Hi all, im new to the forum, and in all honestly this is not something I would normally do. but I feel I really need help and a collective of impartial opinions from people such as yourselves might help me move forward. A Brief History: I have been with my wife now for 8 years, married for 6. we have 3 children together, 2 girls and a boy. I have been suffering with a major bout of depression for about 5 years which has had a huge impact on my relationship with my kids and my wife. I think if anyone with depression is honest about it they would agree that it is a very selfish illness. it causes the person to analyse every situation with a 'how does this affect me' attitude and a constant cloud over ur heads. I neglected my wife, at points I was unkind and angry. never physically but verbally I was horrible at points. eventually things got so bad that she gave me an ultimatum, sort it or get out. a fair request. when I finally sunk so low I was considering drastic action she dragged me to our local crisis team and long story short my depression does not rule me any more. it is always there, im not sure I will ever be rid of it completely but it is under control. my biggest problem came after, when I stopped looking at every situation with a selfish agenda, I realised just how horrible I had been. I was mean to my children, I was horrid to my wife, now depression is overtaken by incredible guilt and regret. If at all possible I hate myself more for my actions. logically, I know depression is a chemical imbalance, an illness that is incredibly hard to overcome. but it doesn't stop me beating myself up all the time. this coupled with me gaining weight, and my wife beginning to socialise with other men is driving me crazy. for the first time in my life I can say with absolute certainty that I am incredibly insecure. after all, I put her through hell, why would she stay loyal to me? my wife is a beautiful woman, caring, intelligent, and the best mother I've ever known, and I know she deserves better than me. we are again back to breaking point because I cant stop feeling this way. without realising at the time, im becoming controlling, and suspicious of every little thing. I don't know what to do. I cant do right for wrong, she doesn't believe a single word I say and has a way of reading more into what I've said. im concerned that for all my efforts to become the person she deserves she will never forgive me, she will never love me like I love her, she refuses to offer me any emotional reassurance, even when she says she loves me, its never unprompted, its always in reply to me saying it first. and the only time I get any physical contact, (hugs, kiss etc.) is when I ask for them. Im the only one left fighting and every time she refuses to fight for us it fuels my insecurities all the more. I don't know what to do so I've come searching for some pearls of wisdom from u guys. any advice, and perspectives on this would be greatly appreciated. I don't trust my own views any more, I've let myself down on this too often.
darkmoon Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 (edited) "this coupled with me gaining weight, and my wife beginning to socialise with other men is driving me crazy"...become a slim Jim, fat people are not always attractive, my two cent do not be conned by the myth that pasta/bread/potatoes are perfectly okay just have a little, even a bit of sugar to pep you up is very fattening, btw, cut out salt, the diet industry do not want slim, them there would be no customers, ask on the fitness board here there are some real health-freaks in a complicated subject I am just a dieter who has to be strict as a lifestyle or I get fat round my gut Edited July 15, 2013 by darkmoon
NGC1300 Posted July 18, 2013 Posted July 18, 2013 do not be conned by the myth that pasta/bread/potatoes are perfectly okay just have a little, even a bit of sugar to pep you up is very fattening Horrible advice. What is "fattening" is maintaining a caloric surplus. Carbs and sugar have never been the problem. Every cell in the body requires a steady supply of glucose (sugar). 1
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