Author NYC-BigKat Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Sweet...you just better make sure you hit that before your obnoxious uncle does. Unless he already beat you to it... Nope 'cause my uncle don't know about us. He says he fooled around with cousins when he was my age & that's a long long time ago u know. We got a date set for august 6th when she comes back to see me .
KungFuJoe Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 Nope 'cause my uncle don't know about us. He says he fooled around with cousins when he was my age & that's a long long time ago u know. We got a date set for august 6th when she comes back to see me . Well...you better hide her from him, otherwise he'll probably toss a rude comment her way like, "You're too ugly to be related to me by blood" and the next thing you know he's banging her in the bathroom of the nearest 7 Eleven while you're waiting by the comic book section. 3
Radu Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I agree with the ruby slippered lady on page 3, many have said it's wrong, none have said why. Morally ?; it's wrong, it has big implications and it can cause a pretty big rift in the family. Legally ?; it depends. In some countries this is ok, and not considered incest. In others it's not ok [but still not considered incest]. In my country counsins of less than 3rd degree [included] are not allowed to marry. In spain like the above mentioned poster mentioned, it's OK. So is in many other countries. Someone posted that in 20 states in the US, 1st cousin marriage is legal. So OP, what degree of cousins are you two ? PS: I was in your position once too, with a 3rd degree cousin. Did not go for it because it was illegal and the relationship did not have much of a future because of this. PPS: I just love the 'literati' of this forum, comparing incestual parent-child and brother-sister relationship with cousins without even knowing the degree.
Mrlonelyone Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 If she is more distant than a first cousin go for it. i.e. Your nearest common ancestors are one or two grandparents. In most states second counsins are legal to marry.
Emilia Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 In my country (Spain), it's a complete non-issue. My best friend's parents were 1st cousins. Two of my 1st cousins married as well. Nobody ever even raised an eyebrow about any of it. Mind you, this is in a country where all non-immigrants are Catholics. I've never realised the Spanish tapped their cousins, it's news to me and I know Spanish people, are you sure it's practiced widely? 1st cousin is too close genetically, there are cultures where 1st cousin marriages are common and genetic degenaration is the result. It's probably something you want to check out in your family Dispatches - When Cousins Marry - Channel 4 2
Arabella Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I've never realised the Spanish tapped their cousins, it's news to me and I know Spanish people, are you sure it's practiced widely? 1st cousin is too close genetically, there are cultures where 1st cousin marriages are common and genetic degenaration is the result. It's probably something you want to check out in your family Dispatches - When Cousins Marry - Channel 4 Well, unless I missed something during the 20 years I spent there... I wouldn't say that it's common in the sense that everyone does it... more like most people know somebody who has either done it, or is a product of it. Just not something you really discuss because people don't care too terribly much. Or at least that's how it used to be when I was growing up (I'm 29 years old). I have no idea what it's really like right now since I left the country 9 years ago.
StayBeautiful Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 First cousin marriage is legal in the UK. Charles Darwin and Queen Victoria married their cousins. No opinion on whether its right, just think it's interesting.
Buck Turgidson Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 First cousin marriage is legal in the UK. Charles Darwin and Queen Victoria married their cousins. Albert Einstein married a double cousin. I think that if it's good enough for Darwin, Victoria, and Einstein, it's probably good enough for anyone. But these are only recent examples, near to the time when cousin marriage was becoming more taboo. Cousin marriage had been extensive throughout the world throughout all of history, for various reasons, but not the least of which was the fact that travel was nigh impossible, meaning that any available marriage partner in your town was probably at least a third cousin. It only became taboo around, coincidentally, the time of Darwin, when he expressed concern about his own children being products of it. Darwin, however, did not fully understand genetics, only heredity. It takes generations and generations of cousin-marriage to produce any highly elevated chance of birth defects. It took the Hapsburgs centuries to do it. The ancient Egyptian Pharoes married their sisters for thousands of years with no apparent ill effects. No opinion on whether its right, just think it's interesting. I don't really think that love between consenting adults is ever wrong. We could always use more of that. 1
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 We met last night for the 1st time at a get-together by my aunt's house in Brooklyn. Um..she came from down south & just turned 19 & I'm 24 & we really really clicked & she told me she has problems trusting guys but how she trusts me 'cause we're family & how cute & sweet I am & we hung out the whole night . One of my uncles came over & made a comment about us looking too cozy together but I said nothing & he laughed. Then I called my shady uncle since he wasn't invited & asked him what he thought about cousins fooling around without telling him about me & her & my uncle told me he messed with several cousins over the years & laughed like it was no big deal or something . Now I'm really really thinking about it 'cause I feel so attracted to her emotionally & stuff & we been texting all night after she went back home. Um...she was here for a few days before yesterday so she had to go back & now I cant stop thinking about her . Has anyone done it with their cousin or fooled around or wanted to? I kinda feel alone on this. My uncle don't really count since he'll mess around with any girl he likes. If troll, get the **** out. If serious, stop trusting your "shady" uncle. That's your cousin, dude.
gtrlarry Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 Go for it...there is a connection and something you both feel, just do it. You are an adult and resopnsible for your actions and don't need any body's permission or moral judgement of you to get in the way of your life.
salparadise Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 This is a great example of how advice is doled out on LS. So many taking strong, absolutist stands based on nothing more than their own preference or feeling. Clearly there is no right or wrong answer in the larger context, only in the minds of those who seek to impose their opinion on everyone else by way of moral evangelism. There is plenty of historical precedent, so not sure how it became such a strong taboo in US culture. But even then it's not universal. Article: why ban 1st cousin marriages
will1988 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 @ NYC Bigcat In high school I was a loser, nerd, quasi-loner type. I had no social skill with women. My father at this time was dating my step mom, and by college was married to her. Her sister's family lived only 30 minutes from us. We would hang out with them a couple times a month. They had three daughters all in the same age range as my two brothers and myself. The youngest was a skinny, attractive, bubbely, outgoing blonde cheerleader (two years younger than me). We became really close etc... she actually brought me out of my shell, and thanks to her I was able to talk to women. I of course had a bit of a crush on her. The first female that I could talk to and hang out with etc... However, I never went after her, because she was my step-cousin and I did not want to be the brunt of many family jokes, nor did i want to cause any drama. Also, we were like really close friends and i did not want to ruin that friendship. Also, she had a thing for black guys. She has only ever dated black guys... so I always assumed she would not like me (seeing as the closest thing I am to being black is a quarter sicilian [so not black at all]). For the longest time I had a crush on her. However, her and her family moved away many years ago... and I have not seen her in 3 years. We still talk a bit on FB and hung out like old times when she was in town. However, my feelings for her are long gone. I now just view her as a close friend / step - cousin. Although at the time I wanted to date her and pound her three ways to sunday, I am glad I did not. I am thankfully for her friendship and for the fact that she brought me out of my shell. However, I have never wanted to fornicate nor date nor kiss a blood relative. Sorry. BUT I am not judging you for it. You are in a rut and are clinging on to the affections and attentions of the first attractive woman to listen to you- it just happens to be your cousin. I would recomedn being friends, and maybe a little flirting. In time your crush on her will pass when you meet a new girl. However, if you want to go on ahead and persue her it is not my place to judge nor to try to talk you out of it. Just be forewarned that you will be the brunt of a lot of family gossip, jokes, and embarassments when they find out - whether because your cousin denies you, or if you two get together and let it slip-. So you need to prepare yourself for that.
clia Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I don't think comparing what Einstein did in the early 1900s and what Darwin did in the mid 1800s really makes a great argument for what the OP is trying to do in New York City in 2013. Yes, throughout history some people have married their cousins, and it is legal to marry your cousin in some states. In the past it was a lot more common to do so for a lot of reasons -- keeping the bloodline, proximity, lack of available mates, etc. But that isn't NYC in 2013. Out of all the women in NYC, the OP wants to date his cousin? Is there some lack of single women in NYC that I am not aware of? Like it or not, it is considered taboo to most people in the United States to date, have sex with, or marry your first cousin. (I'm going to assume that the OP's cousin is his first cousin, since he's been avoiding the question that many have asked throughout this thread.) The OP obviously knows on some level that it isn't on the up and up since he is even here asking the question. Has he asked his real life friends? He never answered that question either. The OP has had trouble with women, so why make it worse? Why have a relationship with his cousin, that may come up later on in life when he is dating different women? When I was in undergrad there was a guy who was dating his first cousin and everyone gossiped about it behind his back. It's simply not looked upon as an acceptable thing to do by most people in the United States. I still want to know what his parents and her parents think. If they are cool with it, then they should go for it. But I seriously doubt they are cool with it.
KathyM Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 I think you're too enmeshed with your family. You hang out with your uncle on a regular basis, and now you're thinking of starting a romantic relationship with your cousin. There is a whole world of people out there who are not your family members who you should be making connections with. You need to get out there and meet some of them. Develop friendships outside of your family, and cultivate romantic interests outside of your family. And I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to get counseling, as some other posters suggested. You seem to have some kind of social anxiety that is preventing you from developing relationships outside of your family members.
123321 Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 There's no rational reason not to, outside what people including perhaps some people you care about will say and think. So consider that, only you can evaluate the family impact. Don't drink out of your own swimming pool. Don't drink out of swimming pools. Period.
kaylan Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Something is wrong with people on LS Something is wrong with OPs uncle. What an amazing influence he continues to be.
kaylan Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 If your cousin is hot then go for it! If she's ugly then it's taboo. :lmao::lmao::lmao: PS - OPs situation reminds me of Cletus from the Simpsons 2
Snuggle Tiger Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Are you first cousins? Google "Cousin relationships" and you will get links to charts that show if you are 1st-2nd-3rd cousins. Cousincouples dot com has links showing which states allow 1st cousins to get married, which don't and which allow it with restrictions. I realize you aren't asking her to get married, you just think she is hot and she is paying attention to you. I'm only pointing out that the naysayers accusing you of incest are full of "fecal matter" and that the narrow minded people heaping scorn upon you need to get a grip and show a little empathy. Good luck, and let us know how it works out. 1
coltsfan1 Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Don't drink out of your own swimming pool. Or shat were you eat!!
123321 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Let's consider for a second the uncle admitted to taking part in this kind of behavior already indicating a family history of incest meaning your gene pool is already diluted. The more inbreeding is done the worse the results get. The more important issue for him is would he be ready to take care of an accidental, severely deformed due to incest child for the next 20-50 years? First, he's not talking about going for a child, I would hope he understands how to take measures to reduce the likelihood of any child. Second, having sex with a relative doesn't dilute the gene pool in and of itself, so unless there was a child, AND that child is an ancestor of THIS cousin, AND it was a common thing above and beyond that single instance, .... it's not a significant statistical risk even IF a child is born.
Aslanbek Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Hey, if it's good enough for Mayor Rudy Giuliani, it's OK for you. Yes, Rudy's first wife was his second cousin, which is supposedly legal, but messing with your first cousin is definitely not. Leave her alone. This is coming from a guy who had a crush on his fifth cousin in high school, but back then we didn't know we were related.
Leigh 87 Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Dude. Seriously? !? You just don't hook up with family. Ever. It's an extremely socially deviant thing to do. It's like farting really loudly in public: even if you think it's a really good idea, it's highly offensive. Hooking up with a cousin disgusts most people. It just doed. It's just one of those things you don't do. I hope you get it:sick:
Author NYC-BigKat Posted August 4, 2013 Author Posted August 4, 2013 What did your parents say when you told them you want to date your cousin? What did your real life friends say when you told them you want to date your cousin? It's pretty sad that you had to come to a discussion forum to ask whether it is appropriate to date your cousin. It isn't appropriate. Um..not gonna date her ok? We just gonna cuddle & kiss & stuff & talk & all that good stuff u know. Anyhow we talked again last night & she sent me a few really really cute pics of herself & one in a short tank top so I think she getting so excited about seeing me this week. I cant wait .
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