Salem Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 I posted about my irritable boyfriend on the general board, but I wondered ... how do you go about distancing yourself from someone if you still live in the same house? How do you find the privacy you need to distance yourself if they're following you around like a puppy (either ragging on you or being affectionate like they didn't just **** all over your cornflakes the night before)? In my situation the main problem right now is that he's super crabby all the time, but as I come upon others' stories I realize I've been avoiding a lot of issues with him. I went out of town last summer for 4 days and the second day I was gone he put up a one-night stand wanted ad on adultfriendfinder. When I found that I wanted to kick him all over the place, but in the end when I saw that he never checked the ad or did anything with it I dropped it thinking it was just curiosity or he wanted to get in to see the naked pictures people post. Since then I've been living with the thought of this in my head almost every day, but he denied it even when faced with proof and now acts like it never happened. He's done some other vulgar things too, mostly when too drunk at a party (embarassing me or himself, hitting on a girl occasionally, and he called me a nasty name once and refused to come home with me and made an ASS out of himself at a wedding). So ... though it looks horrible written out, these incidents were rare enough that I'd forgiven him for the first one before he committed the next, and it's been dragging on and on. I really do love him, though I suppose I shouldn't. I know what's going to happen when I talk to him ... he's not going to say a word, and he'll deny everything or twist it around to be my fault. Maybe it won't be possible for me to get distance with him living here ... I'm telling myself that distance is what I need to get me over the hump so I can just dump him, and it did work for me once before with someone else a long time ago, but the sticky part of actually making some distance hasn't hit me yet. If anyone has any tips of things I can do to make it look like I'm not agonizing over this even though I am (am I nice to him, or do I ignore him?), and any tips on hardening my heart to his inevitable crying and denying, please help me! I'm pitiful, I know Link to post Share on other sites
2KindKay Posted October 24, 2004 Share Posted October 24, 2004 First of all I don't think your pitiful, I just think your confused. It sounds to me like you really want to move on and end things with this guy. Maybe I misunderstood? I'm not sure you can get the distance or alone time you need, when your still living with him. Is it possible for you to stay with a friend or family member until you can decide for yourself what it is you really want? Don't let him make you feel as though this is your fault, after all it wasn't you posting adult ads. He may have said sorry for doing that but keep in mind he wasn't sorry for doing it, he was sorry he got caught. If I understand correctly you do love this guy, but have you asked yourself if your in love with him. Sounds to me like it's time for you to try moving on, I don't know all of the details and am only basing my opinion off of what you said, but if your questioning the relationship, maybe you already answered your own question? best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
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