GoBomb36 Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Ok, long story short, this girl and I hit it off, and it's pretty obvious we are into one another. The big issue here is she that she's never been able to kick her ex. She has told me she's fallen for me, but still loves that guy, even though he has done her wrong numerous times. We talked on the phone the other night, and kind of let it go. Not that I wanted to, but know she needs to figure out what she wants. I've been in the same shoes as the dude she is going to try to work on things with before, and I know that when he gets her back he's going to revert to the same old ways. I could very well see her missing me, but then again, you never know. So, that being said, is me removing myself from the situation a good idea? And is NC a good way to get her thinking about how well I've treated her and how I'm respecting what she's doing? She told the other guy that she had feelings for me and that I treat her the way she wants to be treated...I know, kind of makes no sense. Anyways, that's where I am.
Ordinaryday Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 Ok, long story short, this girl and I hit it off, and it's pretty obvious we are into one another. The big issue here is she that she's never been able to kick her ex. She has told me she's fallen for me, but still loves that guy, even though he has done her wrong numerous times. We talked on the phone the other night, and kind of let it go. Not that I wanted to, but know she needs to figure out what she wants. I've been in the same shoes as the dude she is going to try to work on things with before, and I know that when he gets her back he's going to revert to the same old ways. I could very well see her missing me, but then again, you never know. So, that being said, is me removing myself from the situation a good idea? And is NC a good way to get her thinking about how well I've treated her and how I'm respecting what she's doing? She told the other guy that she had feelings for me and that I treat her the way she wants to be treated...I know, kind of makes no sense. Anyways, that's where I am. She will NEVER leave her ex for you. NEVER. I have seen it numerous times, it actually happened to me once. About five years ago I met a nice girl at work, and we really hit it off. we had so much in common and we kind of started seeing each other. she was 'technically' in a relationship with a guy, but she told me that she HATED HIM and would be "dumping him any day now" as soon as blah blah blah. for example, she lived with the guy and she said that although she hated him she couldnt dump him until she found a new place. I helped her and we found her a MUCH BETTER PLACE which had cheaper rent to boot. she then said she couldn't dump him until she found a way to move out. I told her I knew a guy who has a moving van, and I would help her move. she then said she couldn't afford it - I told her I would arrange it so it would be done for FREE. NO MATTER WHAT happened there was ALWAYS another excuse as to why she couldn't leave this guy who she claimed to hate and would dump "any day now" eventually I realised that SHE WOULD NEVER LEAVE HIM despite anything she said to the contrary. I eventually gave up on her and told her not to contact me again. I have seen this a lot. Odds are, she is not going to leave this guy for you. Simply tell her "I don't like being 'the other guy'. Don't contact me until it is completely over with this guy" and then don't ever expect to hear from her again. 1
JDPT Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 She is clearly not over her ex and will not be for a very long time, no need for you to stick around and take the aggravation, that's if you are looking to pursuit something serious with this woman. To my understanding, she has no idea what she wants in life, she thinks she has a clue but still has a ton of things to sort out. Save your self some future grief and move along, sounds like you will always be just the other guy and you deserve better than that.
lessica Posted July 13, 2013 Posted July 13, 2013 This is exactly why people should not look for others to get over someone, or to fill voids in their relationships. It hurts INNOCENT and genuine parties. In a very turbulent time in one relationship I started talking to another guy, was wonderful, he was wonderful, and made me feel great, i majorly crushed on him. Fact was though, that as unhappy as I was in my 'actual' relationship, I still loved my boyfriend, and that crush had nothing on the love I felt. The perfect person could have come along and it would have changed NOTHING. People think that things are over, but honestly, if they were they wouldn't be there, even if they had valid reasons for still being there, I just believe that in most cases they would work something out. I am sorry you are in this position. But move on to someone who is emotionally available, you deserve to. 2
Talulah Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I completely agree with the post above. Using other people to get over people is not healthy and ends up harming the person a lot in the end. Years ago, I dated a guy that I was really into. He promised me that we would not talk about exes. Then, his ex always crept up into our conversations. He broke up with me on Valentine's Day, they got back together and got married last summer. So, you need to tell her to get over it if she wants to be with you. And then call you.
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