JDPT Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Coming out of a 4+ year relationship, I was the dumpee roughly 1.5 months ago. I've been very diligent with regards to being dedicated to moving on and absolutely NC for this period of time. I find myself in hindsight analyzing the past relationship and arrive at the conclusion every single time that she was the one. I ask myself how I could have lost such an amazing person, educated, beautiful and above all so kind hearted. I was made feel as if I was the problem in the relationship. Some of her arguments were that I completely lost interest in her and that I in other words was not the same person I was when we first started. I'm not certain that that's 100% as it takes two to make the relationship work and I can say the exact same about her. She was always busy at work, I was busy with work and school and honestly didn't have the time to spend with each other anymore. And when we did we essentially did absolutely nothing. It wasn't like before when I would take her out to dinner or to the park which is something she enjoyed so much, so I do take responsibility for that. What amazed me the most is the abrupt break up, or perhaps no so abrupt. We got into an argument one morning that really irritated me and we decided not to speak for 3 weeks, I didn't contact her neither did she. I finally decided to send her an email after 3 weeks of not speaking for us arrange a meeting but to my surprise she stated that I left her, wished me the best and essentially said we were done. I was completely shut down. After many attempts I managed to get her on the phone which turned into a screaming match and that was our "goodbye" At this point I respect her decision but for some crazy reason still have hope that something may be worked out months from now when all the dust settles, or maybe I'm just being delusional, any thoughts will be greatly appreciated.
Echo000 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 i know you comment on my stuff and maybe you want to hear from other people, but i will give my advise anyway. You need to accept that its over. That she left, that you probably feel this pain a lot more than she does. Until you accept its over for good, that hope will corrode your insides. Let her go. Block her completely. You dont want to hold onto this. Especially if things werent great at the end. Because realistically, there probably is not something good to return to, even if you could go back.
Author JDPT Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 This hope feeling occurred recently, I believe the more I tell myself how "perfect" she was the more I'll lean towards thinking it's ok to contact her and try to work something out. I must remain calm and in control and know that as you mention it will not be the same.
aloneinaz Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 You need to let that relationship rest in the logs of history. You guys had a good run but it's over now. Contacting her again will only open your wounds up and set back your healing. She's not contacting you either so obviously wants to move on as well. Trust me, your ex wasn't perfect. You're just lonely and have too much time to think about her and make her something she wasn't. I'm greatful my ex was such a bitch the last three months. That's all I can visualize in my head now. You need to move on and find someone else. I started dating after 2-3 weeks. I've gone out with 7-8 women since. I liked and dated one for a couple of weeks off/on but she wasn't for me. I met another one last Saturday that I've seen 5 times as well. I like her a lot. She's better looking, has a better body and reminds me that there are plenty of women who are MUCH better than the so called perfect ex. 2
Author JDPT Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 You need to let that relationship rest in the logs of history. You guys had a good run but it's over now. Contacting her again will only open your wounds up and set back your healing. She's not contacting you either so obviously wants to move on as well. Trust me, your ex wasn't perfect. You're just lonely and have too much time to think about her and make her something she wasn't. I'm greatful my ex was such a bitch the last three months. That's all I can visualize in my head now. You need to move on and find someone else. I started dating after 2-3 weeks. I've gone out with 7-8 women since. I liked and dated one for a couple of weeks off/on but she wasn't for me. I met another one last Saturday that I've seen 5 times as well. I like her a lot. She's better looking, has a better body and reminds me that there are plenty of women who are MUCH better than the so called perfect ex. You are absolutely right, very lonely and way too much time to ponder. I need to pick myself up and get moving and keep busy.
lessica Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I agree with aloneinaz. There are billions of girls in this world.. and some of them will be much more 'perfect' for you than your ex. I'd try to just think of the thoughts that fill you with hope as just your mind playing tricks- because I think in reality we know there is more out there. Loneliness does pretty good job of attaching us to someone. I have always been a bit of a loner, constantly moving cities in my youth and never really settling down. When I met my ex we moved a lot together, he became my 'home'. And without him I feel empty. Probably will for so long. But I think that loneliness aspect will keep those thoughts haunting me for awhile. On the other hand, the last few months together were horrible, I mean torture for me. So much so that I had to cut back to part time at uni. So now, even so fresh out of the relationship I feel relief more than sadness. It really scares me that even now I am thinking if he wanted to work it out, I couldn't do it. I think that as long as you keep considering the reasons for you having the feelings you do for her then it will be easier to know the thoughts to trust. 3
Author JDPT Posted July 14, 2013 Author Posted July 14, 2013 I agree with aloneinaz. There are billions of girls in this world.. and some of them will be much more 'perfect' for you than your ex. I'd try to just think of the thoughts that fill you with hope as just your mind playing tricks- because I think in reality we know there is more out there. Loneliness does pretty good job of attaching us to someone. I have always been a bit of a loner, constantly moving cities in my youth and never really settling down. When I met my ex we moved a lot together, he became my 'home'. And without him I feel empty. Probably will for so long. But I think that loneliness aspect will keep those thoughts haunting me for awhile. On the other hand, the last few months together were horrible, I mean torture for me. So much so that I had to cut back to part time at uni. So now, even so fresh out of the relationship I feel relief more than sadness. It really scares me that even now I am thinking if he wanted to work it out, I couldn't do it. I think that as long as you keep considering the reasons for you having the feelings you do for her then it will be easier to know the thoughts to trust. It's very interesting that when she dumped me I felt liberated, as if I was for the first time taking charge of my life, finishing school, working and everything else that comes along with life. I felt as if she did me a favor and my burden was now gone leaving me the opportunity to do as I please but that joy only lasted so long, loneliness lead to missing her and putting her back on the pedestal to idolize her and view her as "perfection". I think maybe is because I never had a gf with her qualities that makes this process just a bit more difficult and makes me second guess myself on a daily basis. Today was a rough day but managed to make it through. I think is time to get back to basics and starts taking steps towards what worked then in order to get some of my sanity back.
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