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I need some help, I have no idea what to do :(


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Posted

I'm in kind of a bind here, and I really have no idea what to do. Here's the situation:

 

 

If any of you are familiar with me, then you know I've been obsessed with this girl (Marla) for 13 months, and she just blows me off every time we arrange to go out. If you're sick of hearing about her, then don't worry, this story isn't about her, I've already figured out what to do about this; but I only mention this because it kind of has to do with my current situation. Anyways, she calls me 2 weeks ago, we get to talking, and I reiterate that I'm only interested in being friends with her now (I had told her 2 months ago the same thing), and all of a sudden she's like "well I'm looking for someone to get married to, and I already have lots of friends, so being friends with you would be a waste of time", blah blah blah. Whatever, she says we can "try" being friends if I really want to, but at this point I'm just sick of this **** so we say goodbye and just kind of leave things up in the air. I've decided I'm never talking to her again (advice you guys offered me 11 months ago, which I failed to take, hehe).

 

I had been "dating" a different girl for about two weeks now (Liz), we've gone out four times. Coffee, Biking, Dinner, and then Biking again. At the end of the 3rd and 4th dates she hugged me, and I didn't really know how to take this (this is the first girl I've ever been on more than one date with, hah). At the same time, she's cancelled our movie date on me twice; the first time saying that she forgot that she promised she'd hang out with another friend, and the second time because she decided to go out drinking with her mom.

 

So the night that Marla told me that being friends would be a waste of time, I'm like super depressed; I mean... even being friends with me is a waste of time? What the f*ck?! I immediately go over to the computer and see Liz is online, and I resolved to ask her if she wanted to be just friends or not, but before I even get to ask, she just comes right out and tells me (weird).

 

 

I guess rather than explaining it, I'll just paste the conversation:

 

 

[23:50] me: look I'm sorry if sometimes I seem noncommital and ****, it's a big issue with me. This girl royally messed with my head. Every week I would ask her out, every week she would say we'd definitely get together... and every week it never happened. She would disappear on me

[23:50] me: so it's like now... I'm totally afraid of even asking people out

[23:51] her: this marla girl?

[23:51] me: yeah

[23:51] her: she probably had lots of other things that were on her mind... kinda like me too :-p

[23:52] me: I know, you're actually kind of similar to her

[23:53] her: In general I just think I don't want to be in any sort of serious relationship right now. I'm still not certain about what will happen with an old one... and since I'm unable to separate myself from that, I don't want to mess things up with someone else. That, and I have to work on a lot of personal things before I enter into any kind of committed relationship. That's half the reason why I'm taking this semester off.

[23:53] her: If that explains anything for you

[23:54] me: I kind of figured, actually

[23:54] her: chances are that me and marla are just scared of any committment as you are

[23:55] me: I've never been in a real relationship with anyone before

[23:55] her: gah... I didn't mean to assume that about you

[23:55] her: I definitely have fun when I hang out with you

[23:56] her: You really get me thinking about a lot of things I don't normally think about... you challenge me to have good conversation when I talk with you...

[23:56] me: heh

[23:57] her: seriously, you are a really great guy, and if I was in a different position in my life right now or if I felt I could give you any sort of comittment there's no way I would let you pass me by... but such is life... full of bad timing :-/

[23:58] her: that doesn't mean that I don't want to hang out with you or anything! You deserve me telling you what kind of position I'm in in my life right now, though.

[00:00] me: yeah, that's exactly what Marla just told me

[00:01] me: if she were 4 years younger, blah blah

[00:01] her: well, if I were 4 years younger I'd be 17 and I'd be illegal :)

[00:01] me: oh yeah, that's what Jordi told me last month. "Surprise! I'm actually 17! Not 21 like I told you!!"

[00:01] her: ooouuugghhhh

[00:02] her: Seriously though... I don't mean that as a line or anything

[00:03] her: because I really enjoy hanging out with you, and I think if I hadn't just gotten out of a 6 and a half year relationship, and if I was more comfortable with myself... ugh... I have a whole different side of me that brings so much baggage

[00:03] her: which makes me really leary to trust anyone

 

 

 

 

At this point in time I ask her to tell me about it, and she just opens up and lets it all out, about how her stepfather was a coke addict and sexually abused her when she was 10-11 years old, and I opened up too, about how my dad would torture me and my brother vietnam-style. We talked for the next two hours or so (waaay past her bedtime), and I'm at a point where I don't know what to do. We finished off the conversation; she kept saying how glad she was that we finally talked about it, and "hopefully we can get together to have some chat in person sometime soon".

 

I kind of freaked out and disappeared to the whole world for a week, turned off my phone and my computer and didn't talk to anyone. I don't know why I do that sometimes, but I just get so depressed that I don't ever feel like talking to anyone sometimes, and I feel like they all lie to me. I mean, pretty much anyone I've ever had feelings for has lied to me, so when she said things like she still wanted to hang out with me, I don't exactly believe her.

 

I came back last week and we had another hour-long conversation, but that's it. I'm afraid that if I spend any more time with her I'm going to develop more feelings and I'm not sure if I want that to happen. She told me that she gets drunk and can't control herself sometimes and that's why her old relationship ended; she just cheated on him whenever she got drunk, and always felt so terrible about it afterwards.

 

I don't really know what to do :(

Posted

Wow! What a read there.

 

Be honest with her, tell her how you are feeling. I would not meet with her quite yet until you both really feel comfy with eachother. Shield your heart abit, but don't shut the door. Take it slow and see how this thing plays out.

 

How much do you like her? What about the other girl? Where does she fit into all this?

 

It is easy to become very emotionally attached talking online.

 

Good luck and keep on posting!

 

WWIU

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Posted
Originally posted by whichwayisup

Wow! What a read there.

 

Be honest with her, tell her how you are feeling. I would not meet with her quite yet until you both really feel comfy with eachother. Shield your heart abit, but don't shut the door. Take it slow and see how this thing plays out.

 

How much do you like her? What about the other girl? Where does she fit into all this?

 

It is easy to become very emotionally attached talking online.

 

Good luck and keep on posting!

 

WWIU

 

 

Well the thing is, I have absolutely no idea what I am feeling, other than confusion. I've never been in a relationship with anyone before, and my first date with her was the 3rd date I've ever been on in my entire life, so I really don't know what I'm doing/feeling.

 

The other girl, well... it's a long story. You can check my post history if you really want to know, but she royally ****ed with my head for over a year and quite frankly, at this point in my life I'm glad she's out of it now. I don't know what her problem is, but she definitely had something majorly wrong.

Posted

Tell her what you just shared here. That is from your heart and is honest. Trust me, she will appreciate that.

 

Sorry you got f***ed around in the past. That doe play tricks in the head...But just know that is a different girl, and different situation. You're confused and need time, then take that time for you. Explain all that to her as well, but definately keep intouch with her if that is what you want!

 

Good luck and keep posting!

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