Minority Men and the idealized "White" Woman

[SingOutLoud]

Yes, I am talking about race, specifically racial dynamics in dating. None of that "OmG but we'RE in the 21st centuriezzzzz, race iznt a problem anymoar, we shud aLL bE coLORbliND!!!111" bullsh*t.

 

Okay, so after seeing thread after thread across the web on this particular subject (read the title), I have a few concerns that I want to address. Being a minority female myself, and having similar issues with a past ex, I'll admit that these are some of the things that I've grown to be insecure about.

 

Firstly, am I now to assume that almost every minority male (Black, Asian, Latino, etc.) out there secretly, deep down, wants to be with a white redhead, white blonde, white brunette, etc., more so than any other female physical phenotype?

 

Furthermore, when I do go back to dating in the future, must I check every minority male that I come across to see if they subconsciously idealize/fetishize "white" features (i.e. a certain color hair, eyes, skin type, etc.)? Must I also check to see if they would get even the slightest ego boost if they were given the chance to date a "white" woman, which would partially expose their inferiority complexes?

 

How about the minority males who claim they "don't date white women", but it's simply because they don't think they have a chance with them and complain about not being able to "get" one? (Umm, hello, "white" women are women, just like the rest of us. Their race doesn't automatically make them more special than the rest of us, just like being an Asian woman doesn't make you more special than the rest of us.)

 

Are white women secretly flattered by all of this adulation, in both the real life and online dating world?

 

I also find it odd that some minority men claim that they are not attracted to women of their own "kind", ethnicity, race, etc. I don't know about anyone else, but how can a person look at an entire group of people and automatically deem every single one of them as "unattractive"?

 

Then there are things like internalized self-racism, the pedestaling of "white" females in television and movies, colonial mentality, etc., that are all probably major contributing factors to this, but I'm not going to go into too much detail in the OP.

 

I want to try to stay away from these kinds of people as much as possible, but it seems like its going to be so hard, given the history of "white" ideals in America, and the overwhelming amount people that seem to buy into them.

 

And it's like, I'm open to dating anybody, and I certainly don't have a "type" (if I personally find him totally attractive and likeable, ka-ching!), but I don't want to fall into the trap of dating a White male who, deep deep down, views me as some "exoticized" sexual ideal or "something to try out", and I don't want to fall into the trap of dating a minority male who views me as "safe" and who, deep deep down, would be more ecstatic to be with the redhead, blonde, brunette, blue/green eyes, milky pale skin, etc. And honestly, in cases like this, it doesn't matter how "intelligent", "deep" or "not that superficial" the man claims to be.

 

Sorry, I'm just so frustrated. MAKE IT STOPPPP.

Edited July 13, 2013 by SingOutLoud

[Revolver]

The vast majority of black men are attracted to, prefer, and end up Having long term relationships with black women. Look on primarily black sites and see the women they post on there.

 

This idea that the reason some black or any minority men don't date out is because they "can't get white women" is offensive.

[USMCHokie]

Firstly, am I now to assume that almost every minority male (Black, Asian, Latino, etc.) out there secretly, deep down, wants to be with a white redhead, white blonde, white brunette, etc., more so than any other female physical phenotype?

 

You could flip the "Man" and "Woman" in the thread title and you'd still be accurate.

[Hermaeus Mora]

Oh, not this **** again!

 

 

Not all minorities prefer white women. Most prefer thier own race. Whenever someone does happen to be with a white woman, everyone makes a huge deal out of it.

 

Asians make up only 4.8% of america

and blacks only 12.6%

 

why can't they go outside that small percentage

 

 

OP you are so ignorant...

 

 

If someone in your own race dates you, its not because they are just being safe* they could truly be interested in you.

Edited July 14, 2013 by Hermaeus Mora

[Roadkill007]

If someone in your own race dates you, its not because they are just being safe* they could truly be interested in you.

 

 

or they could have a certain racial facial feature fetish (now that's a tongueful, eh?)

 

 

OP, I'm sure there are some who date outside their race for the thrill and exoticism, but I've known enough happy interracial couples to know most of the time that's not the case. The types you're worried about are the types who likes to bang a certain racial group but have no intention to bringing any one of that racial group home to meet the parents, and honestly, as long as you keep your wits about you, you'll see it coming a mile away, so don't worry too much.

[Emilia]

Are white women secretly flattered by all of this adulation, in both the real life and online dating world?

No because I know it's not about me but what I represent to that person. It feels very strange to be fetishised and I don't like it.

Then there are things like internalized self-racism, the pedestaling of "white" females in television and movies, colonial mentality, etc., that are all probably major contributing factors to this, but I'm not going to go into too much detail in the OP.

This is my theory yes.

[ltjg45]

The vast majority of black men are attracted to black women.

 

True enough.

 

The vast majority of black men prefer black women.

 

Hmm...

 

I don't know about that.

 

The vast majority of black men end up Having long term relationships with black women.

 

What? That can't be true. It doesn't take much for an all-out war to start among blacks down here especially during a marriage.

 

Black marriages happen often but long-term? That sounds like winning the lottery. I see more black/white long-term couples than 2 black long-term couples.

 

Black marriage is taking quite the massive success rate overall when compared to other races. Soon enough, it will be too rare to consider it being normal anymore. We are good for a ton of short-term fun though, I will give that but long-term? Yeah. Black man/Black woman marriages doesn't work out the majority of the time since both sides lose their tempers way too easily to solve any form of somewhat major problem.

Edited July 14, 2013 by ltjg45

[joystickd]

 

Then there are things like internalized self-racism, the pedestaling of "white" females in television and movies, colonial mentality, etc., that are all probably major contributing factors to this, but I'm not going to go into too much detail in the OP.

 

Isn't it a possibility that they actually like that person and find that they have a lot in common with them? It's not always about self hate and influence of movies and television

[SingOutLoud]

You could flip the "Man" and "Woman" in the thread title and you'd still be accurate.

 

I knew that someone would bring this up, and that's another issue altogether. But that's not what's being discussed here.

 

 

Oh, not this **** again!

 

 

Not all minorities prefer white women. Most prefer thier own race. Whenever someone does happen to be with a white woman, everyone makes a huge deal out of it.

 

Asians make up only 4.8% of america

and blacks only 12.6%

 

why can't they go outside that small percentage

 

 

OP you are so ignorant...

 

 

If someone in your own race dates you, its not because they are just being safe* they could truly be interested in you.

 

No, no, no, you're taking the OP completely out of context. Please give it a thorough read, again, and try to understand.

 

 

No because I know it's not about me but what I represent to that person. It feels very strange to be fetishised and I don't like it.

 

Yeah, it really doesn't feel good. I'd prefer that a person fell for my personality and my features exclusively above all, not because of a fetishized, fake "idea" of me.

 

 

Isn't it a possibility that they actually like that person and find that they have a lot in common with them? It's not always about self hate and influence of movies and television

 

Well, of course it's a possibility! But, come on, let's not pretend that the other possibility isn't a common one, something that a lot of us might not be aware of due to its subtlety.

Edited July 14, 2013 by SingOutLoud

[joystickd]

Well, of course it's a possibility! But, come on, let's not pretend that the other possibility isn't a common one, something that a lot of us might not be aware of due to its subtlety.

I can acknowledge that may factor in but environment factors in more also. The thing is it's hard to know what's going on in someone's head. For example I am black and have never dated a black woman. The crazy thing was from the time I was interested in girls all the way to 25 no matter how horrible the rejection or whatever situation happened I stuck with black women. I got depressed about my situation with women but I stuck with trying to date black women. When I first got interest in a woman that wasn't black I brushed it off and thought it was something wrong and that I had to figure out why. I did a lot of things and had interests that weren't the "norm" for black people like I'm a closet metalhead. I went to an HBCU hoping I could get the thoughts of dating outside my race out of my head and kind of normalize myself so I could fit in more. I regret going there. I graduated and was still a virgin and never had a girlfriend. I started working and I met a white woman. She was interested in me and I felt weird about it at first but then I said go ahead and talk to her. It felt very great to find a WOMAN that was interested in me. I reflected on my experiences and realized if I hadn't been felt an obligation to date exclusively black women maybe I wouldn't have experienced what I experienced so late in my life. I haven't attempted to date a black woman since. i have talked to may other types of woman.

[Eve]

I'm not really bothered about race so much as who the person actually is. I have been out with different races prior to my marriage.

 

I agree about the internalised self-racism angle. That's messed up but predictable.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[joystickd]

I'm not really bothered about race so much as who the person actually is. I have been out with different races prior to my marriage.

 

I agree about the internalised self-racism angle. That's messed up but predictable.

 

Take care,

Eve x

I tend to disagree with it

[mesmerized]

You could flip the "Man" and "Woman" in the thread title and you'd still be accurate.

 

Not true. My experience shows that unlike common beliefs, men are actually MORE racist when it comes to dating. Not when it comes to who they **** but when it comes to who they actually date.

[Woggle]

People in general tend to idealize what is exotic to them.

[joystickd]

I can acknowledge that may factor in but environment factors in more also. The thing is it's hard to know what's going on in someone's head. For example I am black and have never dated a black woman. The crazy thing was from the time I was interested in girls all the way to 25 no matter how horrible the rejection or whatever situation happened I stuck with black women. I got depressed about my situation with women but I stuck with trying to date black women. When I first got interest in a woman that wasn't black I brushed it off and thought it was something wrong and that I had to figure out why. I did a lot of things and had interests that weren't the "norm" for black people like I'm a closet metalhead. I went to an HBCU hoping I could get the thoughts of dating outside my race out of my head and kind of normalize myself so I could fit in more. I regret going there. I graduated and was still a virgin and never had a girlfriend. I started working and I met a white woman. She was interested in me and I felt weird about it at first but then I said go ahead and talk to her. It felt very great to find a WOMAN that was interested in me. I reflected on my experiences and realized if I hadn't been felt an obligation to date exclusively black women maybe I wouldn't have experienced what I experienced so late in my life. I haven't attempted to date a black woman since. i have talked to may other types of woman.

Does my explanation make me a self racist?

[Eve]

Does my explanation make me a self racist?

 

Only you know yourself. I certainly wasn't making reference to your post. Honestly. You haven't ranted about hating your own race, like some do. That is what I find sad and would say is internalised self-racism. Hope that clears that up.

 

My H is white and I am black but idk, I just love him. I don't really see race. I just see people. ****ing hate racists though but I have to calm down about all that. I've decided.

 

My daughter calls white guys who are after black girls just for sex, 'brown chasers'. Well, something sounding like that. She can spot them a mile off now.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[hotpotato]

First of all, I'd like to say that dating between blacks and whites isnt that common, esp compared to Asian women and white men.

 

I'm a minority woman who has caught a lot of flack for dating out of my race. IMO its mostly minority women who get really really caught up in the interacial thing. In fact, I'd say women in group are the ones who denigrate dating out of the race then fantasize about Tom Cruise. Really. Ive seen this.

 

I've had these people tell me time and time again no white man will marry me, only sees me as a fetish object, etc. Truth be told the problems I have are not related to my race. Most of the white men I've dated have been dating black women, asian women, and latinas for a long time.

 

Really it seems like its black women as a whole have the biggest inferiority complex..And this is coming from a black woman...

 

There are black men who do like or even prefer white women. There are black men who prefer black women/Asian women/etc.

 

Then there are men who prefer women who have vaginas.

[hotpotato]

 

 

And it's like, I'm open to dating anybody, and I certainly don't have a "type" (if I personally find him totally attractive and likeable, ka-ching!), but I don't want to fall into the trap of dating a White male who, deep deep down, views me as some "exoticized" sexual ideal or "something to try out", and I don't want to fall into the trap of dating a minority male who views me as "safe" and who, deep deep down, would be more ecstatic to be with the redhead, blonde, brunette, blue/green eyes, milky pale skin, etc. And honestly, in cases like this, it doesn't matter how "intelligent", "deep" or "not that superficial" the man claims to be.

 

(

 

If a white guy is just experimenting, it's usually pretty obvious. They give themselves away fairly quickly.

[Teen20girl]

I know I don't count in this thread. But honestly I prefer ethiopian and Indian girls much more than white girls don't gets me wrong I still like Caucasian girls like middle eastern and Southern European girls but they're definitely not my favorite tbh.

[USMCHokie]

Not true. My experience shows that unlike common beliefs, men are actually MORE racist when it comes to dating. Not when it comes to who they **** but when it comes to who they actually date.

 

Hmmm, dating preference = racist?

[Eve]

I can only conclude that it probably comes down to how much traveling a person has done. I tend to to see the whole person, not the race because I have met so many different people.

 

Beauty to me is not based only on looks. Classic notions of beauty are rare within the human race as a whole.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[joystickd]

Really it seems like its black women as a whole have the biggest inferiority complex..

I 100% agree with this.

[hotpotato]

Not true. My experience shows that unlike common beliefs, men are actually MORE racist when it comes to dating. Not when it comes to who they **** but when it comes to who they actually date.

 

I totally disagree. We can use the black community as an example.

 

Many black men date whoever they think is attractive regardless of race.

 

Many black women are very hung up on dating only black guys (although this is changing).

 

I guess the exception would be far east Asians.

 

Maybe I just cant relate. I'm a black woman living in the south. Never had a problem attracting white men, as long as they knew I was 'into' white men.

 

I've never thought of men as picky about sexual partners. It seems mostly like being anatomically correct gets you in the door.

[salparadise]

Then there are men who prefer women who have vaginas.

 

Yea, I have a color preference... pink

 

While there may be a few identifiable trends (most are merely assumptions), none of it matters a whit at the individual level. If attraction is there date the person, not the race. It's kind of amazing that people generalize, analyze, proselytize and criticize what they perceive to be unfairness or disadvantage... and all they're doing is revealing how preoccupied THEY are with matters of race!

 

How could you possibly relate to an individual of a different race, or allow them to relate to you, if all you see is your own generalized assumptions that you've decided apply to all people of a certain color?

 

The solution is to quit doing that and acknowledge that every individual is a unique combination of characteristics, attitudes and interesting little quirks.