SkyWheel Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 (edited) We broke up almost two months ago. Both cried our eyes out. He wanted space and time to sort himself out. He just finished his undergrad degree. Neither of us woke up expecting it to end that day. He'd been stressed the last semester of his degree. He told me he loved me as we were breaking up. He said that he wasn't happy in general. I don't know how much we played into that. We're largely long distance. I talked to him two weeks after the split and asked about the chances of us getting back together. He said that he just needed time and space. I asked if there was someone else. He said no and I trust him on that. Throughout the process of him getting his degree, I could tell the stress of the schoolwork was taking its toll on him. The last semester he would distance himself when he felt like he had too much homework to deal with. During our last conversation, he said "I don't feel anything. I guess that's the problem." He was comforting me a couple nights before his graduation (we knew my dog was dying) and told me that he tries not to feel sadness/process bad emotions. This struck me as incredibly unhealthy and I told him as much. Over the last couple years, there have been events where I'm almost sure he's bottled stuff up and that can't be healthy. Since he asked for space, I've been out of contact. It's been over a month and a half. Would it be such a bad idea to text him something like "How are you?" or even "xyz happened at work, thought you'd find it funny." I want to give him that space, but I can see him bullying himself into never coming back. Our last verdict was, "I guess we'll see how the summer goes." I couldn't get him to give me a deadline. We were together nearly 4 years. Days before we were talking about moving in together. Could it hurt to contact him? Edited July 13, 2013 by SkyWheel
Simon Phoenix Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Yes it could. It could hurt you when he either a) ignores it or b) doesn't reciprocate in the way you want to. Or even worse, he could string you along and have you constantly questioning and overanalyzing anything and everything. A month and a half isn't that long. You shouldn't think of contacting until you are completely confident that you can handle any response (or non-response) without falling into a negative cycle of emotionality and overanalyzation. Once you think you are at that point, then wait a month to make sure it holds. There's no rush on these type of things. In the meantime continue to be active and work on yourself. 4
aloneinaz Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 I totally agree with Simon. It's also important to point out he used a lot of the classic break up lines with you. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't even consider risking a break up where you could meet and sleep with others. If I'm in love w/someone, that's the LAST thing I do. I've ended most of my long term relationships. When I did, I was no longer in love with them and felt it was best for them to find someone to love them the way they deserved to be loved.
Author SkyWheel Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 I'm trying to start moving on to some degree. It totally sucks because the ldr portion of us began due to his degree. I told him during that last conversation that, "I think this'll make us stronger as a couple in the long run." He said, "I hope it will." He sounded incredibly depressed during that entire conversation. I'm hoping that the time apart will help him clear his head and reevaluate. I pray he wouldn't just try to let me down gently. I don't know. He's sounded depressed to some degree for a while. Not about us, but school.
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