TheBestisYettoCome Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Hey. Thanks for all of the posts, it's been such a huge help over the last 3-4 months. My ex gf ended things on march 27th and strung me along until the end of May with the I miss you, I struggle with whether I made the right choice stuff and it made the last two months extremely painful. I put my heart out and she responded with wanting to open a new chapter of her life and all that. She's been seeing someone else for a while so I asked her to give me a year or two before reaching out again. That's where I am asking for some advice: I was on day 15 of NC and opened my computer to a friend request on Facebook. Needless to say she must know how much I was hurt over the end of a 3.5 year relationship and I really have no idea what makes her believe that I want or need to see what she is up to. I started a blog to really work on becoming the best version of myself and made my privacy settings public so there really is no need for her to be friends to check up on me. I'm just letting the request sit right now and don't know if I should say that I really can't be friends with her for a long time or that it's really selfish for her to do something like that. I asked her to block me on social media when I decided to go NC, but of course she didn't do it. She hasn't called/texted/sent out a smoke signal and I'm glad. I just don't know why someone would be so careless about another person who was so supportive and loving. My question is whether I should politely say that I really can't be friends with her or if I should just burn the bridge now by blocking her, which is far outside of my character. Any suggestions on how to proceed would be great.
vascularity Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 YOU asked her to block you? That's your responsibility, man, and the sooner you block her, the better. She'll see the change if she tries to visit your profile, and it'll make a strong impression, trust. It can be hard to close avenues of communication when you still want to resolve things someday, but that's what the core of NC is all about: if they want to resolve things, they know how and where to reach you, and anything short of that are breadcrumbs - noncommittal, guilt-appeasing behavior that doesn't bring you any closer together than you are now. 1
Author TheBestisYettoCome Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 (edited) I know you're right. It's probably just the last tiny thread of hope =). It wasn't a messy break up so it's hard for me to do it, and I don't want her to know how much she still affects me. For anyone who is really suffering to cope like I have, I would suggest writing. I started writing and it's helped me as much, if not more than, all the insanity workouts I've done. Edited September 2, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
maturityassets Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Ok nothing to to fear, you are not alone in this. Same thing happened to me. I initiated full NC, a month after my break up. 13 days later I see a friend request my ex even though I stated I needed some time. I had the same initial reaction as you, I had my settings set to "Friends of Friends" to be viewed so she could still see it whenever she wanted to and so I did not respond to the friend request initially. Let me tell you now, that friend request will haunt you and bother you if you let it. I started posting something all the time on Facebook; nights out, days at amusement parks, the beach, concerts and etc. After a while all I felt was nausea, constantly wondering whether she was checking what I was doing and I felt out of character because I was posting things a lot more frequent than normal to show I'm living my life to the fullest (never any obscure but obvious statuses saying "my life is awesome" but just photos of the days I was out). So I couldn't handle it anymore after a month, so I disabled my Facebook for 3 weeks. In that 3 weeks, I really re-cooperated and got my head on straight. I thought about blocking her but I thought that was so out of character for me. Then I decided to do something I couldn't turn back from, and I made that decision because I had change my outlook to one of getting back together to one that I just don't care anymore. I accepted the friend request to get it over and done with. I did put her on a restricted list as well because I wanted to make sure I wasn't posting anything as before, with the hope she sees them all. Also as well I removed her and her friends and family from my news feed so I couldn't see anything she posted or tagged in to avoid relapses. So look, its going to take a lot of will power to ignore that friend request. And being that your profile is public you will have to question are you just posting things on your own accord or are you living a life as a facade to get your ex back. So I acted in the best way I could. I stood true to myself, while having to sever that tie as well, regardless of what she thought about it. Because It was time for me to move on. 4 months later..... I'm in a new relationship and I have moved on for my own sake and I work out and feel like a man again due to doing things best to my desires. Ball is in your court man. Only you know your abilities and limitations to live for yourself. Good luck
Author TheBestisYettoCome Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 You are absolutely right about being haunted by it. Have been for the last 24 hours. I accepted and immediately blocked. She doesn't use Facebook anyway so it's not a big deal. It's time to cut that last thread and I feel awful and proud and good and so sad having done so.
Recommended Posts