alex007 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 So I broke up with my gf the other night for not being grateful and being selfish and not showing much love or appreciation for me.... she told me sorry and she Is working on things and that if i change my mind let her know. This was the first time someone has broken up with her.. I called her the next day saying I was sorry for over reacting and that I accept her opology and that I wanted to work things out and get back together she said she wants to work things out but does not want to jump straight back into things and that she wants to go slow. She has not been contacting me much and has been doing family stuff that she always invites me to (bbq tonight, movies last night) without me. I told her I wanted to talk about things today and she said prob not but if she has time tonight then maybe but maybe tomorrow also. Basically the breakup was because I didn't feel she cared much... now this...am i over reacting? Should I just move on? Work things out? I just wanna hear what others think about this.
Echo000 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 for you to break up with her because of a lack of appreciation and love on her part is a big deal. Those are legit things. It takes time for someone to feel that way- to get to the point where you feel unappreciated and unloved. So what i dont get is why, after finally breaking up with her, you immediately get back in touch with her the next day? And why are you now pursuing her? I dont get it, you broke up with her. How is she going to change if she knows you are right in her back pocket? You did so well, then played the fool and got right back in touch with her...breaking up with her only to be the powerless one now. You need to back away, stay out of touch. let her come to you, let her show you she is willing to show you love and attention and appreciation. And if she stays away as well, that says it all. You can move on. 1
AllTooWell Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Instead of having open communication where you expressed your feelings to her, you left her instead. Her telling you she wants to go slow shows that she is hurt and trying to be careful. You need to look at this as day 1 of your relationship (because it is). Would she have invited you to those family events the first day you were together? Probably not. But at the same time she is also showing that she isn't that interested in talking and fixing the issues you guys were dealing with. You were only broken up for 1 day, that is NOT enough time to really reflect and learn from your relationship in order to reconcile and have a successful one. Do you really think that the issues in your relationship have magically been solved? I don't think either of you are dealing with the real problem. The saying "the first breakup doesn't stick" is what comes to mind here. Don't be overly pushy, play it cool, and wait for her to talk to you. It takes two people to make a relationship work and you seem to be trying to fulfill your side. Her turn. 1
SimonSerenade Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 If your going to walk away at least mean it, she acts the way she does because she knows your going to be around anyway, why should she have to try if you'll always stand by her and take it?, you had your reasons to walk away from her and went back on your words because you weren't strong enough to hold your ground, how can you expect her to take it seriously if you can't take it seriously?, I know that sounds harsh but it's true, I was in the same situation so I'm just giving you my experience, don't wash your morals down the drain like I did.
Author alex007 Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 Alright thank you everyone for your advice and input. I found It very helpful. I am going to back off and see If she wants the relationship as much as I do. I wont contact her I will just let her do all the pursuing now. I only went back on my word because I thought It was a strong thing to do to just man up and get over our conflict, not only that but try to resolve things in a mature manner and see If this can be resolved and move forward. I thought I was being the bigger person here and not running away like a baby. Thanks all.
JDPT Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Stop having her treat you like a puppet. We suggested before that it wasn't the best idea to contact her, I can only suggest again let things be, NC, make wiser decisions.
drake13 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 You did the right thing Alex, she knows you care, I agree with what Simon said however I would advise you not to back off, be there for her and give her stability, ask to talk things out maturely and apologise for leaving, the problem may be that she feels you are doing the same to her, women can be insecure when it comes to situations like this, some act out this way because of it, get her side of it first and if she needs space, stand back and let her come back to you when she is ready to talk, be a good guy but don't be the guy who puts everything in to the relationship and has nothing to show for it, take some time to reasses your relationship and don't do anything rash, good luck.
Zahara Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 This is the woman that was in the sauna chatting with another guy and you walked in and asked her if she was ready to leave, whereby she told you to leave and shut the door? If so, you've established yourself as a doormat instead of a bigger person. 5
JDPT Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 This is the woman that was in the sauna chatting with another guy and you walked in and asked her if she was ready to leave, whereby she told you to leave and shut the door? If so, you've established yourself as a doormat instead of a bigger person. Absolutely agree.... This is very difficult as is, don't lose your dignity in the process man.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Alright thank you everyone for your advice and input. I found It very helpful. I am going to back off and see If she wants the relationship as much as I do. I wont contact her I will just let her do all the pursuing now. I only went back on my word because I thought It was a strong thing to do to just man up and get over our conflict, not only that but try to resolve things in a mature manner and see If this can be resolved and move forward. I thought I was being the bigger person here and not running away like a baby. Thanks all. A strong thing? You did basically the weakest thing possible.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 You did the right thing Alex, she knows you care, I agree with what Simon said however I would advise you not to back off, be there for her and give her stability, ask to talk things out maturely and apologise for leaving, the problem may be that she feels you are doing the same to her, women can be insecure when it comes to situations like this, some act out this way because of it, get her side of it first and if she needs space, stand back and let her come back to you when she is ready to talk, be a good guy but don't be the guy who puts everything in to the relationship and has nothing to show for it, take some time to reasses your relationship and don't do anything rash, good luck. This is terrible, terrible, terrible advice. This girl is basically playing the OP like a puppet and you want him to apologize to her? He had legitimate reasons for breaking up with her -- he just didn't have the stones to see it through and emasculated himself further in the process. 2
lessica Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 It is hard to know what the real dynamic is here... But, if you break up with someone, for whatever reason, you should mean it. It seems to me like it backfires big time. And yeah, not meaning it just gave her a lot of power, you'll get treated like puppet unless you act like you aren't one.
Author alex007 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Well I left her alone all day today, She said "Hey" to me today and asked if I still wanted to meet up to talk or no? I told her "No, I agree I want to give you your space, and stop bugging you, Hope you have a good day off of work" and the said "Alright, thank you. Its been good how is your day?" I said "My day has been pretty good! thanks" and she said "good" and I didn't message her... 2 and a half hours later she writes "There are things that I think we need to compromise on but that's not impossible. There are more positive attributes to our relationship then there are negative. I would like to spend some time together soon to talk and possibly work out what's going on." everyone's thoughts?
aloneinaz Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Until you get your balls out of her purse, you need to stay away from her for a while. Sorry that sounds harsh but she's playing you like a piano. Your original complaint about her not caring or spending time with you are HUGE signs that her interest in the relationship was slipping. Your instincts were probably right. What would change if you met and reconciled? She's not giving you any attention right now when you're relationship is in trouble. If it was important to her, she'd back burn everything to spend time with you to fix it. She's doing just the opposite. 2
xilver Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 So I broke up with my gf the other night for not being grateful and being selfish and not showing much love or appreciation for me.... she told me sorry and she Is working on things and that if i change my mind let her know. This was the first time someone has broken up with her.. I called her the next day saying I was sorry for over reacting and that I accept her opology and that I wanted to work things out and get back together she said she wants to work things out but does not want to jump straight back into things and that she wants to go slow. She has not been contacting me much and has been doing family stuff that she always invites me to (bbq tonight, movies last night) without me. I told her I wanted to talk about things today and she said prob not but if she has time tonight then maybe but maybe tomorrow also. Basically the breakup was because I didn't feel she cared much... now this...am i over reacting? Should I just move on? Work things out? I just wanna hear what others think about this. She sounds like she is hurt from you breaking up with her and now her guard is up. In a way she wants to make you feel her pain so she isn't going to run back and jump into your arms so easily. She is going to make you work for it. I guarantee you will keep feeling like you did when you broke up with her though. You have to get to the root of the problem if you want it to work out. Even then when you find the problem it may not be something that you or she is willing to change or accept. Good luck.
Echo000 Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 people rarely change..and if she wasnt showing you love and affection when you were together she wont suddenly show it to you now or if you two get back together. It wont change. If you are okay with that (which clearly you werent) then continue on and try to be with her. Just know that you will be returning to the same situation.
Simon Phoenix Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 people rarely change..and if she wasnt showing you love and affection when you were together she wont suddenly show it to you now or if you two get back together. It wont change. If you are okay with that (which clearly you werent) then continue on and try to be with her. Just know that you will be returning to the same situation. It'll almost certainly be worse now. She knows for a fact now that she has him by the balls.
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