Life update, it does get better

[mfleck91]

I haven't been in here for a while, I guess that's a good thing. I'm here to tell everyone who is still struggling that it does get better.

 

I graduated an moved back home with my parents, I made myself go out of my comfort zone, started working out, an increased my hours at work.

 

I suddenly began getting a lot of female attention, something I never experienced before. Random women would approach me and tell me that they thought I was attractive. This led to me getting several numbers and going on a handful of dates.

 

I got into fighting for sport, Brazilian jiu jitsu to be specific and also started a weight training regiment. I've been planning my career and keeping myself busy in general.

 

I went out with four different girls, but nothing clicked, but then something happened. While working one day I got into a conversation with a customer. She was attractive and was interesting to me, so I mustered up my courage an asked for her number. To my surprise she happily gave it to me. We went out on a date that went great, she was the first girl I dated so far that I wanted to kiss at the end of the night, and I did.

 

I spent 2 more nights with her and her family, something I could never do with my ex because she didn't get along with her family. This new girl, she is very close to her family which is important to me. She is a lot of things my ex wasn't, in a good way.

 

We clicked instantly, and just this last Tuesday I aske her if she wante to make things official, and she was more excited than I can explain. I was up front with her too, she knows about my rough breakup, my ex, an the psychological wounds I sustained. I told her I do still have healing to do, but she is happy to help me through it. This girl is amazing.

 

My point is I know where you all are right now, go back and read my posts from just a couple months ago. If you actively try to better yourself, things will get better. YOU CANNOT SIT AROUND AND EXPECT THINGS TO CHANGE. Put in the effort and it pays off. No contact DOES work if done properly. Focus on you and you will be amazed the improvements you make.

 

Like me, you'll wonder why you let someone who cared so little for you hurt you so much. You will not recognize yourself eventually.

 

Best of luck to everybody, I know your struggles, an I know they can be overcome.

[maturityassets]

I always knew you could do it man! I'm more than happy to hear your confidence has come back! I've done the same and its great. Best of luck man, you deserve it =)

[lop98]

Awesome update! really happy for you, I've followed your story all this time and like maturityassets, I knew you could do it. I relate so much to the last part you wrote... I am right now in easily the healthiest relationship I've ever had, every single aspect of it is so amazing that even though the pain of a few months ago was very real, it's hard to believe it was all for someone that was worth so little.

[groupergirl]

Congratulations, very happy for you!!!!! Keep up the good work and don't look back, maybe just a peek or two but that is it, full steam ahead and smile while you do it.

[mfleck91]

I would be happy to talk to anyone and give advice over situations. I've dealt with lying, deceit, the end of a long term relationship, unfaithfulness, sexual issues, etc. so I've handled a lot, all of which I'd be willing to give insight on if someone wants it.

[Talulah]

I haven't followef your story but I am very happy for you!!! Im still on the anger phase, but I'm gettin there. It really stuck out eith me what you said about caring so much for someone who cared so little for you or mattered so little. Good job

[Steve11]

I really want to believe I'm better off without her, but I can't.

 

I'm 7 days NC at the mo, but I'm on the verge of breaking it

[mfleck91]

I really want to believe I'm better off without her, but I can't.

 

I'm 7 days NC at the mo, but I'm on the verge of breaking it

I went through that pattern. I would go 10 days NC an then usually break down. I would try to contact her or "check in" on her, but what I found was never savory.

 

I didn't believe in no contact, I wanted closure. Well I'm sorry to say there is no such thing as closure, in time you'll become ok with that. When I finally figured this out I felt good knowing that she wasn't going to hear from me, because she didn't deserve to hear from me.

 

In my mind I told myself that me not talking to her would bother her, whether that's true or not it helped me stay focused.

 

I erased her from my life completely. No pictures, no Facebook, no texts or calls, nothing. I only talked about her if I needed to vent, but other than that I wouldn't bring her up.

 

I don't know the details of your breakup, but if you have anger, I doubt that will go away anytime soon if ever. I still have anger towards my ex after 6 months, if I saw her I would have nothing nice to say. But I think the goal is to make sure that the anger doesn't affect the rest of your life, which for me it no longer does.

 

Trust me, stuck to NC. Whatever excuse you come up with to convince yourself to break NC, ignore it, you know you're only fooling yourself. You may not believe it now, but if you stuck to NC, hard as it may be, in a few months you'll have made huge improvements.

 

If you have any specific questions or want more advice feel free to private message me.

Best of luck man

[Exitleft]

I really want to believe I'm better off without her, but I can't.

 

I'm 7 days NC at the mo, but I'm on the verge of breaking it

 

Please don't, it will only hurt you. Where is Tara?

[richard9]

This post really gave me hope!! Awesome post mate!!

 

Really hope im in the same position as you one day! Gym and martial arts helped me also. I just need to find someone who I click with as you did. Which I find really difficult because they will never be the same as my ex.

 

Thanks!!! And really wish you luck with the new girl, sounds like things are coming together for you :-)

[Sweett]

I would be happy to talk to anyone and give advice over situations. I've dealt with lying, deceit, the end of a long term relationship, unfaithfulness, sexual issues, etc. so I've handled a lot, all of which I'd be willing to give insight on if someone wants it.

 

Congrats to you!!! I hope my peace comes soon like yours. But i doubt it :-(

[marqueemoon4]

Good work dude.. keep it up!