Good few weeks NC! X

[Helen A]

Good few weeks NC on my part now, I've had a good few tweets sent to me and I haven't answered, I haven't sent any messages.

I've done my best to avoid any meet ups and it's been almost three months now. Only his W has messaged me and said shed like us to have a barbecue soon it's been too long etc etc.

my head is still all over the place with this. I don't think I can avoid them any longer now and I miss his W.

I'm not sure what to do, does this ever go away do you get over it?

[Goodbye]

Good few weeks NC on my part now, I've had a good few tweets sent to me and I haven't answered, I haven't sent any messages.

I've done my best to avoid any meet ups and it's been almost three months now. Only his W has messaged me and said shed like us to have a barbecue soon it's been too long etc etc.

my head is still all over the place with this. I don't think I can avoid them any longer now and I miss his W.

I'm not sure what to do, does this ever go away do you get over it?

 

 

Good for you for moving on. I believe it would be quite unrealistic to continue any time of friendship with the W. Not only is it just strange (I mean, that is one heck of a secret you'd be keeping from her), but it keeps the tie to the exMM alive.

 

I think you should just block him (them) completely.

[zevahc]

Wow, that would be tough. In my case there was no dday also, so finding a balance where people don't notice the friendship with xMW is dwindling just is taking time...but it's getting there....quicker than I thought.

 

I think you have to cut ties or it will be hard on you...maybe you can come up with some other reasonable excuse...

[Clemenza]

Congrats on holding your ground with NC! We all know how tough it is, but I do find it's an interesting sense of accomplishment when you're able to go about your day and not have contact with your AP.

 

I was the OM in my situation, who also happens to work in the same office as the MW. She and I talked on the phone 16 days ago. I told her a bunch of things that were on my mind, and I felt so much better. Like I had nothing left to say, and decided after we hung up that it was just time to move on. We've had NC since then because I've been working from home. I've taken steps to make working from home a permanent thing. We haven't even seen each other in over 5 weeks.

 

After the conversation 16 days ago, she said she wanted to talk again after she gathered her thoughts. If she wants to, I'll listen. If not, that's fine. It's her choice. But all this LC, and 2 weeks of NC, has been tremendously helpful. It's helped to put things in perspective, and it's given me a sense of peace. I feel like the distance has equipped me with strength and perspective that I didn't have a couple of months ago. It's why I think I'd be ok if I decided to hear her out, should she want to talk to me.

 

I hope this NC/LC can do the same for you. Take advantage of it. Get your individuality back. It's so empowering to start moving on from a situation with peace and perspective. I'm glad you're on the road to doing that.

[Artie Lang]

i think a slow detachment is what you're looking for.

 

it might be difficult not socializing with them, but it's for the best.

 

 

for sure, this is gonna come to a head at some point. that's where you have to be strong and stand your ground. if you truly want your marriage to work there are sacrifices to be made.

 

question is..... are you ready to make them?

[Helen A]

I'm still annoyed about the way that he messed with my feelings and has just acted as if nothing happened.

Tbh I'm so sick of thinking about it all, the whole thing.

He didnt care about me at all, and that still bothers me.

Why would this bother me so much when this was only texts/chats nothing happened?

[LimeBlue]

I'm still annoyed about the way that he messed with my feelings and has just acted as if nothing happened.

Tbh I'm so sick of thinking about it all, the whole thing.

He didnt care about me at all, and that still bothers me.

Why would this bother me so much when this was only texts/chats nothing happened?

 

I do not know your entire story, but from your post here it seems you and I are in a similar boat. I am battling with the loss of a dear friend. He decided to cut off talking to me as it was 'killing him'. We also only had contact via text/chat. Nothing happened. Yet it hurts so much I have not made contact, even though I find myself looking at my phone hoping he will text me. I am tired of getting close to people, only to get dumped like a hot cake.

[anne1707]

But something did happen Betsy. You had an affair.

 

Apart from NC, have you done anything to help you get past this? Are you still wanting to reconcile with your husband? If so, what have you done to work on your marriage? This is all relevant Betsy because you need to work on the future and not wallow in the past if you are to move on from this.

[BrookeM]

I have not made contact, even though I find myself looking at my phone hoping he will text me. I am tired of getting close to people, only to get dumped like a hot cake.

 

I'm doing the same thing, no contact yet I look at my phone constantly. I too am tired of opening myself up and letting my guard down only for them to give me a reason why I never should have.

[BrookeM]

Great job Besty for no contact on your part! High five!

 

I understand where you are. I don't know your entire story, but I also knew my xMM's W. I wasn't "friends" with her but we knew each other. I was supposed to help her out with something but after MM and I broke it off, I decided not to contact her to make the arrangements for that. Too painful. And when you're talking to her, you're ultimately talking to him as well. I would say just keep going and do what you need to do to keep him out of your life. Communicating with the W will only draw you back in.

[whichwayisup]

Good few weeks NC on my part now, I've had a good few tweets sent to me and I haven't answered, I haven't sent any messages.

I've done my best to avoid any meet ups and it's been almost three months now. Only his W has messaged me and said shed like us to have a barbecue soon it's been too long etc etc.

my head is still all over the place with this. I don't think I can avoid them any longer now and I miss his W.

I'm not sure what to do, does this ever go away do you get over it?

 

Why take it a step further and block him from your tweets? Delete him this way you won't see what he has to say. Doing NC isn't only not responding to him, but it also means visually too. Just because you're not responding doesn't mean those messages aren't affecting you. There is unwanted contact by him and maybe you're still getting something out of that. Delete and block him on your twitter.

 

Good job though and keep going!

[LimeBlue]

I'm doing the same thing, no contact yet I look at my phone constantly. I too am tired of opening myself up and letting my guard down only for them to give me a reason why I never should have.

 

That's the part that bothers me the most - I let my guard down, I let this person in, I was there through all his tears, and it wasn't an affair, just what I considered a genuine friendship. Clearly I was wrong. Again.

[Helen A]

That's what bothers me too how he just brushed me off Like I was nothing.

Obv I was nothing to him why bother messing with my head in the first place. He still annoys me tho like he's got no consideration he send me a silly tweet at any time it was 12pm Friday night not really saying anything just rubbish. Think he wants to just be friends n forget anything happened.

That does suit me now tho as I think I'm much better ive seen what a batty person he can be. Am working towards deleting twitter but don't want an issue. I don't reply these days tho whereas before I'd have had to.

 

Anne, I still don't think I had a proper affair. We spoke about having one bit we didnt have one. What am I doing? As I said to you before just making much more effort, talking more instead of texting him, paying more attention to my life instead of living in a crazy fantasy etc.

 

My hubby and his W have arranged a BBQ for next sat.

I'm calm. It's been a good while now I think I can deal with it,

I don't want him anymore, not like I did.

[Helen A]

Nasty I meant not batty.

[anne1707]

You have to recognise at some stage that this was an EA. I think in your first thread you said you may be in love with him. Also the fact that he is contacting you at such anti social times shows that this is not a 100% over relationship. Are you really sure you are up to the bbq with it not having any impact on your feelings? Based on the things you have said in this thread, I would have to say you are far from ready to end NC.

[Helen A]

I think it was an EA. yeah I did think I was in love with him it was a little bot obsessive how long we'd text for and stuff. It's not normal behaviour I wouldn't act like that in a normal relationship anyway?

I guess I'm not over it Anne I do like him but I realise that he's nasty and I don't want to do it/etc anymore. I'm definitely not going to do anything.

I wonder why he sends me these random tweets yet doesn't want to speak to me anymore. But really I don't want to text him anymore I don't want to get further into it and go into a PA. I'd rather leave things be and get on with my own life. It's all weird innit.

[anne1707]

I am not convinced that he does not want to continue the affair hence the tweets. However I am also not convinced that you would not want to continue the affair either. Your reasons for not doing so are all based around the way he has "ended" the affair, not about how you decided it was not right or wanted to commit yourself to your marriage.

 

I can see it all starting up again very easily. Possibly at this bbq you are planning to have.

[LimeBlue]

I agree with what Anne has said. If you are serious about NC, then rather do not attend the BBQ. Feign illness if need be, because seeing him may either make you feel worse, or it may make you feel great - which indicates your feelings for him. I am still NC, still hurt, and mine was not an affair of any sort, but I can well imagine how I would be feeling if it had been. I have a number of reasons to contact him, but I am avoiding it at all costs and am working those points out via alternate routes purely to avoid making any contact. If you are able, do the same because you have said he is nasty, what more would you want with him?

[Helen A]

Anne, oh no. The barbecue would have our kids, so deffo no funny business and I don't want anything to happen now honestly. Too much has happened now.

I did always realise it was wrong all along it just happened.

I'm not over it though but what can I do ?

[anne1707]

You cancel the bbq. You are still too emotionally caught up in all this. Just because children are there does not mean things won't be said or looks exchanged. The exOM tried to play those games with me for months after dday.

[Helen A]

Anne don't shout.

We have just had a long text messaging conversation, all kept tidy, where I asked him everything I wanted to know so I can have closure on this.

He said he doesn't feel it's weird that we are all friends he never wanted this to be weird between us, he thinks of me as a good friend. He did want to go through with it but it just wasnt going to happen.

He's glad it didnt if it would spoil our friendship.

I've told him there will be nothing filthy in my messages / Etc that it's done I'm done with the questions and it's all ok now.

Though I feel hurt I just said that not too look stupid.

I don't intend to message him one to one ever again and ill never bloody do this again, stupid cow.

What did he do to you Anne? I know you say thread isn't about you but I'm interested.how did you decide you didnt want him anymore did you love him? X

[LimeBlue]

What did he do to you Anne? I know you say thread isn't about you but I'm interested.how did you decide you didnt want him anymore did you love him? X

 

I constantly ask this question to myself, about others. How do we decide that these men are really not what we need and want?

[findingnemo]

Lime, it can be confusing. Society has conditioned women to accept some form of suffering in love. We subconsciously believe that love should be a struggle of sorts...at least at some point. So we accept things as wives, lovers, OWs.

 

First, how do you know if he is what you need? Make a list of the things you need. I'm sure it will include peace, calmness, loyalty, reliability, etc. does he give you what you need? Does him being in your life give you peace? Make you calm? Can you rely on him? If not, then you definitely don't need him.

 

Then make a list of what you want in a man. Honesty, integrity, shared values, etc. Is he honest? Does he have integrity? So you think cheating is okay? And would it be okay if a man cheated on you? If the answers are more no than yes, then he is not what you want either.

 

You can still love him. We love the most messed up people sometimes. Or he could just be a normal human being with flaws. Yes you love him but do you really need him? Do you even want him?

[anne1707]

I didn't shout Betsy and I am offended that you said that. Fact is I just say things you don't want to hear.

 

Anyway you have now well and truly broken NC thus you have ignored the good advice given to you by many posters and proven why we were concerned that this was not over for you.

[Helen A]

Oh don't be offended - I meant that in a jokey way. I've enjoyed talking to you.

I have broken NC on the reason that his wife text me and I got the impression he felt awkward that we were meant to be going to the BBQ. So I said I was going to txt his wife and make an excuse. He then told me that he wants me to come we will have a Gud time, we'll always be friends. I sed I feèl that its a bit weird he said that its not weird?

You guys are right tho NC is the way to go. I can't talk to him by texts one to one anymore it's wrong and sets me right back but I feel that in time we càn stay friends.

I am now not Sure that he wants to end it but rather he wants me to message him first all the time as he sed oh let's chat on my iCloud ad my battery is low bit remember not to message me at home on this. I said I won't we're done now with the crazy messages etc. I think he'd continue this shud I do all the chasing,

But no, I made it clear I am done. I really am. I'm worn out and I want my old life back just me my hub n my little one I want to stop thinking bout this.

Anne you didn't answer my q's ...x